


Safe and Sound

by openhearts



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Family Dynamics, Gen, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-02-17 18:19:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2318870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/openhearts/pseuds/openhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“But something happened…something good, finally. ... The thing is I’ve been starting to get afraid that it’s easier just to be afraid. But this morning Daddy said something: 'If you don’t have hope, what’s the point of living?'”</p>
<p>dearygirl is the other half of my brain and schwoozie has been a delightfully helpful second set of eyes.  All mistakes are mine.  Title from Safe and Sound by Capital Cities.</p>
<p>Listen to the playlist <a href="http://8tracks.com/emarem/songs-for-safe-and-sound">here</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hello, little girl.”

 

Beth sits in the common room off the cell block with the baby on her lap and starts to clean off the remnants of the birth.  The infant wails when Beth gently stretches her arm out and touches a damp cloth to her skin.  

 

"It's alright honey, we're gonna get you clean and dry and bundled back up in no time.  You know there's a lot of people around to take care of you and love you.  Your daddy, he . . . he loves you very much.  And your big brother Carl-"

 

Carl comes rushing in with his gun in his hand at the sound of Judith’s cries.  

 

"She's okay," Beth says quickly, "I'm just getting her cleaned up."

 

"Is that okay?" Carl asks Hershel as he trails Carl on his crutches. "Is it hurting her?"

 

"Beth's doing just what she should be doing, all babies cry when they're uncomfortable."

 

Carl watches a little skeptically as Beth wipes down the baby's legs and feet before wrapping her back up, swaddling the blanket snug around her and cradling her in one arm while she runs the cloth over the baby's soft brown hair.  She vaguely hears her dad telling Carl about how Beth had worked in the church nursery, how she'd been able to calm even the fussiest, crankiest babies and had been in high demand as a baby sitter.  It’s all true, but the way he says it strikes Beth as something new.  Something that feels important and precious.  Beth looks into the baby girl's eyes as Hershel's voice soothes both her and her big brother, smiles a little and feels a deep calm fill her.  Carl looks over when he realizes it's quiet and Beth beckons for him, reaching for his hand and carefully guiding the baby's hand to wrap around his finger.  Carl stands very still and smiles eventually.

 

"Do you wanna hold her while she sleeps?" Beth asks, and Carl nods after a moment.  "I'll keep watch," she adds.  Carl sets his gun on the table and lets Beth carefully arrange the baby in his arms.  Hershel reaches out for her hand as she passes, looks up and holds her gaze for a long moment.  

 

She knows, then.  Beth knows she isn’t Lori, knows she isn’t a Grimes, but she also knows that in some small way Judith is and will be hers.  

 

That night when everyone has fallen to their beds, broken and wasted from the day, Beth lays in her bunk with her shirt unbuttoned to hold the baby skin to skin with a blanket over them both.  She trusts her dad’s instruction that her own temperature, heart rate, and breathing can work like Lori’s would have to help keep Judith’s tiny body connected to the rhythm of living.  It works; Judith remains flushed with life, breathing and kicking and gurgling as she sleeps.  Beth feels with each tiny puff of breath on her skin a bond twisting and locking around her brimming heart.

 

_____

  
  


A twinge of hopeless panic twists in her middle as she watches Rick walk through the gates without the flanking shadow of Daryl in his wake.  She tries to push it away, tries to ignore the churning fear not because there’s no reason to be afraid - if Rick became their compass those months on the road Daryl was the cannon, taking out everything in their way with a doggedness that seemed never to falter - but because fear would break them.  Maggie and Glenn stand in front of her, bruised and bloodied but alive, and Daryl’s decision to leave them is the price Rick will pay the most of all of them, even more than Carol, in exchange.  Beth feels a surge of care, of gratitude and empathy for Rick’s exhaustion and visible loss and all she can do is go hug him, kiss his cheek and hope he understands that _she_ understands.

 

Hershel was the one to hand Judith to Rick for the first time, but it feels like a first just the same when Beth sets Judith in Rick’s arms that day.  Rick stares at Beth - glares really - like he’s never seen her before or she’s speaking another language when she tells him she thinks the baby has Lori’s eyes.  Though he’d come out of the boiler block and then fought his way back from Woodbury Rick is still wild-eyed with grief, torn up from the inside out, and nobody knows what to do.   _He’s just a man_ , Beth reminds herself when Rick moves with too much force or raises his voice suddenly.  He’s just a man, and if there is no one who is sure of the humanity still inside him - if their family is going to fracture in his bloody bootprints - then someone will still have to care for the baby.

 

In Judith’s eyes Beth sees the spark of Lori’s beleaguered hope polished and shining again free of tarnish, sees a little girl held safe in her mother’s arms, surrounded by family living and loved.  That makes Beth feel stronger than anything.

 

_____

  
  


Beth reaches over and takes Maggie’s hand, threading their fingers together and angling her sister’s hand so the ring on her fourth finger catches the sunlight and glitters sharply.

 

“How’d he ask?”

 

Maggie smiles and snorts softly.  “He didn’t.  Just put the ring in my hand and held it there til I said yes.”

 

Beth smiles too.  “Sounds nice.  Simple.”

 

Maggie looks out over the yard and the grass beyond, focusing past the chain link fencing that lines the catwalk where they sit to the treeline in the distance.

 

“Prob’ly not how you thought it’d be, huh?”

 

Maggie bows her head and Beth leans her head on her sister’s shoulder, wrapping an arm around her waist as Maggie’s shoulders shake a little with quiet tears.

 

“I wish everything was different,” Maggie whispers, turning to wrap an arm around Beth’s waist in return.  “I wish it was all different for you too.”

 

“You’ve got somethin’ good,” Beth replies, swallowing against the lump in her own throat as she pulls back and tilts Maggie’s face up.  She looks into her sister’s reddened eyes, glassy and lost.  “I’m happy for you,” she says earnestly.

 

They lean into each other again, chins tucking over shoulders and thin strong arms closing in a tight embrace.

 

_____

  
  


It’s an hour after dinner one night and Judith is not going to sleep at her usual time.  She’s worked up from a fuss to full-on wailing, her cries bouncing off the cell block walls and seeming to multiply, echoing louder and more intensely as minutes pass.  Beth finally sets aside the pile of mending she’s been working on by the camp lantern in her cell and goes over to Rick’s.  The curtained door is ajar and she raps her knuckles on the bars a few times but it’s impossible to hear over the baby so she pushes it open a little wider and calls Rick’s name before sticking her head in.

 

“Yeah,” he answers flatly.

 

Beth slips in.  “Can I help with anything?”

 

“No, I got it.”

 

“Okay.  Um, if you hold her different, so she can stretch out, she usually likes that.  Here,” she crosses the cell and goes to rearrange Judith in his arms.  She avoids his eyes as she does; she knows he’s glaring, but she also knows Judith’s uncomfortable cries.  “There.  If you walk with her and kinda bounce her a little bit that might-”

 

“Alright, I got it,” he interrupts a little loudly.  Judith had been quieting down but she starts up again in earnest at the tone of his voice and he grits his teeth.  Beth stands still and watches him for a long moment.  “You can go.”

 

Beth stays there for another beat before reaching out to pat Judith’s back lightly, but when she turns to leave Rick speaks again.

 

“Wait.  Gotta ask you somethin’,” he says barely audible over Judith’s whimpers.

 

She turns back and watches him expectantly, arms folded over her middle.

 

“When you were in the woods with your dad and Carl.  When . . . when he shot that boy.  Could you see what happened?”

 

“I couldn’t see Carl but I could see him.”

 

Rick nods and adjusts Judith in his arms carefully, glancing down at her briefly.

 

“Was he handing his weapon over?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you sure, could it-”

 

“He had a shotgun.  He was runnin’ through the woods and when Daddy told him to hand it over he had it in one hand and he was holdin’ it out for Carl to take it.  He didn’t have anything else.”

 

“Where were you though, because maybe the angle-”

 

“He was handing the gun over.  I can’t tell you anything different Rick, I’m sorry.”

 

She turns and leaves, leaving the cell door open behind her.

 

When she turns to head back to her cell she sees Daryl standing still halfway down the stairs leading down from the perch where he sleeps.  He flicks his eyes to Rick’s cell door and back to her and she answers his silent question with a slight shake of her head.  He nods back and watches the cell door for another moment before heading back up to his spot as Beth makes her way back to her cell.

 

Judith eventually quiets down to an occasional whimper, then silence as she sleeps.

 

The next morning the run team - Rick, Daryl, Tyreese, and Sasha - goes out before dawn and returns mid-afternoon while Judith is napping.  Beth leaves the mended clothes she’d been sorting behind in her cell and brings the kids out with Carol and Karen to help carry everything inside.  It’s a decent haul, packed up from the food pantry of a small church tucked back into a neighborhood so it wasn’t visible from any of the main roads surrounding it.  The best part is a cardboard box full of cans of powdered formula.

 

“Gonna turn Little Asskicker into a fat ‘n happy asskicker,” Daryl says as he passes the box to Beth.  

 

She beams up at him, and his lips twitch up in a small, proud smile.  Beth balances the box against one hip with one arm supporting it and catches Rick’s eye, smiling at him too.  He nods a little stiffly in acknowledgement and gives her another bag to carry in her free hand when she holds it out.  They all head in and drop everything in one of the common areas off the cell blocks to be sorted and put away.

 

Beth gathers up a bag filled with diapers, wipes, and rash ointment to take with her to Rick’s cell since it’s time to get Judith up from her nap anyway.  When she walks in and finds the crib empty she stops short.  She stands still for a few seconds in the middle of the cell, the bag dangling from her fingers.  Her mind races but she feels blank, like she can’t pluck any of the thoughts out of the rush and hold onto them long enough to tell her what to _do_.  She can hear Carol and Karen both talking with the little kids and she’d just been in the common room with them, so she knows neither of them has Judith.  Maggie was outside with Glenn and Carl on the fences when she’d gone to meet the run crew when they came back, and Hershel had been in the library after lunch putting together first aid kits.

 

She’s just about to head back to the common area when she hears Judith cry, a plaintive wail that twists in Beth’s gut and leads her running into the next cell block.  Beth wrenches open the door of a cell and finds Mrs. Collins, one of the ladies from Woodbury, inside, holding a still-squalling Judith.

 

“What are you doing?” Beth snaps, immediately snatching the baby out of the woman’s arms and looking her over quickly.

 

“She was crying and there was no one around,” the woman shrugs.  She’s one of the people who’s alone; her only surviving family having been killed in the fights with Woodbury.  She didn’t seem to talk much to anyone from Woodbury, and the way she sat and stared blankly so often should have inspired something other than unease in Beth but she just had a bad feeling about the woman no matter how sympathetic she tried to be.

 

“You should have come to find me,” Beth says, clinging to patience.  Daryl and Rick appear in the cell doorway.

 

“Everything alright?”  Daryl asks.

 

“She took Judith,” Beth answers.

 

“She was crying, her father wasn’t here-”

 

“ _I_ was right outside, why wouldn’t you just stay in the cell with her if you weren’t going to come get me?”

 

The woman shrugs again.  “I was just trying to help-”

 

“You scared her,” Beth interrupts, “She doesn’t know you.”

 

“Beth?”  Daryl says, and waits until she turns to him.  “Baby’s fine, why don’t you take her back now.”

 

Beth glances from Daryl to Rick before relenting and brushing between the two of them.  She hears placating tones of voice at her back and tries to focus on the baby cradled against her chest.  She goes back to Rick’s cell and is busy changing Judith’s diaper when Rick comes in.

 

“I can take her,” he offers.

 

“I’ve got her, she’s fine now.”  Beth turns to face him as she balances Judith on her hip again, realizing what she’s said.  “I’m sorry, d’you want to-” she’s stepping closer to hand him the baby when she notices the rag tied around his forearm, ragged and bloody.

 

“Oh no, let me help you clean that,” she changes tack and sets Judith in the crib.

 

“No, it’s fine, I don’t need-”

 

“Here, sit, I’ll be right back.”

 

She comes back a minute later with a little first aid kit and pulls the desk chair over in front of the bunk where Rick’s sitting and sets to unwrapping the dirty rag from his arm.  She winces at the jagged cut.

 

“It might need stitches, I’ll get-”

 

“‘S not that deep.”

 

Beth tilts her head skeptically but lets it go and gets him to rest his arm across her knees so she can use both hands to rip open an alcohol wipe.  She waits for him to wince as she starts cleaning the dried blood and dirt caked into the broken skin, but he’s still and quiet.

 

“It was a good run,” she says to fill the silence.  Formula wasn’t always easy to come by and the day’s haul would last Judith long enough to let them both breathe a sigh of relief for a few weeks.

 

“Why’d you leave her alone?”  Rick asks.  He’s watching Judith who’s laying on her back in her crib, gurgling and playing with her feet.

 

“She was sleepin’.  She was fine, I always leave her in here when she naps.”

 

“You _always_ leave her alone?”

 

“When she’s taking a nap- Rick she’s fine.  I don’t go far.  Nothin’s ever happened before.”

 

“Did today.  Look, you don’t have to be doin’ this all the time, we can work out a schedule, make it so there’s more people to help-”

 

“You don’t trust me?”

 

“I didn’t say that,” he grits out.  “Carol could be pitchin’ in more like she used to.  Karen, maybe some of the other ladies from Woodbury.”

 

“They help with the older kids.”

 

“Well, then maybe you all can . . . I don’t know.  Coordinate.”

 

Beth drops the bloodied wipe on the floor and opens another.  Rick looks back at her but she’s set to her work, brow set with a furrow between her eyebrows.

 

“Don’t waste those,” Rick mutters.

 

“You wanna get tetanus?” she snaps back.  She stops being so worried about hurting him and just concentrates on cleaning the cut as thoroughly as possible.  He hisses, just barely, and Beth eases off.  “Sorry,” she mutters.  “How’d you do it anyway?”

 

Rick grunts in response, then sighs.  “Torn up metal flashing on the doors when we broke ‘em down.”  

 

He reaches up with his free hand and scrubs his palm over his eyes before running his fingers back through his hair.  Beth watches the gesture, the sag of his shoulders and the slight twitch of his fingers resting splayed over his bowed head.

 

“I’m sorry,” she repeats softly.  

 

She smoothes a bandage over the cut and presses carefully around the edges to make sure it’s well sealed to his skin before reaching for the roll of gauze.  She catches his eye when he looks up at her, just for a moment before his eyes skate away again.  He doesn’t say anything, offers her no acknowledgement other than the brief eye contact before she concentrates on wrapping two layers of gauze over the bandage, enough to keep the edges from coming unsealed, and tucking the ends in tight and neat.  She doesn’t linger, just picks up the discarded wipes and wrappers and balls them up in her hands.  Rick leans back and out of her space to let her up.

 

“She need a bottle?” he asks, nodding to Judith even though Beth has her back turned, setting the chair back at the desk and packing the first aid kit away again.

 

“Not for a half hour or so.”

 

“You go ahead, I’ll stay with her.”

 

“You don’t wanna rest?”  She glances at him over her shoulder, eyeing him with concern.

 

“No, I’ll be fine.”

 

She turns to go, pausing as she’s leaving to glance back.  Rick is quiet, head in his hands again.  She looks over at Judith cooing and kicking in her crib, and down at the bloody fabric in her hands, then slips quietly out of his cell.

 

_____

  
  


When Beth heads out to the fences the next day Daryl’s already there.

 

“Who’s got Li’l Asskicker?”

 

“ _Judith_.”

 

“Ass,” Daryl stabs in through a forehead and yanks back the the walking cane with a sharpened end, “kicker,” he finishes, giving Beth a squinty-eyed look of challenge.

 

She shakes her head at him but smiles as she answers, “Daddy took her so I could come out.”  

 

Her smile turns into a grimace and she hops a little from one foot to the other, hyping herself up before she takes aim and strikes a walker through the eye socket, huffing a little to pull the tire iron back out and move on to the next one.  There’s big build up today and even with a crew of three from Woodbury working on one of the far sections of fence it’ll take a while.

 

Beth has an idea that she and Daryl are meant to split up and work with the newcomers but it’s simple repetitive work and Daryl doesn’t care to get cozy too quickly with anyone outside their immediate family.  Since the first time Beth had seen the schedule of fence and watch duties - posted after one of the first meetings of the freshly-formed Council a few days after Rick’s return from Woodbury with the busload of newcomers - she’d been unsurprised to be paired with Daryl.  Rick wouldn’t pass up the chance to spend the prescribed time with Carl and Beth’s always understood that in the ranking of able bodied fighters she’s at or near the bottom.  Still, it works out better than she expected at first, her and Daryl.  The exertion is good, and the quiet, since Daryl’s rarely much for making conversation beyond checking that the baby’s doing well.  Being close to the walker’s groaning and growling for a few hours makes Beth grateful for the living voices inside for a while afterward.   It’s a good thing of course, at its heart, to have more people with them but day to day it’s still startling to hear unfamiliar voices after going so long with only the ten of them.  

 

“Your dad said you need to come out for a clothes run soon.”

 

“Yeah, Luke and Molly are both about to grow out of everything they’ve got.  Karen’s shoes are about worn through too, she’s got duct tape on ‘em.  And Judy’s growin’ like a weed,” she adds, smiling.

 

“Gotta scout a place.  Might be a week or two ‘fore we can do it.”

 

“We’ll be fine til then.  Not like anybody’s worried about lookin’ fashionable.”

 

Daryl snorts and Beth catches him glancing at her from the corner of her eye and smiles.  After that they work in silence for a long time, until Beth’s shoulders and neck are throbbing and tingling and her palms burn inside their gloves.

 

“Rick treatin’ you okay?”  Daryl asks suddenly.  He’s barely winded, sending the sharpened tip of the cane through skulls and pulling it back like he’s tossing and catching a tennis ball against a wall.

 

Beth looks over in question but Daryl’s focused on the walkers.  She can tell he’s watching her without actually looking at her; he’s the only person she knows who can do that.  She’s never sure whether it bothers her or not.

 

“Fine,” she answers.  There’s a long pause, and even with the repetitive aim, stab, yank, repeat, she can tell Daryl’s waiting.  She sighs.  “He’s not usually like you heard him last night.  And then yesterday I guess I could have handled things better,” she adds.  “He doesn’t say much.  I mean it’s not like I have to have some deep conversation with him or anythin’.  But . . . He could say _somethin_ ’.”

 

Daryl nods and seems to consider that for a few minutes before he speaks again.

 

“At the beginning, he first came out of the boiler block, didn’t know if he was ever really comin’ back, y’know?”

 

“Yeah.  Y’think...”

 

“Huh.”

 

“Y’think it reminds him of Lori?  When Carl was a baby?”

 

Daryl shrugs.  He’s getting grouchy, she can tell.  Even when Daryl starts a conversation he gets twitchy when it goes on for too long.  She turns the tire iron a few times in her hands and shakes her head.

 

“Listen to me.  Complainin’ he’s not tryin’ to make conversation.  Like it didn’t just happen a few months ago.  I still think about my mom and Shawn.  Patricia, Otis.  T.  I think about all of them, don’t you?”

 

Daryl shrugs.  He leans back from the fence and lets his hands hang at his sides for a minute, shaking the cane back and forth in one hand.  Beth stabs the last walker from the huddle and when she yanks the tire iron back through the fence the body, a big tall man with long shaggy hair, falls forward against the fence, arms flailing sluggishly at his sides.  Beth jumps back at first, but then squares her shoulders and plants one foot as high as she can manage on his stomach and launches her weight forward to shove him back from the fence.  She stumbles a little as she gets her feet back under her and glances over at Daryl.  He’s already moving past her, grabbing the tire iron from her hands as he goes.

 

“Go ‘head in,” he throws over his shoulder as he takes long strides towards another small build up on a section of the fences even further out from the Woodbury group.  “I got the rest.”

 

Later, Beth sits at the little desk in her cell with the first aid kit open and rubs antibiotic ointment into the broken blisters on her hands.  

 

“What happened?” Hershel asks from the doorway.

 

“Just old gloves,” she shrugs, even as she hisses in pain as she starts trying to dress the broken skin with one hand.

 

“Let me.”  Hershel motions her up and takes her place on the chair while she moves to sit on the floor, her arm stretched up to rest her hand palm up on her Daddy’s knee while he works on her hand.  “Need to ask for your help with something.”

 

Beth watches him expectantly as he waits a moment before continuing.

 

“You’ve been fillin’ in the gaps for Rick with Judith when he’s out on runs or doin’ other work around here.  I know it’s not been easy for you to be in that position.  You know as well as anyone what it means to lose someone when you’re not ready for it, the toll that’s taking on him.”

 

Hershel takes the band-aid Beth hands him and applies it carefully.  He looks at her for a moment.  Beth stays still and won’t meet his eyes.

 

“You saw Carl shoot that boy in the woods.  You saw how he was with Lori, how he is with Rick.  We’re gonna lose him to darkness if things don’t change.  Rick’s got to be able to focus on him, show him another way.”

 

“I try to keep an eye on Carl but he doesn’t really listen to me either.”

 

“I know.  It’s got to be Rick but for that to happen he’s got to be here.”  He motions for the other bandaid and Beth hands it to him.

 

“What do we do?”  Beth asks quietly, watching as he smoothes the bandaid along the ragged and abraded webbing between her thumb and forefinger.

 

“I’m gonna talk to Rick.  When we got here he agreed we should plant crops.  He’s got to stop goin’ on runs and stay here.  Even before my leg I wouldn’t be able to do all the work myself.  I’ll have him and Carl work with me on planting and bringing in some animals.”

 

Hershel finishes wrapping her hand and holds it between both of his own.  “It’s gonna be hard for him to get Carl on board and it’s gonna wear on him, bein’ here while others go out.  You’ve got to be around him more than anyone else because of Judith.”

 

“I’ll be fine.”  She gives him a smile, stiff-mouthed and tight around the eyes as she hands him the roll of gauze and he wraps her hand to protect the sore skin the bandaids don’t cover.  Hershel releases her hand and she stands and leans against the desk for a moment.  “It’ll be good for everyone, if he can stay back.  I’ll be fine.”

 

“Bethy,” Hershel says, pausing and considering the floor under his boot, “don’t confuse doin’ with being.  You can say you’re alright but those are just words.  You’ve unpacked your bag but if you’re gonna help care for that little girl you gonna have to _be_ here, just like Rick.  It’s time to grow now, put some roots down.  And you can’t do that unless you’re right side up, facing the sun.  That’s what it’s there for, even if when it burns.  You and Judith are good for each other.  Rick will see that.”

 

He stands and kisses Beth’s temple and reaches up to gently smudge away the tear slipping down her cheek.

__________

 


	2. Chapter 2

The day Hershel first takes him out to the fields Rick cuts it short to head out on a run with Daryl, Sasha, and two of the men from Woodbury.  Supplies are growing rapidly scarcer with a growing crowd of mouths to feed, backs to clothe, and cuts and scrapes to bandage against infection, and runs go often with bigger teams desperate for bigger hauls.

 

The team doesn’t come back until the next day, short one man, but they’ve got two newcomers in tow, a pair of brothers named James and Jackson who come with a dusty black Charger hiding an impressive arsenal in the trunk.  Rick hands them off to Hershel for their introduction to the organization and routines of their new living situation before heading over to D block with the other Woodbury survivor to let the others from his group know that their friend hadn’t made it back.  It’s raining out and the wet cold seems to seep in through all the walls of the prison.  Everyone’s pushed inside by the weather but the restlessness of the cell blocks is muted even though this was the third time in as many weeks Rick had come back from a run with more people than he’d left with.  Something’s missing though, and when he checks on Carl, already putting together a grave marker, he realizes he hasn’t seen or heard Beth or Judith anywhere.

 

“I think Beth took her to the library.  That was a while ago though.”

 

The sounds of the cellblocks grow muffled as Rick makes his way through the corridors to the library, and the hairs on the back of his neck start to raise.  He enters quietly and scans around the big open room but doesn’t hear the baby or Beth’s voice.  When he rounds a corner he catches sight of blonde hair spread messily over the arm of one of the threadbare sofas they’d dragged over from the offices in the administration building.

 

Beth is curled up on the sofa with Judith snuggled on her shoulder, both asleep with an old wool blanket spread loosely over them.  Rick lets out a breath at the sight.  His feet carry him silently to one of the wooden chairs sitting across from the sofa and he sinks down into it, wincing at the ache in his back and knees.  He’s exhausted, physically and mentally, from the run and the months of runs and battles and work before it.  Something about one of the new guys they’d brought back today - Jackson, a wiry guy with eyes so dark brown they look black and a habit of announcing whatever passed through his head like it was a joke while his brother laughed dumbly - had set his teeth on edge from the minute they’d found him and the anxious feeling still persisted.  A day out in the chill and rain didn’t help.  Rick’s clothes are heavy and cold with water and grime and he hasn’t eaten anything since the day before.  

 

But he sits and lets his eyes wander over Beth’s delicate hand resting on Judith’s back, rising and falling with the baby’s breaths.  Beth’s eyes flick back and forth behind her lids as if she’s dreaming but Judith is passed out so hard she’s drooling, her little mouth puckered open between her round cheeks.  Rick grins at that, and it hits him suddenly how utterly peaceful and secure they look lying there together.  Beth’s knife sheath sits on the floor next to the sofa within arm’s reach but other than that and the bars on the windows they could be curled up together in the living room of a house untouched by the last year.

 

He leans back in the chair and scrubs at his chin absentmindedly, eyes glued to the scene in front of him.  Minutes pass and he still sits, letting himself bask in the quiet and memorize the curves of his daughter’s face and the way her dimpled hand curls loosely around a strand of Beth’s hair.  He hears footfalls and sits up, half out of his chair already when he sees Glenn around the other side of the bookcases setting some maps out on the table where the Council meetings take place.  Rick steps carefully past the sofa and when Glenn looks up motions him back out into the hallway.

 

“You need the room right away?” he asks.

 

Glenn shakes his head, matching Rick’s lowered volume.  “Not for a while yet, I was just getting some things ready before lunch.”

 

“Okay.  Beth has Judy in there, I wanna let them sleep for a while if we can.”

 

“Sure.  I met the new guys.”

 

“Yeah, they were camped in that post office off route 20.”

 

“What happened with Teddy?” Glenn asks quietly.

 

Rick shakes his head.  “Same way it always happens.  Just couldn’t get to him fast enough.  Sometimes I can’t think how we ever made it from the farm to here with how easy it is to lose people.”

 

Glenn shrugs.  “We got good at it.  You helped make us that way.”

 

Rick shrugs off the sentiment and looks at the toes of his boots.  He scuffs one against the floor and glances over his shoulder through the cracked open door behind him.

 

“Meeting’s not for a while yet?” he confirms, looking back at Glenn, who nods.  “Know where Hershel is?  I gotta talk to him.”

 

_____

  
  


They settle into a routine quickly as the weather gets milder and soon every morning finds Rick heading out to the fields instead of out on a run or to the fences.  Carl joins somewhat reluctantly at first and it’ll take him longer to really warm up to the idea but he’s going along with it and that’s enough for the time being.  Like she had on the first day Rick brought Carl out with him, Beth brings Judith out for a while each morning to get them both some fresh air and sunlight.  Planting is done by the end of the first week, and by the end of the second they have the pigpen along with a stall for a horse and a small shed constructed in the field as well.  The day Rick, Carl, and Daryl bring in the wild pigs they’d trapped in the woods is surreal in the best way.  Daryl is a good hunter and Rick’s snares had been a fairly steady source of small game, but watching them drive one of the pickups across the yard and herd the big moving, alive pigs into their pen stops everyone in their tracks who had come out to watch.  

 

Beth bounces Judith on her hip and narrates all of it to her.  There’s so much laughing and smiling as the old ladies and kids from Woodbury crowd closer.  In the little cluster made up of their group - Beth’s family both blood and by circumstance - Rick takes Judith from Beth’s arms and jiggles the baby, holding her up above his head until she shrieks with laughter and Beth feels surrounded, feels _full_ , Judith’s laughs and the pigs rooting into their feed, her dad’s hand on her shoulder and the sun warm on her face.  

 

She’d unpacked her bag long before, had started putting things up in her cell, and there had always been Judith to hope for even when she was still a waiting mystery in Lori’s belly, but that day was when it happened that Beth’s heart took root in the possibilities of this place.

 

_____

  
  


A few days later Judith is awake for most of the night cutting her first tooth.  Beth has her in her cell so Rick can rest before getting Carl up for an early start at weeding and setting up compost barrels.  Between the pain, runny nose, and a low fever the baby is miserable and fussy.  Rick hesitates outside Beth’s cell until there’s a lull in Judith’s whimpers.

 

“Beth?” he calls softly.

 

“Come in.”

 

He opens the curtained door and ducks in to see Beth pacing back and forth, bouncing Judith on her shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, she must be keepin’ everybody up, I can’t get her to-”  Beth starts, but Rick just shakes his head and holds his hands out.  After she carefully hands Judith over Beth wipes off her hand the baby had been chewing on before draping the cloth over Rick’s shoulder.  She steps back and slumps against the frame of her bunk, rubbing at her forehead and then shaking out her hands before she folds her arms and tilts her head to watch as Rick offers Judith his finger to gnaw on and feels around her gums gently.

 

“Almost sweetheart,” he murmurs to the baby, and kisses her head.  He looks over at Beth.  “Doin’ alright?”

 

She shrugs.  “Just gotta get her through it.”

 

Rick smiles sadly.  “I meant you, Beth.”

 

Beth nods slowly, her gaze fastened to the floor.  “I’m alright,” she answers evenly.  

 

Judith squirms and lets out a loud wail and Rick winces, standing up from where he’d been leaning against the edge of the desk.  He goes over to the crib and rocks Judith a bit more before laying her down on her back and tucking the cloth into her little hands.  Beth watches as he stays stooped over the crib for a moment, murmuring softly and patting Judith’s belly as she settles.  She doesn’t fall asleep, but she’s not fussing as hard either.  Beth sighs and presses a palm to her forehead and closes her eyes.

 

“Carl used to hate bein’ held all the time,” Rick says softly as he straightens and turns back to face Beth.  “I’d come home and find Lori holdin’ him in the rocking chair, both just about  screamin’ their heads off.”  He huffs out a laugh before going quiet.

 

When Beth opens her eyes he’s standing in front of her, fidgeting his hands in front of him.  She glances over at the crib where Judith mumbles to herself as she chews on her fist, playing with her feet with her other hand.  Tears well up in Beth’s eyes from exhaustion, helplessness, and relief all at once.

 

“Hey,” Rick says softly, reaching for her but not quite touching until Beth nods and holds her arms open for him to step into her space.  

 

She leans against his chest and they stand still for a moment, his hands steady and gentle on the back of her neck and her waist and hers twined around him, her palms flat on his shoulder blades.  Rick inhales deeply after a moment and moves to shift away from her, gently pulling her arms from around him.  He steps back and leans his hips against the desk and they both stand quietly watching Judith sleep.

 

“You should rest, you’ve got a long day tomorrow.”

 

Rick shrugs it off, “I’ll be fine.”

 

Beth widens her eyes a little, “well you’ve gotta keep her for me tomorrow night, don’t forget.  I’ve got the run with Daryl and Glenn day after tomorrow.”

 

Rick’s brow furrows for a moment.  “Forgot about that.  We need more clothes already?”

 

“And first aid supplies.  Daddy’s been setting up kits so we can have stations in each cell block.  I think Daryl’s looking for car stuff too.”

 

Rick snorts softly.  “Car stuff?”

 

“You know, motor oil . . . wrenches . . . dipsticks.  I dunno.”

 

Rick covers his mouth to stifle his laughter and Beth blushes but smiles too.  They both quiet again, peeking over the edge of the crib when Judith yawns and rubs a chubby fist against one eye.

 

“D’you need anything?” Beth asks.

 

“Nah, I’ve got everything I need, thank you,” he murmurs.  Beth nods in response and stifles a yawn in the long quiet that follows.

 

“Thank you,” he repeats quietly.

 

“For what?”

 

“I couldn’t do this without you.  Any of it.  Goin’ out or stayin’ back.”

 

“I know.”  Beth says softly.  “You’re not alone, Rick.”

  
He looks up, eyes locking with hers.  She smiles slightly before looking back to Judith sleeping peacefully in her crib.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems there's some Beth/Emily hate around today so here's an early update to add to all the love in response :)

“Well lookie here, baby Greene’s all growed up.”

 

Beth rolls her eyes at Daryl as Maggie fusses over her, making sure the pistol is sitting right in the thigh holster Beth is borrowing from her for the day’s run.  Beth feels constrained with the gun strapped to her leg and her knife in its sheath at her opposite hip, but at least they’re not still trying to make her wear the riot gear.  It hadn’t taken too much to convince Maggie and their father that raiding closets wouldn’t require full body armour, especially with Glenn and Daryl there with her, but the idea still apparently had to be considered.

 

“You’re sure you don’t want me to go with?”  Maggie asks again.  

 

Beth sighs and takes Maggie’s face in her hands.  “You’ve been out twice this week.  Besides, you don’t even know what we need for clothes.  I’d spend the whole time tellin’ you yes or no and it would take twice as long.”  She kisses Maggie’s cheek and hugs her briefly.  “Been plannin’ this for weeks now.  We’ll be back by dark, I’ll be fine.”

 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Maggie sighs.

 

Beth pokes Maggie hard in the ribs as she pulls away and Maggie yanks a strand of her hair in return before turning to Glenn to hug him as well.  Beth already gave Judith a kiss that morning before setting her in Carol’s arms but she finds herself glancing towards the prison yard where she can see Rick standing with her dad and Carl and a few others lingering after breakfast.

 

“Who’s the team?”  Jackson asks Rick as they watch from inside the fences at the base of one of the guard towers.

 

“You met Daryl and Glenn already, and that’s Beth,” Rick answers.  “They’re gonna check out a neighborhood off route 20 for supplies.”

 

“Shit, how long I gotta be here before I get to take a little field trip with a piece of ass like that?  I guess she doesn’t mind gettin’ double teamed, huh?”

 

Rick freezes in place.  He feels every hair on the back of his neck stand, a rush of ice through his veins, a rock of fury forming in his throat.  His eyes flick over to Hershel standing at his other side.  Hershel looks from Jackson to Rick and then in one move Rick has Jackson with his back to the wall of the guard tower, his forearm barred across the other man’s throat and shoulder to hold him in place.  Jackson barely gets a squawk of surprise out before Rick presses hard against his throat.  Hershel moves closer on his crutches, calmly coming to a stop at Rick’s side and considering Jackson’s panicked face for a moment.  Carl stands stock still nearby, eyes wide and hands flexing empty at his sides as he watches.

 

“I’m gonna explain some things you must have missed when you first got here,” Hershel says.  He glances to the small group readying the truck for the run.  “That young woman is my daughter.  Glenn is her brother-in-law.  I count Daryl and Rick here as family too.  If you’re harboring thoughts of laying a hand on her or any other woman here, I want you to remember that none of us would hesitate to throw you back outside those fences, and if the women got a hold of you first you’d wish we had.”

 

Jackson, now beginning to turn purple, nods as much as he can, his eyes watering.  Rick waits a long moment, pushing harder and harder on his throat before backing up.  He’s breathing heavy with his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.  Hershel watches Rick from the corner of his eye as Jackson struggles to stand straight and rubs at his throat.

 

“Thought you people had a Council to make decisions like that.  Thought this place was civilized,” he croaks out finally.  

 

“I’m on the Council, so are Glenn and Daryl.  Even if I wasn’t, if you think you can say that kind of thing about my family and see no consequences, you’re very wrong.  If you’re gonna have a problem abiding by anything you’ve just learned you should head out today.”

 

Jackson turns toward the prison, giving Rick a wide berth as Rick watches him go, hands on his hips and the fingertips of one hand tapping against the handle of the knife sheathed on his belt.

 

“You alright?” Hershel asks Rick once Jackson is several yards away.

 

Rick nods silently after a moment, glancing over at Carl.

 

“Are we gonna let him stay?” Carl asks, looking from Rick to Hershel.

 

“For now,” Hershel answers.  “Things like this are part of building a community.  He’ll either realize he needs to be respectful, or he’ll have to find someplace else.  I’ll let the others know to keep an eye on him and his friend.  We won’t let either of them work with any of the women alone.”

 

Rick nods again, lets out a breath and rubs his hands over his face.  He reaches over and pats Carl’s shoulder.  “Come on, let’s get out there, work on the weeding.”  He glances at Hershel and nods, still tense and almost shaky as he turns to follow Carl out to the fields.

 

At the gates Beth sits in the backseat of the truck with the door open, flipping through a travel case of CDs.  Glenn’s quiet in the front seat so she can hear the exchange between Maggie and Daryl as they stand alongside the truck, having finished tying down the empty bins in the back.  She can almost feel the quiet looks they give each other when Maggie says, “bring her back,” and Daryl answers, “I got ‘er,” with a steady nod.

 

With that Daryl climbs in the driver’s seat and they take off through the gates, leaving Maggie and Sasha to close up behind them and the scattered residents in the yard to watch as they drive away.

 

It’s not a long drive to the secluded neighborhood of what had been well-kept modest houses.  Overgrown yards are separated from the streets by sidewalks now broken and choked by weeds and grass.  

 

“Been a while since you been out,” Daryl says as he backs the truck into the driveway of the first house.  He glances at Beth briefly in the rearview mirror.  “You gonna upchuck again?”

 

Beth rolls her eyes and sighs.  “It was one time.”

 

“Hey what _did_ you have for breakfast this morning?” Glenn asks teasingly.

 

“I was _sick_ , and Glenn I seem to remember you got so sick you threw up until you _cried_.”

 

“Good times,” Glenn sighs.  “That stomach virus really brought us all so much closer.  Except for Daryl.”

 

“Yeah well, somebody had to keep watch while y’all were holdin’ each other’s hair and cryin’.”

 

The moment of levity passes when Daryl opens his door and Beth’s heart rate speeds up as they hop out of the truck at the first house.  When Daryl mutters, “formation,” Beth steps up to flank his left side, walking sideways and keeping her head on a swivel behind them, pistol cocked and ready in her hands.  She feels the familiar rush of determination, eyes peeled and ears alert even as her heart pounds frantically in her chest and they move as a unit toward the house.  It’s been months since their days on the road of clearing houses and sweeping abandoned stores in teams that were at times made up not of their strongest fighters but just whoever wasn’t injured, sick, or keeping watch.  Beth had had her turns at being one of the first in like everyone else; on the road they couldn’t pick and choose who did what all the time and she’d learned fast after those first shooting lessons on the farm to walk silently and shoot straight, to throw her weight into the swing of an axe or a machete and stay balanced on her feet to duck and dodge.

 

It’s quiet and still all around, the only movement a slight breeze rustling through the trees and a few birds swooping from a roof to a powerline now and then.  Daryl tries the knob and then pounds on the door of the first house and they peek in through the grimy windows while they wait a moment.  When there’s no activity inside they head in, doing a quick sweep to clear all the rooms and the garage before Glenn and Beth set to work in the bedrooms upstairs.

 

“Hey do we need tampons?”

 

“When have we ever not needed tampons?”

 

“Yikes, okay.  Do you need some now?”

 

Beth makes to throw the shoe in her hand at Glenn’s head but he whips the door to the ensuite bathroom closed and the shoe bounces off of it instead.

 

“Kidding!” he yells from inside.  Beth goes over to pick the shoe back up and kicks the door soundly for good measure.

 

“Y’know just because you’re marryin’ my sister doesn’t mean you have to take the whole ‘brother’ thing that much to heart,” she says, voice raised a little.  She tosses the shoe and its mate on the bed and Glenn opens the door to chuck two boxes of tampons and a bottle of Midol onto the bed as well.

 

“Well it’s been awhile.  My brother game might be rusty.”

 

Beth starts pulling clothes off hangers, flipping through for whatever looks breathable and sturdy for summer or lightweight but warm for colder weather.  “Were you close with your sisters?” she asks.

 

“Susie was ten years older and Lydia was fourteen months younger.  It was just the three of us sometimes when my mom went back to work so we got pretty close for a while before Susie got married.  She used to complain to her friends that it was like she was a teenage mom because she had to watch us so much.”

 

Beth smiles, catching Glenn’s eye as they both turn to toss more items onto the bed.  

 

“Shawn and I were like that with Maggie sometimes.  Mama was home with us and Shawn was two years older than me but we would both get under Maggie’s skin any chance we could get.  We were all kinda hot and cold I guess.  We fought a lot, about stupid stuff.  But . . . like at school there was this guy Maggie was goin’ out with, and he heard a rumour Maggie made out with his friend after this football game so he dumped her in front of all their friends.  He was such a jerk about it.  So Shawn and his friends went and beat both of ‘em up.”

 

“Kinda hard to picture Maggie letting anybody beat up a guy for her,” Glenn says, and Beth smiles again.

 

“Yeah she was always tough.  She just didn’t used to be able to back it up.  Sometimes I think she’s not afraid of anything anymore.”

 

“What about you?”

 

Beth considers a t-shirt for a long moment.  “I still get just as scared as I always did.  I just know what to do about it now.”  She shakes her head, shaking off the mood with it, and looks over her shoulder at Glenn, smiling.

 

“Nah, I don’t buy it,” Glenn teases, pointing a finger at her, “you spend like three hours a week at the fences with Daryl.   _That_ is badass.”

 

“It’s not that bad!” Beth laughs, “once you get over the not-talkin’ and makin’ you look bad because he never gets winded.”

 

“I know right?” Glenn agrees, gathering up the corners of the comforter around their pile of supplies and carrying the whole thing out to the hallway.  “He’s like a goddamn Terminator!”

 

“Wasn’t that a movie?” Beth asks, heading out into the hallway stepping into the second of the house’s three bedrooms.

 

“Beth.  Oh my god,” Glenn’s stands in the doorway of the bedroom, his eyes wide.  “You never saw Terminator?”

 

“No,” she murmurs, looking over a pair of boy’s sneakers.  “It had robots or somethin’ right?” she asks as she hands the shoes to Glenn.

 

He gazes, aghast, down at the shoes as she starts going through the closet.  “No.  No, no, no, not robots.”  He tosses the shoes onto the pile on top of the comforter now laid out in the middle of the hallway.  “Cyborgs.”

 

“. . . there’s a difference?”  Beth calls from inside the closet as Glenn heads into the hall bathroom.

 

“Did your brother teach you nothing?”

 

“Apparently not.  He was more into video games anyway.”

 

Glenn shakes his head at his own reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror.  “Alright,” he says, voice raised so Beth can hear him as they work.  “I’m going to tell you a story, about a man named John Connor, and his mother, Sarah . . . ”

 

They finish the first house and move on to the next, again moving in formation as they head inside.  Beth notes the framed family portrait in the front hallway with a sonogram picture tucked in one corner, dated April 2010.  It’s quiet in the house but Beth’s hands are shaking and a feeling of dread crawls up her throat with each bedroom door they open.  

 

There’s a small bedroom at the end of the hallway nearest the stairs that’s been turned into a playroom, painted light green and scattered with dress up clothes.  Daryl kicks at a Barbie doll with half the face chewed off and Beth realizes the pile of fabric next to it is an empty rat’s nest.  The next bedroom, a larger one with floral wallpaper and a bunk bed, is clear.  The master bedroom is as well - the four poster bed is strung with spiderwebs but neatly made up with an abundance of satin-covered pillows piled at the head.  Glenn kicks open the door to the hall bathroom: empty.  There are two doors left on the hallway; one is a a small bifold, obviously a linen closet, the other has a little wooden sign painted with yellow stripes hanging from the knob that says “Shh! I’m sleeping” in curly blue lettering.  

 

Daryl shoulders further in front of Beth, blocking most of the doorway, and nods to Glenn, waiting on his signal.  Beth tries to take in a deep breath but the hallway suddenly feels airless.  She’s half-trapped between Daryl and the linen closet doors, leaning heavily against the wall and trying to keep her focus as time seems to slow to a crawl.  Glenn turns the knob and pushes open the door, stepping back for Daryl to duck through, crossbow raised.

 

The room is clean, half-furnished and stocked with baby supplies, never used.  Glenn leaves quietly, heading back to the hall bathroom to start his sweep for supplies.  Daryl stands there silently for a few moments.  Beth goes over to the changing table where another sonogram has been taped to the wall, this time one showing just the spiking dotted line of a heartbeat.  Beth clears her throat and pulls open the top drawer of the table, finding it full of diapering supplies.

 

“Got a lot more houses to get through,” Daryl mutters before he turns on his heel and leaves.

 

Beth holsters her pistol and gets to work.

 

Glenn starts up with the plot of the second Terminator movie when Beth meets him in the hallway to dump an armload of board books, onesies, socks, and teething rings onto the blanket he’s already laid out in the hallway.

 

“They locked her up?”

 

“Wouldn’t you if someone was claiming there were cyborgs trying to kill them?”

 

Beth shrugs.  “Maybe before there were dead people walkin’ around tryin’ to kill us.”

 

“Touche.  Hey,” he taps her arm and she pauses and turns back to him.  “You okay?”

 

He glances beyond her at the open nursery door.  Beth nods and takes a deep breath.  “I’d rather think that maybe they got somewhere safe, y’know?  Maybe that baby was born and his family’s still together alive somewhere.”

 

Glenn nods slowly, but it’s hesitant.  Beth looks down at the four pack of tiny white socks in her hands.  “Doesn’t hurt anything to think that maybe they’re okay somewhere.”

 

“I guess not,” Glenn says placatingly.  “But assuming the best of cyborgs won’t get you anywhere in life.”

 

Beth smiles gratefully.  “I thought you said Arnold Schwarzenegger was the good guy in this one.”

 

“Ah, but the T-1000 is on his way.”

 

That house goes quickly along with the next two as they work their way around the cul de sac and soon they’re stopping and picking out their lunch from the little haul of food Daryl had been checking for as they went.  There’s a swing set under a towering oak in the fenced-in backyard of the house they’ve just finished and Beth and Glenn each sit on a swing, Daryl leaning against one of the supports for the slide platform alongside them.  They eat mostly in silence but it’s companionable as they pass a can of green beans and a bag of stale pretzels between them.  Daryl found a six pack of non-alcoholic beer in one of the garages, proclaiming it “better’n water at least” as he tosses Glenn and Beth each a can.  He’s right; it’s skunky and flat but anything other than water or coffee feels like a treat.

 

They finish quickly, leaving behind the creaking swing set to form up again for the sweep through the last house on the block, stepping over shards of broken clay where a few of the potted plants hanging on hooks across the front of the house have fallen.  The inside of the house is crammed with spindley wooden plant stands, china figurines, and decorative wooden birdhouses.  The two female walkers who come shambling toward them in the entryway are downed in moments, Daryl and Glenn each taking one out easily.  Beth pauses briefly as she steps over the bodies, leans down and tugs down the denim skirt one of the women was wearing where it’s rucked up above her gray blotchy-skinned knees.  Daryl glances back at her when she steps up to shadow him closely at his left shoulder again as they head down the hallway to the bedrooms.

 

“Never seen so much _shit_ in one place,” Daryl mutters, flicking at the bird perched on a cuckoo clock on his way out to the garage after they’ve done their sweep.  This house is smaller and after a quick peek in the closets Beth decided her best bet for useful clothes would be checking if they had off-season storage in the garage so she follows him out while Glenn sorts through the bathroom.

 

“Some of it’s nice,” Beth says a little defensively, reaching to straighten the clock on the wall behind him.

 

“Hippie garden shit,” he mutters.  He points to a foot-tall brightly painted garden gnome standing on the sparsely-outfitted workbench along the back of the garage.  “Think that creepy little fucker’s nice?”

 

Beth’s eyes light up.  “He’s adorable!”  She goes over to brush the dust off the figure.

 

Daryl rolls his eyes - “Jesus,” - but Beth just grins at the little white-bearded clay man.  “I’m keeping him,” she announces.  “We’ve got room.”

 

“Got room for a lotta things,” he says as he squints at the shelving loaded down with plastic totes along the far wall.  “Here, winter clothes.”  He pulls two bins down for her and scans along the rest but they’re all labeled “decor” for various holidays.  When he turns around she’s gone but a moment later she’s coming back in, sans gnome.  

 

“I buckled him into the backseat so he won’t get broken,” she grins, brushing the dust off her hands.

 

Daryl shakes his head at her but grumbles “whatever,” and leaves her to go through the clothes while he picks through the meager tool supply.

 

They finish the last house and secure the containers they’d sorted everything into in the back of the truck as the sun dips lower and lower toward the horizon, the sky a glimmering orange as backdrop for Glenn’s telling of Terminator 3.  He finishes as they drive back and Beth leans back against the seat, looking out the window a little wistfully.  The prison means safety, means life and families and consecutive hours of real sleep every night, but being outside those fences feels more like real life somehow, especially after their considerable luck of only running into two walkers the whole day.

 

When they get back to the prison it’s dim evening, the color all gone out of the sky, and Maggie bursts out the door of the guard tower as Tyreese and Rick close the gates behind the truck.  Beth meets her a few steps from the truck and Maggie grabs her up in a brief bruising hug.  After a few reassurances and a greeting for Glenn Maggie heads inside with him, each with an armload of supplies, to let Hershel know they’re back.  Beth turns around, nearly running into Rick, and he catches her around the waist and hugs her tightly, lifting her up until her feet just skim the ground.  Beth gasps a little and returns his embrace.

 

“Hi,” she says softly around a laugh, and he huffs out a breath against her neck.

 

“You okay?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” she answers as he loosens his hold on her.  She smiles up at him.  “How’s Judy?”

 

“She’s good.  She’s with Carol.  She was okay.  Everything went alright?”  He looks briefly at Daryl and Tyreese starting to unload the truck bed before his eyes fall back to Beth, who is watching him consideringly.

 

“You really don’t like stayin’ back do you?” she asks with a laugh in her voice.  She pats his arms and he releases her, hands falling from her waist as they head over to the truck to help.

 

Rick smiles back and shrugs.  “Guess not.”  He nods to the truck bed full of tied-down bins.  “You find everything you were lookin’ for?”

 

“Got a pretty good haul.  Princess here kept her lunch down,” Daryl answers as he rounds the truck and tosses the gnome to Beth.  She barely catches it, glaring over at Daryl but he shrugs with a ghost of a smile at the corners of his mouth and nods to Rick before turning back to the truck.  

 

Beth sighs and holds the gnome up proudly to Rick.  “I’m gonna name him Kyle,” she says, giggling.  Daryl shakes his head and mutters something around a huff of a laugh and Rick glances between the two of them, laughing confusedly.  “It’s a long story,” Beth adds, shifting the figurine to one arm and taking one of the canvas bags from Daryl to head inside.

 

On their way in Jackson crosses their path, walking through C block to D.  He speeds up, almost power walking away from them when he catches Rick’s eye for a second.  Rick watches him go, twisting the handles of the bags in his hands and gritting his teeth against the sudden tight lump of fire in his throat.

 

When they’re unloading everything in one of the common rooms off the cellblocks Tyreese dumps three bags of only somewhat stale jumbo marshmallows out of one of the bags.  As much as he asks, Beth Glenn and Daryl refuse to say who grabbed them and let Tyreese be the one to reveal them to the delight of the little kids at the end of dinner.

 

They drag a metal barrel out to the pavement between cellblocks and Rick brings twigs and sticks he and Carl cleared from the fields along with a few logs of firewood.  Everyone pulls chairs and benches from the picnic tables into a circle around the barrel while Rick and Carl  get the fire going.  Beth comes out with Judith, the baby bundled up in purple footie pajamas, drowsily flopped out on Beth’s lap once she sits down.  Rick takes a seat next to them and smiles, brushing the backs of his fingers over one of his daughter’s plump cheeks as she blinks sleepily up at him.  He sits back, setting one ankle on his opposite knee and resting his arm along the back of Beth’s chair.

 

“Luke’s never had s’mores before,” Beth says quietly, smiling at the little curly-haired boy as Karen helps him hold his stick with a marshmallow on the end steady over the flames.   Rick glances over before turning his gaze to Beth.  “Some of the kids were talking about it when I was out with them the other day; things they missed, things they never had.  One of them would say something and the rest would all say why it was probably no good anyway.”  Beth huffs out a sad laugh and bows her head to breathe in against Judith’s downy hair.  “It was really sweet,” she murmurs.

 

Rick smiles softly.  The group around the barrel is growing, the kids having been the first out after dinner.  Hershel and Daryl come out, Hershel following when Daryl heads over to lean against the building where he can see out towards the watch towers or turn back to survey the group of them gathered around the fire.  

 

“Everything go as smoothly as Bethy said?” Hershel asks casually.

 

“Only saw two walkers the whole time.  Pretty quiet day.  Could use more like it,” Daryl answers.  He tucks the fingers of one hand around the strap of the crossbow against his chest and glances over at Hershel.  “You think she was lyin’?”

 

“She wants to protect me from worryin’ about her.  Doesn’t seem to realize that’s about as likely as those pigs growin’ wings.”

 

Daryl huffs out something like a laugh.  “She did fine.  Didn’t forget anything from bein’ on the road.”  Hershel nods and silence falls over the two men for a few moments as they watch the gathering around the makeshift bonfire.  

 

“Gonna have to keep an eye on Jackson,” Hershel says.

 

“What for?”

 

Hershel sighs, “He said somethin’ lewd this morning, about Beth.  Rick was there, put some fear into him.  Had him choked just about unconscious before I was through trying to talk some sense into him.”

 

“Talk some sense into Rick or Jackson?”

 

“Jackson,” Hershel amends, and Daryl grunts approvingly.  “Any of us woulda done the same,” Hershel says, and he adjusts his grip on his crutches meaningfully.

 

Daryl turns his head to look out toward the guard towers, across the darkened yard.  “Rick don’t think so?”

 

“You know Rick.  No matter what he does, he’s always convinced there’s something he should have done different or better.”

 

Daryl nods slowly and squints back at the group around the barrel again.  “End of the day I don’t think he worries himself too much ‘bout what he has to do to keep his family safe.  Lot worse people to have on your side.”

 

“My thoughts exactly,” Hershel agrees.  “Same goes for you,” he adds, not taking his eyes off the group.  He pushes off on his crutches without another word, heading toward the cluster of chairs where Rick and Beth are sitting.  

 

Rick pulls his arm from Beth’s chair and leans forward to see Judith’s eyes have slipped closed as she rests comfortably on the crook of Beth’s arm.

 

“She’s out.  Want me to take her?”

 

Beth shakes her head and tucks the blanket a little more securely around Judith.  She looks up as Hershel stops to kiss the top of her head.  She smiles and glances behind her but Hershel’s already heading past them, pausing to clap a hand on Rick’s shoulder too.  Rick watches after him for a few moments, hands resting loosely on his lap.

 

“I missed her today,” she says.  She holds one of Judith’s hands, smoothing her thumb back and forth across the baby’s tiny fingers.  "It was good, gettin’ to go out.  But I was glad to come back too.  I know . . . I know she's not mine-"

 

Rick shakes his head and leans forward to rest his elbows on his thighs, rubbing his hands together thoughtfully.  "No,” he says, brow furrowed.  “You’re with her every day, more’n I am most days.  Nobody asked you in the beginning, to take that on.  Lori . . . she’d be glad to see that.  Judy’s yours too."

 

"I love her like she is," Beth says through a smile.  She's tearing up just thinking about it, thinking about the sonogram pictures and the empty nursery and bodies spilling blackened blood over dingy floors.  The tears overflow over too fast for her to stop.

 

Rick sits back and wraps an arm around Beth’s shoulders, pulling her to his side a little roughly and pressing a kiss to her temple.  Beth leans into him for a moment, head tilted against his shoulder before she lets out a watery sigh and sits up straight again.  Rick lets his grip loosen and shift to the base of her neck, his thumb brushing lightly back and forth.

 

“The fire’s nice,” she says softly.

  
“Yeah,” he says distractedly, “it is nice.”  He sits back and rests his arm across the back of Beth’s chair again.

 

_____


	4. Chapter 4

“I liked the big Russian guy best, and the werewolf lookin’ one.”

 

“No way, Zangeif?  He was the best one!  Blanka was good too but Zangeif was better at punching.”

 

Beth grins and takes the button down shirt Carl’s finished wringing out and pins it to one of the clotheslines strung up in one corner of the yard.  There’s a slight breeze, just enough to ruffle the damp fabric now and then, and the sun blazes bright.  The talk turns to video games as an effort to get Carl to pout a little less about having to help with laundry instead of getting to read the comics Michonne had given him when she and Daryl got back from their latest tracking mission the previous night.  It still hurts, searing through Beth’s chest, to think about the lazy weekend afternoons she’d spent sitting on the floor with Shawn pestering him to let her play video games with him.  It had been an old dusty system he’d found at a garage sale and bought himself when their parents wouldn’t buy him the new one he really wanted, and he’d defiantly hooked it up to the tube TV in a corner of the living room and taught Beth how to blow into the cartridges to clear out the dust when they wouldn’t plug in right.

 

“Did you play any video games Maggie?”  Carl asks.

 

She shrugs.  “I was a little old for ‘em by the time Shawn was playin’.”

 

“You were always busy with horses and boys,” Beth corrects.

 

“Well I didn’t have a big brother to bother all the time now did I?”  Maggie teases back.  She wipes the back of her hand over her forehead once and then again to scrub off the trail of soap suds she’d left the first time before going back to scrubbing with a soft-bristled brush at the grass-stained knees of a pair of jeans.  “Are these yours?” she asks Carl, holding them up.

 

“Oh, yeah one of the piglets got out yesterday and I had to chase her down.”

 

Maggie shakes her head, laughing.  “Carl Grimes we will turn you into a country boy yet.  And you can wear these with the grass stains because I am not wearin’ my arms out on ‘em.”  

 

She tosses the sopping jeans at Carl to wring out and he hands them over to Beth when he’s done before going to collect the rolling bins they’d left out in the cellblock for everyone to fill with their bedsheets.  Beth steps around the clothesline and adjusts a pair of sweats threatening to slip out of their clothespins when Maggie calls her over.

 

“What?”

 

“Come _here_.”

 

When Beth rounds the clothesline Maggie’s holding out a loosely clenched fist towards Beth.  

 

“Take this please?” she says quietly, shooting a look toward the cellblock doors.

 

“What is it?” Beth asks as she comes closer, peering at Maggie.  Her hand is shaking slightly.

 

“Just take it and give it to Rick.”  Beth holds out her hand and stares at the mangled bullet Maggie drops into her palm.  “Before Carl gets back, go.”

 

She looks from the bullet back to her sister, now furiously scrubbing the muddy hems of a pair of Rick’s jeans.  Maggie stops, drops the scrub brush into the bucket of soapy water and scrubs one of her forearms across her eyes quickly.  “Please.”

 

Beth backs up a few steps, closing her hand around the bullet and turning to head towards the fields.  It slams into her when she’s halfway there - what the bullet was used for.  She feels a little sick at the thought, like the thing is moving in her palm, and all she can see for a few moments is Maggie’s hands, covered in bright red blood up to her elbows, holding tiny newborn Judith to her chest.

 

Beth stands just off the corner of the little shed by the pig pen, watching for a moment as Rick brushes down the horse.  She curls her fist tight around the bullet and part of her wants to throw it away or to bury it somewhere where it will never be found again; as if making the bullet disappear could mean Lori’s gravemarker wasn’t visible from where she stood.  Part of her thinks she could just keep it, hide it in her cell and never say a word about it but she knows it’s not hers.  Rick looks up and reaches up to tug out the earbuds of the old iPod Daryl had chucked at him upon returning from the clothes run last week.  He nods hello and drops a kiss on the horse’s head before coming towards Beth.

 

“Hey,” he greets her, smiling.

 

“Maggie found this in the laundry,” Beth blurts, holding out the bullet.  Rick stills.  He stares at the bullet held between her fingers, smile falling off his face as he starts to chew on his lower lip and crosses his arms in front of him.

 

“I didn’t . . .” he uncrosses his arms and gestures a little frantically, “I have it in my pocket all the time, I never- I always have it.”  

 

His voice is cracking and Beth tries to swallow around the lump in her throat and hold it together.  She gestures for him, and Rick lets her take one of his hands and set the bullet on his palm.  She curls his fingers around it and Rick closes his eyes.  She can see it on him, the overwhelming need to cry, and she’s stuffed it down enough times herself to know that doesn’t work every time.  She steps into his space and slips her arms around him carefully, holding him lightly and tucking her cheek against his chest.  Rick’s arms fall heavy around her shoulders and then he’s stooped over her, burying his face in her shoulder and she cradles the back of his head as his rough sobs start to vibrate through her.  She tucks her chin up over his shoulder and strokes her fingers through his sweat-damp curls, holding him tightly and staying silent.  There’s nothing to say.

 

Beth sees motion from the corner of her eye and glances over to see Maggie watching from the edge of the paved yard inside the fences. She starts toward them but Beth holds a hand up warding her off and Maggie seems to understand the gesture, stopping in her tracks and hesitating only a moment before she turns back.  From the cellblock side of the fences Beth can just make out Glenn heading toward Maggie and Maggie catching him before he continues on towards the fields.

 

Eventually Rick starts to quiet and Beth pulls his arms from around her gently and directs him to sit against the side of the shed.  She fills a cup of water from the canteen and hands it to him before sitting beside him, their shoulders leaned together, backs against the shed.  Rick’s put the bullet back in his pocket and he drinks half the water before using the rest to splash his face with his hands.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says hoarsely, gesturing vaguely toward her, his eyes fastened to the ground in front of him

 

Beth shakes her head and opens her mouth to speak but pauses.  “Don’t be,” she says finally.  “It’s gotta come out some way.  Cryin’ doesn’t hurt anything.”  She sits cross-legged and nudges a few pea-sized pebbles around on the ground in front of her.  She feels it when Rick looks over at her.  “You don’t have to be a certain way right now.  It’s not everybody countin’ on you anymore.  Carl and Judy, they’re all you gotta worry about.”

 

He grimaces and swipes at his face again but Beth turns towards him and tugs on his arm until he looks at her.  “It’s okay,” she says firmly.  “It’s gonna be okay.”

 

Rick stares out ahead at the fields, the pigs all flopped out in their mud bath in a corner of the pen napping.  He blinks slowly and nods.  “Okay,” he murmurs, voice still rough and broken.  He reaches over, loops his arm around both her bent legs and lets it rest there in a loose embrace.  She leans her temple against his shoulder, and his body feels slack next to her, momentarily drained of tension.

 

_____

  
  


Beth sits at one of the tables in the common room off the cellblocks later that week, Judith sitting up on the table in front of her as Beth holds her steady.  Thunder rumbles outside and she hears it the moment the sky opens up and a sudden downpour falls, first the rain and then the yells from everyone outside as they run for cover.

 

“Hear the rain Judy?”

 

Judith yells in reply and Beth smiles, tipping her gently back and forth like a metronome, and starts singing “Singin’ In the Rain,” as Carl bursts in.

 

“Beth did you hear the thunder?” he asks breathlessly.  “Lightning struck one of the trees right by the fences, it was so cool!”

 

“Is everybody okay?”

 

“Everything’s fine, nobody was in the woods,” Rick answers as he comes in too, his clothes just as soaked as Carl’s.

 

“You should go change, you’ll get colds,” Beth admonishes them, even though Carl’s already headed into the cellblock next door.  Beth eyes Rick and raises an eyebrow.

 

“I’ll go, you don’t gotta make a face,” he says with a smile, coming over to stand behind her at the table.  He leans down and peeks at Judy from behind her, making the baby giggle.  “How’re my girls?”

 

“We’re just fine,” Beth says.  “She’s happy today,” she adds, smiling at the baby’s delighted squeals.  Beth cranes her neck to see Rick making faces and laughs before wincing at the position of her neck and trying to roll out the kink in her muscles.  

 

“Alright?” Rick asks.

 

“I slept wrong, my neck’s all stiff,” Beth answers.  She swallows, closing her eyes briefly at the rattle of awareness in her middle when Rick places his hands on her shoulders and squeezes all along the muscles up to the sides of her neck.  He finds a knot at one side of the base of her neck and presses with his fingertips, digging in slowly until Beth lets out a breathy little sound through parted lips.

 

“Good?” he asks.

 

“Mmhmm.”  

 

She hears his answering hum of a laugh and feels a flush spread over her cheeks.  His fingers tighten and press a little harder, rubbing firmly in little circles and waking up goosebumps all over her scalp until she bites her lip rather than make any noise again.  Judith is quiet, happily gnawing on her fist, and Beth closes her eyes and tilts her head, stretching carefully as Rick continues.  He moves so he can press with the pads of his thumbs more gently, his palms solid and warm against the tops of her shoulders through her shirt, before easing off.  He leans down again, hands resting lightly on her now, and makes a “psst” sound at Judith as he peeks at her again.  Judith laughs and reaches for him, shrieking happily when he ducks out of the way again.  

 

“Is your daddy bein’ silly Judy?” Beth says, wiggling the little girl and laughing along with her.

 

“Yes he is,” Rick laughs as he steps away and heads through the doorway into the cellblock.  Beth grins at Judith and starts the song again.

 

The rain continues in in scattered bursts all through the rest of the day and into the night.  Thunder and lightning thrash through the quiet darkness of the cell blocks during the evening and the noise and heavy energy that seems to hang in the air keep Judith awake.  Beth walks and sings to her after dinner until Rick comes and gets her, promising to let Beth know when he needs a break.  

 

When Beth has finished with the pile of clothes needing repair for the night - finagling some leather cording through the tiny eyelets of Sasha’s boots to replace the broken laces, sewing a new zipper into Dave’s jacket, closing tears and replacing buttons on a whole pile of shirts and pants; she’s going to need to ask for someone to share the work with her, especially with the addition of a dad and two young daughters who had arrived last week - she stretches out on her bunk to write.  She’s filled three pages in her diary by the time she realizes what time it is, and that she hasn’t heard Rick coming back to his cell with Judith.  It’s quiet on the cell block, and hers is one of the last lights left on when she pokes her head out and looks around.  The rain has paused briefly like it’s been doing here and there all day, but there’s still that weight in the silence, the faraway churning of dark clouds against the black sky outside the windows that keeps the air from being completely calm.

 

Rick’s cell is silent and dark when Beth peeks in, and she pauses for a moment, thinking where he might have gone.  She goes back to her cell and gets Sasha's boots, setting them outside the door of Sasha’s cell on her way by as she heads toward the maze of hallways that will take her to the library.

 

She hears Rick’s voice as she approaches, a low smooth cadence that doesn’t sound like he’s just talking to Judith to calm her or keep himself awake.  She lets the doors fall closed behind her, calling out softly, “it’s me,” when she hears the creak of the sofa’s springs.  Rick’s voice continues and when she comes around the set of shelves that stand between the doors and the sofa she sees him slouched at one end, one foot propped on the pile of empty milk crates acting as low table, Judith belly-down with her cheek against his chest and one hand fisted around his collar.  Two camp lanterns are lit and by their light he holds up one of the faded and dog-eared paperbacks from the library’s collection and reads aloud.  

 

He cranes his neck to look up at Beth as she comes closer, smiling when she crouches next to the arm of the sofa to peek at Judith’s face.  The baby is dozing lightly, obviously only quieted by the steady soothing tone of Rick’s voice as he continues to read.  Beth glances at the cover of the book - To Kill A Mockingbird - when she gets up and skirts around the other end of the sofa, settling down gingerly next to Rick and pulling her knees up to her chest.  

 

“You were supposed to come get me for a break,” she whispers when he pauses at the end of a sentence.  

 

“She’s alright.” he answers.  He pauses, lets silence settle around them, and holds Beth’s gaze with a half smile.  He’s marked his place in the book with a finger and holds his other hand up as if motioning for quiet even though they’re the only people in the room.  As if on cue, Judith starts squirming and lets out a weak whimper.  Rick nods and opens the book again.  “What about you?  Can’t sleep?” he asks as he finds his place again.

 

“Hadn’t tried yet,” Beth answers.  She clasps her hands around her shins and rests her cheek on her knee, head turned to watch the steady rise and fall of Judith’s back with her breathing and the slow kneading motion of her fingers around the fabric of Rick’s shirt.

 

Rick finishes another sentence and his eyes flick over to her.  “Should I go back to the beginning?”

 

Beth smiles.  “No, I’ve read it.  Was one of my favorites in school.”

 

“Mine too.”

 

He goes back to reading, reaching out without looking up to rest his hand over Beth’s boot braced against the seat of the sofa.  Beth closes her eyes and listens to his voice, the smooth deep tone of it topped with a gravelly rasp touching off a warm sensation of awareness at the back of her skull that quickly spreads, gentle and overwhelming both at once.

 

She unclasps her hands and reaches down to pick up his hand from where it rests over her foot and slowly draw his arm up and around her shoulders.  She scoots closer carefully, fits herself against his side with her cheek on his shoulder, and tucks her arms around her middle when he gives her hand a squeeze before releasing it.  He keeps reading; maybe there was a catch in his voice when she’d moved but she wasn’t aware of it, and tugs her somehow closer, tighter into his body, and clasps his hand firmly around her arm.  

 

“Gonna have a sore neck again,” he chides softly when he’s finished the chapter.

 

“Well I’ve got a masseuse, I’m not worried about it,” she says, tucking her chin down a little more and smiling.  

 

Rick’s hand moves from her arm up to her shoulder and squeezes, fingertips pressing into the stretch of her muscle and Beth hums in reply.  Judith stirs at the quiet like she had before, but this time she just turns her head and settles back down.  Rick’s mouth presses to the top of Beth's head, he inhales against her hair, and she clenches her fists and makes herself take a slow deep breath in and out.

 

“She’s asleep,” Beth whispers, not daring to move.  

 

Rick slowly sets the book down on the arm of the sofa and tilts his head to rest on the back.  He shifts until he’s comfortable, slouched down with his arms in a loose embrace around both Judith and Beth, and closes his eyes.  It’s quiet, just the sound of the gentle patter of rainfall against the windows and Judith’s little huffs of breath through her nose.  They stay there long enough that Rick starts to doze off, waking up when a clap of thunder cracks through the quiet peace of the library.  Beth startles too, sitting up with a sharp inhalation.  Judith is still out like a light and Rick pulls his arm from around Beth to hold the baby carefully as he sits up.

 

“Should get to bed, it’s late,” he murmurs, blinking to try to clear his bleary eyes.

 

Beth yawns and nods and he leans over and kisses her temple before dragging himself and Judith up from the sofa and holding the door open until Beth leaves ahead of him to go back to the cellblock.

 

“G’night,” he whispers when they reach her cell.  Beth runs her fingertips lightly over Judith’s wispy hair and smiles softly.  She glances up at Rick, him smiling down at her too, and breathes out a little sigh before looking back to the baby.

 

“‘Night.”

 

Hours later Beth startles awake, sitting up in her bunk and squinting into the muddy half-light of her cell to see where the noise was coming from that had woken her.

 

“It’s me sweetheart, it’s me,” Rick whispers, coming over to kneel next to her bunk.  

 

He’s carried in Judith in her crib and set it up across from the bunk.  Beth lets out a breath in relief.  “What time is it?”

 

“Just after five, early start today.  We lost time with the rain yesterday too, gotta make up for it.”

 

“I know, I set my alarm-”

 

Rick holds up her little alarm clock, the hands stilled on the clockface at three hours earlier and Beth sighs, flopping back on the bunk.  He laughs under his breath.  

 

“I think we’ve got more batteries, I’ll find you some.”

 

“Does she need anything?” Beth asks, nodding to Judith.

 

“No, no she never even woke up, probably won’t for another hour at least.”

 

Beth nods and yawns, trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes and starting to pull back the blankets but Rick stops her with a hand over hers.

 

“Stay,” he murmurs, “go back to sleep.”

 

Beth lays back down and curls on her side and Rick pulls the blanket back over her.  He pauses, hand resting on her shoulder over the blankets and smiles softly at her.  Beth smiles back a little blearily and reaches out, setting her hand just below the collar of his shirt and scratching lightly at his collarbone through the material.

 

Beth yawns again.  “See you at lunch?” she asks, eyes already slipping closed again.

 

“Yeah.”  He smiles again and pushes to his feet, letting his hand trail down her arm to her hip and giving it a pat before crossing her cell and pulling the door closed as quietly as he can behind him.

_____

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It figures I would get to THIS part the same week as the premiere ;) I may or may not be able to update next week and the week after since I'll be on vacation, but I will do my best to have the next chapter ready to post next week!
> 
> Beth's full name is a headcanon I got from Schwoozie, whose fics every Beth/Daryl shipper should be reading.
> 
> The song featured in this chapter is Blue Bayou by Linda Ronstadt.

It’s a cloudless sunny morning when Michonne heads back out to keep tracking the Governor at the same time that Daryl, Glenn, and Maggie are leaving on a supply run.  Maggie, Hershel, and Beth all exchange goodbyes at the gates before Beth goes inside again.  Carol has Judith for the morning and there aren’t any clothes waiting for repair so Beth finds herself wandering to the library.  She curls up on the sofa where she’d sat with Rick and Judith a few nights before and picks up the copy of To Kill A Mockingbird from the arm where he’d left it.  Instead of reading she tips her head against the back of the sofa and stares up at the ceiling.  She lets herself sink into the memory of being tucked against Rick's side with Judith sleeping peacefully on his shoulder, the warmth and security of all of it washing over her and making her chest thrum with energy.

 

She’s just sitting back up and shaking her head a little to clear it when Molly pushes through the doors, calling Beth’s name and asking where to find the chalk the kids are allowed to play with outside.  When Beth gets up Karen’s right behind Molly with Danae, a toddler girl from Woodbury, perched on her hip.  

 

“We couldn’t find it in the store room, do you know where it might have ended up?”

 

“Did you check the shed by tower two?  I think it’s in there.  Do you need me to come out?”

 

“Nah, Patrick’s out there with me, you enjoy your morning off.”

 

Beth settles back down and picks up the book again, this time opening it to read.  She loses track of time in the familiar story, the incongruity of reading it again as she had in her first year of high school hitting her hard.  She gives up at the end of the first chapter, puts the book back down, and wanders back out of the library.  She pokes around her cell for a few minutes before giving up and going outside.  It’s still sunny and breezy, and quiet with the activity of breakfast finished and everyone off working for the day.  The kids are playing hopscotch and tic tac toe with their chalk, the fence is well-manned, and when her eyes scan across the fields she sees her dad out working with Rick and Carl and her feet start that way automatically.

 

“Hey,” she greets them when she gets down to where they’re working, shielding her eyes from the sun with one hand.  “Whatcha workin’ on?”

 

“Trellises for the tomato plants,” Hershel answers, motioning to the long narrow lengths of wood he and Carl are lashing together into an A-frame.

 

“Can I help?”

 

“It’s your morning off isn’t it?” Rick asks, looking up from his own pieces that he’s trying to lash without a second set of hands to hold them in place.

 

Beth shrugs.  “I’m bored.”  Rick and Hershel both chuckle and Rick motions her over.  He hands her the wood pieces to hold upright and starts looping the length of rope around them to tie a knot.

 

“I’m just the kickstand huh?” she asks.  

 

“But a very pretty one,” he says teasingly, his head tilted and his voice low.  Beth laughs, her nose wrinkled when she squints up at him through the sun.  “You wanna learn the knots?” he adds.

 

“Yeah, you be the kickstand.”

 

Rick laughs and shakes his head, “Alright, this is a timber hitch.  You wrap it around like this, then under and over, through the loop, and you keep this tucked in when you pull the free end tight.  Got it?”

 

Beth nods and Rick unties the knot so they can switch, him holding the lengths of wood in place while Beth carefully works the rope into the knot he’d shown her.  “That it?”  she asks when she’s finished, before tugging on the free end to take out the slack.

 

“Yeah, except,” Rick takes the free end from her and gives it a rough yank, tightening the knot down and locking the lengths of wood together with a snap.  Beth jumps a little and he grins at her as he hands the rope back so she can lash it around the the joint to strengthen it.

 

“Showoff,” she mumbles.  Rick laughs and Beth rolls her eyes at him around a pursed-lipped smile and concentrates on looping the rope tightly.

 

“Okay that’s good, now another knot just like the last one.”

 

“And then you fix it when I’m done?” Beth teases, focusing on repeating the knot she’d made before.  She glances over at Hershel and Carl’s progress when Rick takes the rope and when the wood pieces shift under his grip as he tightens her knot Beth’s thumb gets caught and pinched.  She yanks her hand back and yelps, “Shit shit _shit_!” jumping from foot to foot for a moment.

 

“Bethany Ann-” Hershel starts.

 

“Daddy I got my finger caught!” Beth interrupts with big pleading eyes, showing him the blood blister forming on the pad of her thumb.

 

Hershel squints at it for a moment.  “Alright, we’ll have to amputate.  Carl, you go get a rag, Rick, you hold her arm.”

 

Rick and Carl both burst out laughing and Hershel chuckles too as Beth pointedly shakes out her hand and looks back to Rick.  He raises his eyebrows, still smiling, and offers her the rope for the next two pieces of wood.  

 

“You gonna be able to manage with your injury?” he asks, pausing for a moment before adding, “Bethany?”

 

“Don’t you start,” she laughs, holding a finger up in warning.  Rick shrugs innocently.

 

By the time they finish the rest of the uprights for the trellises the sun is directly overhead and there’s a growing crowd around the outdoor grill so they leave the rest for later and head up for lunch.  Afterwards Beth goes inside to get Judith up from her nap and keeps her close for the rest of the afternoon.  Glenn, Maggie and Daryl are nowhere to be found when everyone piles into the common area off cellblock C for dinner.  Beth picks at her plate of food with one hand and bounces Judith on her knee until Rick has finished eating and comes to pick her up.  As the common area empties out Beth slips into her cell and sits at her desk distractedly doodling in her notebook while the sun slips lower and lower in the sky.  She looks up and smiles when she hears Tyreese start singing from upstairs:

 

“I feel so bad I got a worried mind, I'm so lonesome all the time, since I left my baby behind, on Blue Bayou…”

 

Beth puts down her notebook, hums along with the last few words, and picks up the bridge when Tyreese finishes:

 

“Saving nickles, saving dimes, working 'til the sun don't shine, looking forward to happier times, on Blue Bayou…”

 

They sing the first chorus together, Beth on the melody and Tyreese picking out a simple harmony.  She hears him moving, coming down the stairs as she gets up and when she leans in the doorway of her cell she sees him holding Karen’s hands and dancing.  As Beth takes the next verse a few of the ladies from Woodbury and some of the newer additions, Ryan and his daughters Lizzie and Mika, crowd into the doorway between the cell blocks to listen.  Tyreese finishes the second bridge and spins Karen out under his arm and then he and Beth start on the last chorus.  He falters when Sasha shoulder checks him playfully on her way by at the bottom of the stairs.  She goes to sit at the table set up across from the cells where the coffee maker sits and starts shuffling the deck of cards she’s brought down with her, and after a minute Carl appears from his cell and sits across from her.  Hershel comes out of his cell too, carrying his lit camp lantern, and sets it in the center of the table before sitting down between Carl and Sasha with his back to the cell doors to share the light and read.

 

Beth takes the last verse as Rick comes out of his cell, Judith snuggled against his shoulder after her last bottle and he leans against the doorway, kicking one foot to cross over the other and and patting the baby’s back in time.  Tyreese comes over and joins back in as Beth finishes the last few lines:

 

“Oh, that boy of mine by my side, the silver moon and the evening tide, oh, some sweet day, gonna take away this hurting inside, well I'll never be blue, my dreams come true, on Blue Bayou…”

 

Judith burps, loud and perfectly timed in the quiet that follows the last line and everyone laughs along with the smattering of applause.  Tyreese holds his arms out and wraps Beth up in a bear hug and she laughs, her toes just brushing the floor when he straightens up for a moment before releasing her.  They fist bump before he goes over and gives Sasha’s shoulder a squeeze on his way out for his shift on watch.  Beth comes over and leans over to rest her elbows on the table next to Hershel.  She rests her head on Hershel’s shoulder when he reaches over to pat her back without looking up from his book.  

 

“How are the lessons coming?” Beth asks Sasha.

 

“He’s getting the strategy, but his poker face still sucks,” Sasha answers, raising her eyebrows at Carl.  Carl kicks her under the table and she kicks back before glancing towards Rick over Beth’s shoulder, then back to her cards with a knowing laugh and a little shake of her head.  “Don’t worry it’s already better than your dad’s,” she adds.

 

Beth glances behind her at Rick and sees him turning back into his cell as he clears his throat.  “Night everybody,” he calls over his shoulder.

 

Sasha laughs and glances at Beth before looking back to her hand.  “Goodnight,” she calls back.

 

Beth goes to her own cell not much later and slowly writes out stilted sentences in her journal pulled from the foggy mess of thoughts in her head.  She gives up after filling half a page and starts to pace back and forth, mentally counting the hours since Maggie, Glenn, and Daryl had left that morning against the miles on the map between the prison and the destination she’d overheard them talking about.  It doesn’t add up, no matter how she tries to explain it to herself.  They should have been back for dinner, or just after.   _If they’re not back before noon tomorrow, then you can worry_ , she tells herself.

 

“Beth?”  There’s a soft knock on the bars and then Rick pushes the door open slightly and pokes his head in.  “You alright?”

 

Beth stops and sits heavily down on her bunk before she answers, “They shoulda been back by now.”

 

“It’s just a longer run, there’s no reason-”

 

“It’s ten miles.  They should’ve been back before sundown.”

 

Rick comes all the way into Beth’s cell and sits on the bunk beside her, leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs and then fold and refold his hands.  He’s silent for a moment, staring ahead at the wall above her desk.

 

“I don’t recall anybody sayin’ how far out they planned to go,” he says quietly.

 

“That high school?  I heard Glenn and Daryl talking about it.  They left the maps out in the library.”  Beth keeps her voice low, aware of the cellblock beyond.  She doesn’t check her alarm clock to see how late it’s gotten but she realizes the voices and lights had all gone out at some point leaving only darkness and quiet except for her desk lamp and the tap of her boots on the floor with her steps.

 

Rick sighs and nods to himself resignedly.  “Yeah I saw ‘em too.  You’re right, they shoulda been back.  You talk to your dad about it?”

 

She shakes her head, her face suddenly contorting to hold in tears.  She swallows thickly.  “No.  He doesn’t need me cryin’ all over him.  Nothin’ we can do but wait anyway.”

 

Rick nods again and tilts his head to watch her.  When he sees her expression he curls an arm around her and pulls her in close to peck the crown of her head.  Beth tucks in against his neck and lets out a watery sigh.

 

“Well now I’m just gonna cry all over you.”

 

Rick huffs out a kind laugh.  “‘S alright.  Cryin’ doesn’t hurt anything, right?”

 

Beth laughs but it’s weak as they both shift so she can bury her face in his shoulder and he wraps both arms around her back.  She fists a hand in his shirt at his collar.

 

“They’ll get back,” he murmurs, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly.  “Maggie’s strong, she’s a good fighter.  They’ll all get back.”

 

Beth pushes away, wipes at her face with her sleeve, and looks up at him.  

 

“I just hate not knowin’,” she whispers.  “I wish there was something I could do, I know something’s gone wrong and I can’t do anything-”

 

“I know, I know, honey.  Come ‘ere.”  

 

He pulls her close again and kisses her forehead and she nods, sniffling.  Her hand on his shirt is still clenched and tugging, and when she realizes it she lays her palm flat there, smoothing ineffectually at the wrinkles until he puts a hand over hers to still it.  He presses another kiss to her temple, then two across her cheekbone.  She looks up at him, finally meeting his eyes again.  They’re clear and dark even in the low light of the cell, and as she looks up at him her fear and worry seem to turn over, shifting into a fizzing tension in her gut.

 

Beth leans up and kisses Rick’s cheek just off the corner of his mouth, and then barely moves away, just lets her gaze fall to his mouth; the slightly sunburnt pink curve of his lips and the silver mixed in with the dark brown bristly hairs of his beard around his mouth.  He’d let it grow in thicker lately and it made his face look a little more filled out and obscured the strong cut of his jaw and the slight hollowing of his cheeks.  She can feel him breathing, feel the thump of his heart, and she’s thinking how strong it feels against her palm when he kisses her mouth.  

 

It’s brief and light, a soft catch of his lower lip at her upper one as his lips close softly against hers.  She follows instinctually when he pulls away, slipping her hand from under his and reaching up to cup his jaw and pull him in again.  He lets out a broken surprised hum and the soft breathy sound she answers with ignites something between them and then his hand is in her hair, spanning and cradling the back of her head.  She slides the tip of her tongue along his upper lip and he jolts back.  They stare at each other for a moment, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.  Rick’s eyes flick down to her lips when she licks them and he blinks and quickly looks away.

 

“It’s okay,” Beth murmurs, pulling away and swiping a finger just under her lower lip.

 

Rick shifts woodenly to face forward again and rubs his palms up and down his thighs nervously.  They sit in silence for a few beats.  “I have to, uh-”

 

Beth nods, her voice just barely shaking when she answers, “Okay.”

 

He gets up and leaves her cell without a backwards glance, and Beth curls on her side facing the cinder block wall, not bothering to pull off her boots or get under the covers.  She closes her eyes and wills sleep to come to her, and it does.

 

Beth wakes up later to voices echoing in the cellblock and she pushes herself up from her bunk and stumbles out, right into Carol.

 

“I was just coming to get you, they’re back, they’re all okay, come on.”

 

Beth follows Carol, suddenly alert even as she wipes at her sleep-swollen eyes.  When they step outside into the cold gray light of dawn she sees the group of them out by the guard tower at the front gates and breaks into a run, leaving Carol behind and not stopping until she barrels into her sister and Maggie hugs her back tightly.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“We’re fine, we’re all fine,” Maggie answers, smiling.  She shifts her rifle from one hand to the other and squeezes Beth’s hand before letting go.  Beth wraps her arms around Glenn’s shoulders too and smiles at his whispered, “hey, little sister.”  She even hugs Daryl, which she faintly registers as making everyone laugh except Daryl himself, though he does shift the crossbow out of the way for her.

 

“Alright, alright,” he mutters, and Beth grins at him when he peels one of her hands off his shoulder and gives it a squeeze he thinks no one will notice before dropping it.  “We was in the woods for most of it, not like it was a big deal.”

 

“You were gone all night,” Carol says, having joined the group.  “What happened?”

 

“Radiator dropped on the car when we’d just turned back so we packed up and started walkin’.  Had to change our route back to get around a herd and found a cabin ‘bout three miles out, waited out the herd and then it was gettin’ dark so we stayed there til first light." Daryl nods at Rick and adds, "came up on this dummy wanderin’ around on our way back.”

 

“You went out?”  Beth asks Rick.

 

“At first light,” Carol confirms.

 

Rick shrugs.  “Seemed like a good time to check the snares.”

 

“Two miles out?” Maggie ribs, elbowing Rick until he shrugs it off.  There’s another round of soft laughter and Maggie wraps an arm around Beth’s shoulders again.  Beth keeps her eyes on Rick and he looks back at her briefly before scrubbing a hand against the back of his neck.  

 

“Carol, go ahead in with them, I’ll take over watch,” he says.  

 

Daryl squeezes Rick’s shoulder as he walks by and Rick returns the gesture, nodding to Glenn as well.  Beth gently lets go of Maggie and tells her that she’ll be in soon.  Rick’s already at the door to the watch tower, and Beth waits until Maggie, Glenn, Daryl, and Carol are all headed back before she follows him.  She catches the door just before it closes behind him and slips inside.  Rick pauses on the first step when he hears it.  It’s dark inside but Beth can just make out the downward tilt of of his head.

 

Beth leans back against the door, her hands trapped behind her.  Rick steps back down and turns to face her.  They watch each other for a moment, each of them squinting a little as their eyes adjust.  Beth pushes off the door and walks over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and stepping in close to tuck her cheek against his chest.

 

“Thank you for goin’ out,” she says softly.

 

“They woulda got back just fine.”

 

“We didn’t know that.  Last night-”

 

Rick inhales, his hands on her back fidgeting.  Beth leans back to look up at him and slides her palms up his chest, tugging him in by his shirt.  He purses his lips but his hands settle heavily on the small of her back, fingers curling in and pulling her closer.  Beth lets go of his shirt and slides her hands up into his hair, cradling the back of his head and bringing him down so their foreheads rest together.  He tilts his head back and forth slightly, a slow motion head shake, but he holds her close and after a moment he’s letting go only to cup her jaw in his hands.  She holds onto his wrists and steadies herself with his touch as he lifts his head again.

 

“Keep thinkin’ about you,” he says softly.  “All the time, lately.”

 

“Me too,” she breathes, eyes falling from his to his lips as she pulls him in again and echoes, “all the time.”

 

“What are you lookin’ for, sweetheart?” he asks, mouth just brushing hers with his words before he shifts away just slightly.  Beth lifts her shoulders in a helpless shrug.  

 

“Somethin’ good?” she murmurs.  

 

She licks her lips and before she can say anything else he’s kissing her, soft and slow and searching.  This time he doesn’t jolt away when she slides her tongue along his lip; he opens up for her, lets her lick into his mouth and takes in the soft taste of her hungrily.  She lets out a moan when his tongue slides along hers and he breaks the kiss.

 

“Shhh,” he whispers, staring down at her reddened lips and hooded eyes.  

 

He lowers his head and presses his mouth to her cheek.  It's hardly more than the rough scratch of his beard on her face, but then he noses at her jaw line until she tilts her head for him to kiss her neck.  Not a chaste press of closed lips but an open wet spread of his mouth over her skin, and there the scrape of his beard is electric, burning rough in contrast to an obscene swirl of his tongue on her pulse.  He makes a little sound, interest or approval or something that keeps him moving deliberately, sweeping her hair away to get at the skin below her ear where just the flush of his breath makes her hips cant toward his.  Her breathing is harsh and fast when he presses a last slow kiss to her throat and wraps his arms around her waist again.  She rests her cheek against his shoulder, suddenly unbalanced within herself and hyper-aware of how she’s pressed against him.  

 

He lets her go after a few moments, gently pulls away and side-steps from between her and the wall, watching her carefully as he backs toward the stairs.  Beth reaches up and runs the backs of her fingers over her neck where his mouth had been.  Rick ducks his head, kicks at the ground with one foot and then looks back up in time to see the door closing behind her.

 

Beth walks back toward the cellblock quickly, head down, hands flexing at her sides.  Her mind is racing, but the cool morning air is almost oppressively quiet and calm.  She thinks about looking back toward the guard tower but she keeps going, eyes on the ground, feet moving one step in front of the other in an even steady rhythm.

 

It’s quiet in the cellblock when she gets there, everyone moving slowly as they fall into their bunks after the run or start their days, unable to get back to sleep.  The next cellblock over is still mostly quiet.  Beth finds Judith sleeping soundly in her crib in Hershel’s cell where Rick must have taken her before heading out earlier that morning.  Both of them are snoring softly, and Beth stands in the doorway for a moment watching them.  When she turns to head back to her cell she glances up at the perch and sees Daryl leaning against the railing surveying the cellblock.  She catches his eye and he nods to her in that steady silent way he has, reassuring and unsettling both at once.  Beth acknowledges him back with a small nod before turning away.  

 

She dozes for another half hour before Judith’s waking gurgles start bouncing off the walls.  Beth rolls out of bed again, groggy and even more disoriented than she had been when Carol woke her up before.

 

_Maybe the whole night was a dream_ , she thinks as she stirs up a mug of stale instant coffee.  Maggie and Glenn’s cell is quiet but she knows they’re there, and Daryl’s miraculously laying down in his spot upstairs, though who knows how much he ever sleeps.  He has a cell but he’s still mostly up on the perch, sleeping with one eye open to see everything’s as it should be.

 

“I can take her for the morning,” Carol offers, joining Beth to lean against the table. Beth glances over at her and takes a moment to breathe in the smell of her coffee before she shakes her head.  

 

“You were on watch last night.  Besides it’s not your morning.”

 

Carol nods.  “Let me know if you change your mind then, we should have a quiet day.”  She wraps an arm around Beth’s shoulders briefly, squeezing Beth’s arm before releasing her and heading outside with her own mug.  Beth gulps her coffee down quickly and goes to get Judith who’s working up to a whimper.  Hershel’s sitting up in his bunk, gently jiggling the corner of Judith’s crib with one of his crutches to distract her.

 

“There she is, Judy,” he soothes when Beth comes in.

 

“Sorry Daddy.”

 

“We’re doin’ just fine, aren’t we little lady?”

 

“Weren’t you?  Weren’t you just fine with Papa Hershel?” Beth bounces Judith gently and then lays her back down to get her diaper changed.

 

“Rick told me this morning about going out to look for them.  You know you coulda come to me if you were worried.”

 

“I wasn’t.”  Hershel sits in silence, watching Beth redress the baby and heft her back up to settle on her hip.  She fusses over Judith’s clothes a little and then looks at him again.  “It turned out alright.  Worryin’ wouldn’t’ve done any good anyway.”

 

“S’pose you’re right about that.”

 

“You ready for some fresh air?”

 

“Got to get out there and make sure Rick doesn’t plant the soybeans upside down.”

 

Beth shakes her head and laughs half-heartedly as he struggles to stand from his bunk.  She holds her free hand out as he gets his crutches righted at his sides.  Judith gurgles between them and grabs a handful of Hershel’s beard as soon as she can reach it.  Beth laughs and gently pries open the little girl’s fist.  She pats Hershel’s shoulder as he hobbles out of the cell and when he’s gone she sits down on the bunk and tips her forehead against Judith’s, closing her eyes for a long moment.  Judith reaches up and grabs Beth’s hair, yanking until she falls forward and smears drool all over Beth’s cheek.  Beth wipes it away with a sigh, picks herself and Judith up from the bunk and heads out to the cellblock to get a bottle ready.

 

Beth goes through the rest of her day on autopilot, feeling blurry and numb from the stress and lack of sleep from the previous night.  A replay of the moments with Rick continues the whole time and she finds herself licking her lips, trying to remember in detail exactly how he tastes.  

 

When she thinks about it now that she’s out of the moment, measuring how different things really are, kissing him feels like it’s barely tipped the scales.  Those months on the road between the farm and the prison when he had held her shoulders or hips to help her line up her shooting stance during a lesson, patted her back or kissed her temple in reassurance when her hands shook with adrenaline after a close call; those were the same ways he touched almost everyone within his arms’ reach.  After spending the first months after Lori died barely even looking at Beth whenever she had Judith in her arms things had begun changing when he stopped going on runs.  Once all the stores of his energy were directed to working and farming and being rather than fighting and running and killing he warmed up again and the return of his tactile nature had felt like just that at first; a return to how he’d been before.  The last few weeks things had been different between them; softer and closer and she’d welcomed it like water after the burns of his avoidance.

 

It all washes over her mind continually along with the taste of his tongue, the full press of his chest against hers, the grip of his hands on her - until dinner when Carl takes Judith and Beth grabs the last seat at one of the smaller tables with Maggie, Sasha, Tyreese, and Karen.

 

“You alright?” Maggie asks, eyeing her, and Beth nods and shrugs it off as best she can.

 

“Didn’t get much sleep last night, until you got back.”

 

“You and Tyreese should have a support group, ‘Worry Warts Anonymous,” Sasha ribs.

 

“Hey hey hey, we prefer to be known as the loving sensitive types and there’s nothing wrong with that,” Tyreese answers, nudging Beth gently with his elbow.  Beth smiles, and Karen laughs at the wounded look he throws Sasha.

 

Beth finds herself not hungry, but it’s habit now to eat when there’s food, so she downs the rabbit, greens, and rice on her plate quickly.  Carl is passing Judith off to Rick when Beth walks by after clearing her place and she makes eye contact with Rick for a moment but she’s not sure what to do.  He only nods slightly so she leaves it be and heads back to her cell to change before crawling into her bunk.  It’s barely past sundown but she’s still dazed and overloaded.

 

She lays there for a long time, listening to the cellblock fill up and the louder echoes of the next block over with the kids all going through their bedtime routines.  Rick and Daryl are talking about something, the deep rumbles of their voices resonating below all the higher-pitched creaks and whispers of bunks and cell doors.  Judith squawks and Daryl says something to her, then his boots thunk softly on the concrete floor as he walks past Beth’s cell and his hands trailing up the metal banisters on the stairs make a low metallic shush.  Carol’s voice sounds, then Daryl’s, then Carol’s snort of laughter and she comes down the stairs.  

 

Rick must be near Beth’s doorway because next Beth clearly hears Carol saying, “you’re staying put, right? I’d like a nice quiet shift on watch tonight if you don’t mind.”

 

“I’ll be here,” he answers, then his boots sound softly as he walks away.

 

There’s more in his voice than just this night, or at least Beth imagines she can hear it there.  She thinks about the weight of his hands on her back when they’d stood pressed together in the guard tower and how his fingertips had dug in and stamped fire and want into her skin.  She thinks about the thing inside him, the thing that spilled warm human blood in defense of his family, sitting back like a wolf caged behind the strong bars of their now-bedrooms.

 

Judith whimpers and gurgles from Rick’s cell and Beth realizes she’s all tensed up, holding her breath and wringing the sheet in her hands.  She closes her eyes and forces herself to relax and try to sleep.  Falling asleep quickly was something they’d all had to learn now that rest wasn’t guaranteed any more than food so Beth concentrates on tensing and releasing every muscle from her toes up until she’s sinking deep and heavy into sleep.  She dreams that she’s sleeping in her bed at home on the farm with Judith tucked alongside her.  In the dream she wakes up, sits up carefully and arranges the pillows around the still-sleeping baby so she can’t roll off the bed.  She’s thirsty, her lips cracking and her throat burning, but when she goes to get out of bed her feet dangle several feet off the floor, and when she tries to climb down the distance just grows more and more.  She hangs there, fingers scrabbling at the sheets until she loses grip and falls.

  
Beth wakes up with a jolt, gasping and sweaty, and as she tries to calm herself to sleep again her drowsy mind imagines she can still feel the press of Rick’s hands on her waist, the tickle of his breath on her chin.  She thinks about the weight of his arm around her and the deep rasp of his voice reading familiar words in the dark of the library.  She thinks of how tightly he'd held her when she got back from the run with Daryl and Glenn and when he'd clung to her and buried his sobs against her shoulder out in the fields, the same place he'd teased her the day before and his easy grin had felt like a secret.  When she closes her eyes there are Rick’s, dazed under the sweep of his lashes as he’d leaned in close to kiss her.

 

_____


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the rating change for this chapter forward ;)

Beth had made it a habit to bring Judith out to the fields for a while some mornings as the weather got nicer and she hesitates only slightly the next day before going out as usual.  It’s mildly cool and the air is thick and wet with fog as Beth walks with Judith around the fields, not too close to the fences where there are a few walkers straggling.  Carl’s feeding the pigs and Rick is pruning back some of the cucumber plants while Hershel is inside for a Council meeting.  

 

Beth pauses and squats down to pick one from a little patch of wildflowers and holds it up for Judith to see, pulling it away when the baby leans toward it with an open mouth dripping drool.  Beth laughs, “no sweetie you can’t eat it,” and tickles the baby’s cheek with it.  She glances up and sees Rick watching her.  He smiles warmly and holds her gaze for a moment, then winks at her and she smiles back.  She pushes a little awkwardly to her feet and turns to keep walking with Judith on her hip, working on suppressing the nervous smile on her face.  Suddenly a man’s voice starts shouting from nearer the prison.  Rick’s off like a shot in moments, yelling over his shoulder at Carl and Beth to stay put.  Beth’s half-following Rick, walking toward the noise until she gets to the pig pen where Carl restlessly shifts the feed bucket in his hands as they watch Rick sprint up the path to the inner fences.

 

“You stupid fucking bitch!” Jackson screams, rounding on Maggie as she backs up from him.  James backs up from his brother as well, holding his hands up as he watches the two from several feet away.

 

“The radiator fell out of the damn thing while we were out on a run, it’s not like we crashed it!” Maggie yells back.

 

Rick yells Maggie’s name as he comes through the gate.

 

“Oh great, it’s Farmer First Degree Assault, great, hi buddy, how are ya? Gonna choke me again with more witnesses?”  James laughs nervously under his breath.

 

Rick squints at Jackson as he approaches slowly now, coming to Maggie’s side and looking to her for an explanation.

 

“We used his car for the run the other day-”

 

“It’s a fucking Dodge Charger, okay, do you know how much that car cost?”

 

“It nearly cost the three of us our necks when it broke down on the road, that’s what it cost,” Maggie snaps back, leaning slightly to glare at Jackson as Rick steps slightly between them.  “If you’d taken better care of it maybe it wouldn’t have broken down.”

 

“I can’t hear anything, can you?” Carl asks Beth.  He’s sitting on the fence of the pig pen enclosure, squinting toward the scene of Maggie and Rick talking to a still wildly gesturing Jackson while James stands back beyond them with his arms crossed.

 

Beth shakes her head.  “What do you think he’s mad about?”

 

“I dunno,” Carl shoots a glance at her and then back toward the fences.  “Shoulda thrown him out,” he mutters.

 

“What?” Beth reaches over and tugs at Carl’s elbow to get him to look at her.  She squints at him searchingly.  “What are you talkin’ about?”

 

Carl just frowns before nodding back toward the prison.  “He’s coming back,” he says, motioning to Rick heading toward them again.  Maggie and Jackson, with James trailing after him, are each heading in opposite directions across the paved prison yard.

 

“Rick?” Beth asks as she heads towards him.  “Is everything okay?”

 

Rick nods placatingly and puts a hand on Beth’s shoulder.  “Maggie’s alright.  It was his car that broke down on that run, he just found out.”

 

“He went that crazy over a car?”

 

Rick shrugs and shakes his head.  He tugs his bottom lip into his mouth and chews on it in a show of frustration as Beth watches him.  “Just steer clear of him, alright?” he adds, squeezing her shoulder and tugging her a little closer for a moment before letting go to brush his hand over Judith’s head gently.

 

“Okay,” Beth agrees slowly.  Carl, who’d come up to meet them, and Rick stare at eachother for a moment silently.  Beth rubs Judith’s back as the baby snuggles against her shoulder.  “I’m gonna take her up, she’s gettin’ sleepy.”  She picks up Judith’s little fist and waves it to Carl and Rick to make them each smile with a half-smile herself before heading up the drive toward the prison.

 

_____

  
  


Two days later at mid-afternoon it’s quiet on the cellblock; everyone’s outside either working or just enjoying the peace while the youngest of the kids are napping.  Beth leans over the crib to lay Judith down for her afternoon nap and when she straightens and turns around Rick’s leaning against the bars watching her.  She gasps in surprise and Rick just smiles, lingering in the doorway.

 

“Everything alright?” she whispers, crossing the cell toward him.

 

Rick nods and glances behind her at Judith sleeping comfortably in her crib.  He starts to say something, but then Carl’s at his side, asking him when they’ll go out to check the snares.  Rick turns and gives him a considering look, then tilts his head to motion Carl away from the doorway and Beth follows them out, slipping by to go to her own cell.  She can hear Rick’s mildly incredulous, “You mean when I’ll go out?” in answer to Carl’s question and grins a little at Carl’s glum-sounding mumbled reply.

 

Beth sits down at her desk and pulls out her sewing kit to start on the basket of clothes waiting for patches.  She starts working on a pair of Daryl’s pants that have split open at the knees, first trimming off the trailing tattered hems and then turning them inside out to place the patches.

 

Rick pokes his head in a moment later and Beth glances up from her sewing.

 

“Need somethin’?” she asks mildly.  

 

Rick tilts his head and squints but he’s smiling and when he rolls his eyes and leans his temple on the bars Beth looks down and bites her lip to keep in a laugh.  They’ve been buzzing around each other the past few days with brief touches and weighted silences and in her mind it’s become a game that’s half seeing how long they can go in the same place at the same time with any semblance of privacy before they’re interrupted and half chicken to see who will say something first.  It’s the same as it’s always been in the prison; bars and cinderblock keep walkers out but they amplify every sound and hanging blankets over the cell doors hardly makes up for it.  It’s a near-constant buzz of human noise and it only grows the more people they add.  She’d never considered before now how much they still lack privacy after those months on the road when everything from brushing your teeth to breaking down in tears out of sheer exhaustion was done with a face-to-face audience.  She wonders too if Rick is as unsure about what comes next as she is.

 

Glenn passes by just as Rick’s about to answer her, pausing at Rick’s side.

 

“Can I take your Remington for watch?” he asks.

 

“It’s not mine,” Rick answers immediately.  Rick had stopped wearing his holster while he worked with Hershel and now only wears it when he leaves to check snares or is on watch.  Glenn claps him on the shoulder and Rick glances back at him.

 

“Don’t let her put those flower patches on my jacket again, okay?”

 

Glenn turns to go and Beth widens her eyes playfully at Rick.  

 

“I took ‘em back off,” she says with a little shrug, holding up the pink and yellow calico she’d been saving to make something for Judith.  He shakes his head and chuckles and Beth looks back down, working her needle through the layers of thick work-softened fabric.  He nods to her when she looks back up at him.

 

“Talk to you later?”

 

They watch each other.

 

“Mmhmm,” Beth answers with a hint of a smile.  Rick returns it before tapping the cell door and going.

 

That night Beth waits.  After dinner, after the little kids are all down for the night, after Judith is quiet in Rick’s cell, after the lights and the voices all die out one by one, she eases up to sit on her bunk and watch the curtained door of her cell, waiting for some disturbance.  None comes.  She hesitates another moment before getting up, leaving her knife sheath and boots behind and slipping out of her cell, silently edging to the door of Rick’s.  His lamp is on, glowing through the sheets hung over the bars when Beth knocks lightly.  She hears the creak of bunk springs in answer and opens the door just enough to slip through.  She pulls the cell door closed behind her - as close to closed as they get without chunking loudly into place and locking - and turns to see Rick sitting up in his bunk with his legs stretched out in front of him, ankles crossed and a weathered paperback in one hand.  Rick’s eyes flick over her quickly and she remembers she’s still in just the thin tank top and rolled up sweat pants she’d worn to sleep in.

 

“Hi,” she whispers, folding her arms over her stomach and taking a cautious step into the room.  Rick gets up and tosses the book lightly down on the desk as he walks over her to her.

 

“Hey,” he whispers back.  A nervous smile flashes over her face before she looks up at him again and once she meets his eyes, dark and bright both at once, she swallows slowly.

 

Beth steps into his space, pulse rushing in her ears, and she reaches up and rests one hand on his chest, feels the reassuring furious drumbeat of his heart.  His hands curl around the backs of her arms and pull her in and she reaches up, standing on tip toes and feels his arms lock around her as she tucks into the side of his neck, her eyes shut and her arms clenched tight.  She takes in a deep shaking breath and fills herself up with the smell of him, sweat and sun-dried grass.

 

“Hey,” he murmurs again, this time with an edge of concern as he runs a hand over her hair.  

 

He pulls back to look at her, eyes tracing over her face.  He opens his mouth as if to ask a question but she answers before he can, curling a hand around the back of his neck to tug him down to her and kiss him soundly.  Her open mouth fits to his, his thumb pressing gently at her chin after a moment to open her lips wider before sliding his tongue along her lower lip and then dipping into her mouth.

 

Rick’s hands are _everywhere_ as they kiss, running along her back down to her hips, smoothing over the curves of her outer thighs and palming her butt with the barest growl in his breath. He touches her like he wants to learn her, to measure her in his arms and feel every bit of her.  It fills her up with warmth, just the sensation of being touched and the hungry way he kisses her, and when he turns them and walks her back until her shoulders hit the edge of the bunk she shivers at the chill of the metal and pulls him closer.  Rick lets her go to cradle her face in his hands and she slips her fingers under his once-white t-shirt, smiling at the way he jumps when she trails her nails over his skin.  He grunts under his breath and steps in closer again, crowding her between the bunk and his body and she breaks the kiss again, tugging at his shirt until he reaches back and pulls it off over his head, dropping it on the mattress behind her and leaving his hands resting on the top bunk, caging her in and looming over her with dark eyes and slick parted lips.

 

Beth stares unabashedly as she sweeps her hands over all his exposed skin and the lean curves of muscle beneath.  He’s warm under her hands, like he’d been the first time they kissed, like he always is when he’s in her space though it’s never been like it is now.  Now, when he’s inches away, half-naked, letting her study him while his fingertips skate lightly along her ear and make her tremble and blink.  He smiles at that, full of warmth and interest, and does it again and she tilts her head away slightly and bites her bottom lip but smiles.  His other hand falls from the edge of the bunk and lands comfortably at her waist before trailing lazily up, and she’s dizzy with anticipation for the moment he brushes the backs of his fingers over her breast through her shirt, lingering until she grabs his shoulders and pulls him back to her, pressing her chest to his and teasing his lips open with hers.

 

Now his hands are on her again in earnest, not an exploration but a mission, one grasping at her thigh and bringing her knee up.  Their hips press together, and with Beth up on her tip toes with one leg hitched up and Rick slouching just enough she can feel him hard between her legs.  She breaks the kiss again to stare blindly toward the ceiling and clench her teeth, forcing herself not to make a sound, to hardly even breathe when he grinds against her and she feels like screaming, like laughing and crying all at once.

 

The next moment his fingers skate down her chest, under the waistband of her sweatpants, and into her underwear and the thought of him touching her had been flickering through her mind since she’d walked into the cell but she’s still caught off guard at the suddenness and grasps at his arm tightly.  She pulls back to look him in the eyes and his hand stills as he blinks at her and starts to pull away but she pulls him down to put her mouth at his ear and whisper, "keep goin'," keeping his head cradled against her shoulder and reveling in his harsh reverent breaths on her neck as he starts to touch her gently.  Rick draws his fingertips over her lightly, sighing when she squirms into his touch, and slides a finger inside her.

 

It’s been a long time since she’s had anyone touch her - Jimmy did a few times, rushed and timid and his hands were always a little clammy - and she’s almost forgotten how it feels to have someone else’s hands on her, much less Rick’s as he adds a second rough finger to pump into her.  It’s burning and overwhelming and all she wants is to be able to make noise but she settles for kissing him, biting his lower lip and raking her nails across his shoulders and arching up into him until they’re both shaking with every breath and she nods, forehead pressed to his jaw, when she feels it coming on.  It feels like forever since she’s felt anything this good, this intense and immediate building and clouding up full and dark in her belly like summer clouds swollen thick with rain waiting and drifting low across the sky until they break open.  It’s there and then gone, a rush of euphoric release for a few seconds and then vague waves of tingles as Rick swipes his hand quickly over his jeans and kisses her messily, digging his hands into her hair and almost stumbling into her.

 

She pants at his mouth, hyper-sensitive to every touch of her clothes against her body, the heat and strength of him crowding her against the bunk, and a fresh rush of adrenaline when he bites her bottom lip and his hands in her hair close and tug.

 

She drags her palms up his thighs, shushing him softly when he lets out a grunt against her lips, and then she blindly works open the button and fly of his jeans so she can get her hand around his dick.  She’s breathless and shivery and her hands are shaking and Rick clutches the edge of the bunk at either side of her and buries his face in her hair as she starts to twist and stroke.  She lets him go for a moment, reaches up and slicks her palm with spit before wrapping her and back around him.  She rests her forehead against his collarbone and keeps her eyes open, watching her hand on hand him; the jagged rhythm of his hips as they rock his dick through the circle of her fist.  He’s thrumming with heat and energy, making the faintest sounds from the back of his throat with every exhale.  Beth leans back as much as she can and reaches up with her free hand, running her fingertips over his mouth to quiet him.  He licks the pads of her fingers and she shudders, twists her fist around the head of his dick once more, and then he’s crashing into her, kissing her hard, and she can feel his held-back groan in the twist of his mouth when he comes.

 

They stand still, frozen except for their barely-muted heavy breathing.  He seems to start and stop to say something a few times, but they just stare at each other silently until he grabs his discarded t-shirt from the mattress behind her.  He gently cleans off her hands and himself with it before balling it up and tossing it away and then gingerly tucks himself away again but leaves his jeans open and barely hanging on around his hips.  He rests his hands on the mattress on either side of her again, loosely this time, and they both stand and wait, watching each other for a long time, each gaze as steady and searching as they are glazed and surprised.  

 

Beth finally tears away and glances towards Judith’s crib when the baby sighs in her sleep.  Rick bows his head low and Beth turns back, taking his face in her hands and making him look at her again.  

 

“Goodnight,” she whispers, so quiet it’s barely more than a breath.

 

She trails her thumbs over his cheekbones and kisses him delicately.  He returns it, light and soft, for just a moment before she pulls away.  Rick nods, takes a breath and nods again.  He pulls himself up to stand straight and backs up a step to let her go.

  
_____


	7. Chapter 7

The next night, Judith wakes up three times.  The night after that, she sleeps for about two hours total, spending the rest of the night fussing and fighting sleep.  During the following day she stops sleeping altogether except for snatches here and there for less than an hour at a time.  

 

Beth and Rick trade off holding her and pacing Rick’s cell or the hallways surrounding the library, even outside back and forth on the catwalk between buildings.  Judith won’t be left in her crib without wailing, long and loud with no end in sight, so they walk and hum and rub her back for hours at a time before carefully transferring her to the other’s waiting arms.  They don’t bother going back and forth between their two cells once the second night finds Judith again wide awake, and instead take turns collapsing into Rick’s bunk for a couple of hours of sleep before it’s time to switch off again.  

 

Beth is so tired that her whole body stings with it and her thoughts turn into watercolors; all mottled backgrounds with a few sharp searing details standing out stark and unrelenting.  She turns her face into Rick’s pillow and breathes in the scent of him, flattens her hands against his sheets and pushes to roll onto her back as she hears Judith’s murmurs and Rick’s rumbling voice answering as he walks through the cellblock.  It’s just turning dawn - she can tell by the cool gray-blue light starting to leak in through the cellblock windows when she opens her eyes and glances around Rick’s cell - and that means the next person she hands Judith to will be her dad or Carol, or maybe Karen.  She can’t remember who’s got what tasks for the morning and who might be free.  Karen’s better with the older kids than she is with Judith but she manages just fine and that’s probably better than Rick or Beth are doing at the moment as worn out as they are.

 

Beth sits up when she hears Rick come back in the cell and reaches out for Judith.  Rick slumps down next to Beth and scoots Judith over to her lap before leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees to scrub his hands over his face while he yawns.  Beth tips her head against Rick’s shoulder and yawns herself - it really is catching, this they’ve learned for sure after those months on the road and finally settling in at the prison - and he twists around to plant a kiss on her temple and slide his fingers into her hair to press soothingly at her scalp.  She closes her eyes and slumps against him, tears prickling at the backs of her eyes like they have more and more often as the hours stretch out behind her.  

 

“Get some sleep?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

 

“Can’t last much longer,” he sighs.

 

Beth hums and nuzzles sleepily into Rick’s neck, a little smile on her mouth at the scrape of his beard over the bridge of her nose.  She hums again in satisfaction when Rick’s fingers trailing through her hair tug gently.

 

Judith whimpers crankily and Beth sighs and sits up straight, struggles to her feet and gets the baby situated on her hip.  Rick is stretched out on his side, one arm hanging over the edge of the bunk toward the floor, almost snoring as soon as his head hits the pillow.  Beth edges over to lean one shoulder against the bunk, feeling woozy and unsure on her feet she’s so full to the brim with tiredness.  She reaches out with her free hand and trails her fingertips through the unruly curls pushed back behind Rick’s ear.  He murmurs in his sleep at the touch and Beth smiles slightly and closes her burning eyes.  

 

Time slips by fast and soon she’s putting Judith in her dad’s arms.

 

“You and Rick don’t worry about your mornings, you hear me?  You can’t carry on like this on no sleep.  I don’t want to see either of you out of bed until lunch time.”

 

Beth stops and stares at her father blankly for a moment, and her brain spins out memories of Rick’s labored breaths rushing out over her neck as she’d twisted her spit-slicked hand around his dick a few days before.

 

“I’ll tell him,” she says, still watching her father carefully, reeling with confusion and over-awareness.  It’s because you’re tired, she mentally repeats as her feet carry her back to Rick’s cell.  Nobody knows, it’s just because you’re tired.

 

“Judy keepin’ you two up again?”

 

Beth halts and looks up at Tyreese who’s stopped her with a big hand on her arm.  She nods and tries to pull a smile onto her face.  “Yeah, third night in a row now.”

 

“You tell Rick I’ve got his watch tonight, and Karen said she’d take care of the wash for you today, alright?”

 

Beth reaches up to pat his hand on her arm in thanks and suddenly finds herself dangerously close to tears again.  “Thank you,” she murmurs, and shifts away, one foot in front of the other until she’s back in Rick’s cell again.  She nearly stumbles over to the side of his bunk and squats down next to it, steadying herself with her hands on the mattress.

 

“Rick?”

 

He mmpf’s and reaches out blindly until his hand closes clumsily around her shoulder, blinking up at her with reddened eyes.  He sits up slightly and glances around the cell.  “‘S it my turn?  What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s fine, nothing’s happening.  Daddy’s got Judy, he said not to get up until lunch time.”

 

“Okay,” Rick mumbles.  He tugs her closer by her shoulder and makes a sliver of room between himself and the wall.  “Come ‘ere.”

 

“I should go sleep in my room,” she says, or maybe she just thinks it because then she’s crawling over him and falling into the warm space on top of the sheets next to him.  

 

The bunks aren’t built for two people but Rick folds his arms over his stomach and Beth wriggles down until she can tuck her forehead against his upper arm, too grateful to be laying down to worry much about being wedged between him and the wall.  For a few seconds she’s transported back several months to when they were still on the road between the farm and the prison, before the weather had started to warm up and they didn’t have regular shelter.  They rotated through who got to sleep in the cars while they weren’t on watch overnight and the ones left to make their beds on the ground usually ended up huddled together between tarps to keep them dry and hold in body heat.  It had been hard to feel truly afraid even out in the open as they sometimes were when she was tucked between warm sleeping bodies listening to the birds wake up in the morning.  

 

She breathes in the warm vital scent of Rick everywhere around her, lets go of the stress and worry over Judith, and lets the whisper of his even steady breaths lull her to sleep.

 

It’s a few hours later when Maggie stands in the doorway to Rick’s cell, having knocked and quietly called out Rick’s name with no reply before sticking her head in slowly.  Beth and Rick are unmoved, both still fast asleep.  Glenn comes up behind her with a “hey,” and she whips around, pulling the cell door closed behind her.  

 

“Shh,” she whispers, shooing him away and following.  “They were up all night with Judith again.”

 

Glenn nods distractedly before letting her know he has an emergency council meeting.

 

“Emergency?  What’s goin’ on?”

 

“We found some mice in the store room, lost two bags of rice.  We’re gonna plan a run, load up on traps and new bins, see what we can find to replace it.”

 

Maggie nods and they kiss quickly.  “Lemme know when we’re goin’.”

 

Daryl walks by briskly, knocking a hand into Glenn’s shoulder on his way.  “Yo, you comin’ to the meetin’ or you gonna stand around suckin’ face all day?”

 

“I get to pick?”  Glenn calls after him.

 

“Nope.”

 

Another hour later Beth slowly starts to wake up and tries to stretch but there’s a solid weight keeping her from extending her arms.  She feels blindly and realizes it’s Rick, just starting to stir himself.  Beth struggles onto her back and is rubbing her eyes when Rick rolls over on his side, slinging an arm around her and dragging her back against him.

 

“Mornin’,” she murmurs, wondering briefly if he’s even aware it’s her he’s pressing into from shoulders to knees, her stomach he’s spreading his fingers on.

 

He mumbles something against the back of her neck and nuzzles in, nosing through her hair to get to her skin.  He inhales, sighs quietly and presses his mouth to the base of her neck before leaning back and she can hear the scrape of his palm scrubbing over his beard and then his forehead.  “Who’s got Judy?”

 

“Daddy took her this morning. Ty’s is gonna take your watch tonight.”

 

“Mm, okay.”  

 

Rick glances towards the curtained cell door, met with silence from the cellblock beyond; it’s late morning on a clear day, and especially with the two of them out of commission everyone’s outside or working elsewhere in the prison.  It’s the closest they’ve had to real privacy.  He checks his watch, then lets his arm fall back around Beth and wrap around her waist, and he shifts so he can bring his other arm under her neck to wrap around her shoulders.  His hips press forward again and she can feel him against the small of her back, hard and honest and unignorable.  He noses aside the hair laying over her neck and spreads soft open mouthed kisses over her skin, pausing to lick and suck lightly along a vein standing out as her breath quickens.  She’s drowsy and warm with the weight of him all along her back, from her shoulders cradled against his chest to his hips rocking the stiff line of his dick along the cleft of her ass.  His movements are sleepy and slow but not gentle.  She doesn’t try to move her arms, just arches her back and rubs against him, twitching a little in surprise when he bites down on her ear in return.  Rick’s hand on her stomach moves to her hip and tightens, gripping and holding her still against a strong thrust of his hips and then he’s cupping between her thighs over her sweatpants and cursing with a hot breath into her ear.

 

She twists around as much as she can and kisses him, messy and loose-lipped.  It’s the first time they’ve kissed since the second night in his cell.  She reaches down and tugs at the drawstring of her sweatpants, breathless and overwhelmed with the heat of him and the sudden urgent throb between her legs.  He pulls her to flip around and face him and she curls her arms around his neck and nods when he catches her knee and guides it to hitch over his hip.  She's ready for him to roll over her but he just presses his thigh between hers.  She hisses out a breath, rolling her hips and clutching at his upper arm when he angles her knee a little wider open.  Her eyes slip closed again as her hips move without her intent.  Rick’s hands slide over her back to reach under her pants, flatten on her ass, and pull her into something like a rhythm on his thigh.

 

It’s not enough and she pushes on his hips after a few moments, reaching down to help when he starts peeling her sweats down her legs.  He catches her eye and leans in to kiss her once, tongue slipping along her upper lip before he pulls away slowly, still watching her.  Heat flares through her, the prickling cold-hot sting of anticipation, unbearable weight suddenly sitting on her chest, waiting.  She runs her nails across the topography of his shoulder blades while she studies his face.  His eyes go hooded, goosebumps raise in the wake of her touch, and Rick shudders.  He kisses her once more, tongue slicking into her mouth before he pulls away.

 

He gets her sweats down past her knees and leans in again, kissing her chin lightly before he moves back.  He crawls down her body, brushes her shirt up and kisses above her belly button, bites at her hipbones, and laves his tongue in a soft crescent on each of her inner thighs.  Beth’s practically shaking, turned on and overwhelmed and nervous, and it feels for a moment like she’s lifted out of her body to watch as Rick kneels on the floor next to the bunk, tugs her underwear down and off, and then gently parts and lifts her legs around his shoulders.  

 

He spreads her open with his fingers and lowers his head to taste her, slow and firm and hungry.  She jolts and clenches her thighs when he sucks at her and the scrape of his beard between her legs is startling, rough and stimulating when she squeezes just a little more and she can feel all the small movements of his jaw.  Rick grips at one of her legs, his fingertips digging in and holding her in place as he slides two fingers inside her at once.  He crooks his fingers and her hips come up off the bed, his mouth still sealed to her and waves of pleasure rolling up through her faster and faster as he keeps going.  

 

She bites her lip and closes her eyes tight, fisting one hand in the sheets and curling the other around the wrist of his hand on her thigh.  When Rick lifts his head to shush her softly she realizes she's shaking her head, probably breathing too loudly, tense and too overwhelmed to get any closer.  She opens her eyes and stares into his, lost deep within herself for a moment until he lowers his mouth to her again and does something, changes the angle or the direction of his tongue stroking her over and over and that’s it, she catches her breath in a deep gulp and lets her hips roll into the steady rhythm of the throb in her middle as it blooms into bright effervescent pleasure that washes out, up to the top of her head and down to her toes curled against Rick’s back.

 

Rick strokes her legs and kisses her stomach as he crawls back up and she closes her eyes and lays back, blindly trailing her fingertips over his arms.  Her legs are shaking a little and suddenly the air in the cell feels cool everywhere it touches her.

 

“Fuck,” he whispers at her ear, and it’s not like she’s never heard Rick swear before but the vehemence and wonder of it make her breath halt.  She fists her hands in his shirt at his shoulders, digging her nails in to pull him to her mouth and she opens her eyes just in time to catch a flash of his smile before he kisses her.  She smiles too as she reaches down to undo his jeans and push them out of the way.

 

A rush of voices bounces off the cellblock walls; the first wave of people coming in before lunch.  Rick lets out a low muffled growl of frustration against her neck.

 

“It’s okay, come ‘ere,” she murmurs, barely above a whisper.  She holds him close by the back of his neck and hooks one foot over the back of his thigh.  Her sweatpants and underwear are hanging off one ankle and she can feel the cool wet of precum through the thin cotton of his briefs before she works her hand inside.

 

“Quiet,” she reminds him, holding her hand off him for a brief moment before he mumbles assent and busies his mouth kissing her as she touches him.  She sucks on his bottom lip and catches the taste of herself on his mouth like fruit and salt and it spurs her on, makes her heart speed up and her skin tingle with the lingering shivers of her orgasm.

 

“Show me how you like it,” she breathes at his ear, and he rumbles out a rasp of a groan and reaches down with one hand to wrap it around hers, squeeze her loose fist a little tighter and set her pace.  

 

It’s frustrating that she’s doing this for the second time and still can’t take her time to learn every inch of him and all the different touches he might like.  But the cellblock will be filling soon and they don’t have the time.  He doesn’t take long, just a few minutes of her hand working with the rocking of his hips and his kisses growing distracted as he gets closer and closer.  When he comes, spilling over her stomach and shirt she fleetingly thinks it’s good neither of them had bothered changing clothes yet from the previous day.  She releases him and wraps both arms loosely around his neck while he kisses her, deep and wet.

 

Someone walks by right outside the cell door and they break apart, both working carefully to control their breathing.  Rick rests his forehead on her shoulder and sighs before crawling back to stagger to his feet next to the bed.  Beth sits up slowly and then stands as she pulls her clothes quickly back into place.  She accepts his shirt when he pulls it off and hands it to her to clean herself off as best she can.  It’ll do for the quick walk back to her cell.  She stands in front of him for a moment, meeting his hooded eyes briefly before resting her hands at his hips and leaning up to kiss the corner of his mouth.  She watches him as she pulls back and drops another kiss on his bare shoulder as she steps around him toward the cell door.

 

She pauses for a moment to listen and hears only distant voices and footsteps so she slips out and walks quickly to her cell.

 

_____

  
  


Over the next few days they get Judith sleeping through the night again and on her new nap schedule she’s awake everyday for a bottle during the lunch hour.  Beth starts bringing her with to the tables outside for her bottle and then holds her while they eat so Rick can still see her for a bit during the day.  Beth shades her eyes as she watches Rick and Carl approach from the fields, Rick motioning Carl ahead as he stops to toss down his gloves and splash some water on his face.

 

“Hey Judy,” Carl greets his sister, letting her grip his finger for a moment before he heads over to fill his plate from the grill.

 

It’s a big lunch; Daryl and Michonne had returned the day before with a deer in the trunk of the car they’d taken out for their latest tracking attempt and the first tomatoes are in from the garden.  They had been saving the last of the cornmeal and cooking oil just for the occasion and now Tyreese is serving up honest to goodness fried tomatoes along with greens and venison and it feels like a party, just having food prepared in a way that’s not the bare essential.

 

Rick comes up and kisses Judith, his hands coming to rest on Beth’s shoulders when he leans over them and she shies away and laughs when drops of water fall from his hair, freshly slicked back off his face with water.

 

“You eat yet?” he asks, laughing as he brushes water droplets off her forehead.

 

“No, I was waitin’ for you, she’s picky about who feeds her lately, she’s just fussed for Carol and Daddy the last few times.”

 

Rick tilts his head and holds his arms out for Judith, who flails in his direction and he smiles and cradles her to his chest.  Beth stands and tucks the burp cloth over Rick’s shoulder and hands him Judith’s bottle.  She smiles at Judith and pats Rick’s arm.  

 

“I’ll get you a plate.”

 

"I’ll save you a seat.”

 

Beth steps over the bench at one of the big tables to sit in the space between Rick and Daryl left open for her.  She sets plates down for herself and Rick and smiles at Glenn telling a story that has Sasha in stitches and Carl bewildered.  Daryl is subdued next to them; he and Michonne had come back again without anything to show for their hunt for the Governor and the longer it took the less it seemed likely they’d find him, but also the less it seemed to matter.  If they couldn’t find him he couldn’t still be closeby.  Beth pours water for herself and Rick from the pitcher out on the table before setting into her food quickly.  She’s halfway through when Judith’s finished her bottle and she holds her arms out for the baby wordlessly, settling Judith against her shoulder while Rick reaches around to tuck the burp cloth over her shirt as Beth starts to pat Judith’s back firmly to burp her.  Carol smiles and nods to them from across the table as Rick starts on his plate.

 

“You two get any better at that she might as well take your name,” Carol teases.  

 

Beth coughs and blushes and hears Daryl snort next to her while Rick just laughs and shakes his head.  Beth keeps her eyes ahead and down while Daryl gets up, plate empty, and knocks his knuckles against Beth’s free shoulder.  

 

“See ya at the fences Missus Grimes.”

 

Beth knocks him back with her elbow as he walks away and Carol snickers but Beth lets the moment pass, patting Judith’s back and getting rewarded with a juicy burp.

 

“Well,” she laughs, “I guess that’s my cue.”

 

She hands a groggy Judith over to Hershel, levers herself up from the bench with a hand on Rick’s shoulder, and goes to clear her place but Rick waves her off.  “I’ll get it, you go deal with Daryl.”  He reaches up to tap her hand with his and she leans over to peck Judith’s head before making her way over to the shed where they keep the aprons, gloves, and weapons.

 

Daryl’s already staking walkers through the fences when she gets there.

 

“I told you, you gotta wear an apron.  Nobody wants to keep washin’ your clothes when they got blood and guts all over ‘em!” she calls to him before ducking into the shed.  

 

She picks two aprons and pairs of gloves and heads out, grabbing her favorite tire iron on the way and balancing it all in her arms until she gets over to where Daryl’s working.

 

“Put these on,” she tells him, snagging the cane from his hands when he’s on the backstroke with it.  He rears back and swings around at her in surprise, but she keeps hold of the cane and he lowers it quickly.

 

“The fuck?” he barks, more startled than angry.

 

“Put these on,” she repeats around a laugh at his expression, shoving the gloves and apron at him.  “At least the apron.  You get all the blisters you want, that blood’s not as gross as the walker guts.”

 

“Think you’re everybody’s mama now?” Daryl asks, eyeing her.

 

“You could use one,” she shoots back, squinting at him through the sun in her eyes as she ties on her own apron.

 

“Don’t think you ever minded my manners before.”

 

Beth shrugs and focuses on her gloves as she’s pulling them on.  “Y’know you used to be the nice one,” she says.  Daryl glances over at her, but she’s already twisting the tire iron back out of a walker’s skull.  “Anyway it’s not that I’m worried about manners so much as all of us doin’ laundry scrubbin’ our hands down to nubs on your shirts,” she adds.

 

Daryl shrugs.  “Leave ‘em dirty then.”

 

Beth makes a pretend gagging face and Daryl scoffs at her and shakes his head.

 

“Whatever,” Daryl mutters. He hangs the apron around his neck but doesn’t tie it, and tosses the gloves behind them, far enough that they won’t get splattered.  “You pleased now?”

 

“As punch,” Beth gives him a big fake grin and he rolls his eyes.

 

“Get to work.”

 

Beth laughs and shakes her head, but from then on they work in silence.

  
_____


	8. Chapter 8

The next day Michonne heads back out, this time on horseback without Daryl.  It’s the first time in weeks she’s gone out by herself and Daryl’s uneasy mood holds until the following day when he leaves on a run with Tyreese, Karen, and one of the guys from the newest group to arrive that had all known each other from their hometown of Decatur.

 

Later in the morning Beth brings a blanket out to the edge of the fields and spreads it out, sits Judith down with a teething ring to gum on and stretches out herself with her revolver and knife just near enough to grab.  Hershel is inside laid up with a cold so Beth sits and watches Carl and Rick work.  Rick is energetic and easy as he works, and watching him move reminds her of the baseball players she and her friends eyed summers ago bounding around their school’s diamond.  He likes it, she can see, likes the labor and the exhaustion that overtake him after hours of turning over shovelfuls of earth for something other than a grave.  

 

When Judith starts getting cranky Beth’s about to take her in but Carl comes over and hauls her into his arms a little awkwardly, letting her grab at the buttons of his shirt as he takes her over to see the pigs in their pen.  Rick sits back on his heels where he’s knelt next to a row of soybean plants, watching Carl bounce his little sister as he walks with her.  Beth glances over at Rick after a moment and returns his smile.  He looks back to Carl for a long moment then catches Beth’s eye again and motions with a flick of his eyes to the shed off one side of the horse’s stall and Beth nods slightly as Carl comes back over.  

 

“You wanna see if she’ll go to sleep for you?” Beth asks, rubbing Judith’s back and smiling at her round cheek smushed lazily against her brother’s shoulder.  “She’s about ready for her nap.”

 

“Yeah, if you stay and help finish weeding.”

 

Beth smiles and feigns a put-upon sigh as she and Carl trade his work gloves for Judith’s teething toy and he leaves to hike back to the prison with Judith already close to dozing.  Beth watches for a few moments, fiddling with a finger of one of the gloves before turning back to see Rick watching her.  She pulls the gloves on as she heads over towards him but he’s already pushing up from the ground and shaking his head.

 

“Come on, in here,” he says, smiling, one hand landing at her hip as soon as they’ve got the shed between them and the prison.  Beth spares a quick glance toward the crew working on the fences as Rick follows her through the door but no one’s paying attention and Carl’s already rounded the corner of the inner set of fences by now.  The shed has just enough space inside to house the gardening tools and a small workbench along one wall.  Rick pulls off his gloves and then Beth’s, tossing all of them aside before lifting Beth easily up to sit on the bench.  She grins at him as he steps between her knees and leans his palms on the bench at either side of her thighs.

 

“Mr. Grimes,” she greets him playfully, reaching up to rest her forearms on his shoulders, hands loosely crossed behind his neck.

 

“Ms. Greene,” he answers, feigning seriousness even under his own grin.  

 

He watches her as he leans in slowly, slowly, and kisses her once with a smack.  Beth hums happily and leans back until her shoulders and the back of her head rest against the wall behind her, pulling him with her.  It’s an indulgence just to be close like they are and to be able to speak to each other above a whisper.  Rick plants another kiss on her chin before leaning back a little to look at her thoughtfully.

 

“How are you?” he asks.

 

“I’m fine,” she says, smiling.  She lets her arms slip from around his neck and trails her hands down to play at the wrinkled corner of his collar with the tip of her finger.  She catches his eye again and smiles, wide and bright-eyed.  “How are you?”

 

Rick hums out a breath.  “Think I feel better than I should,” he says, eyes trailing down over her face.  He pauses afterwards, as if the admission surprises him, then huffs out a humourless laugh and shakes his head.  “Been thinkin’,” he says quietly.  He’s looking down, somewhere near her shoulder.

 

“About what?”

 

He sighs and shuffles on his feet, trails his hands from the bench to her thighs and splays his fingers to rub slowly up and down her legs.  “I don’t wanna do anything we can’t take back.  Anything you can’t take back.”

 

“Too late,” she says quietly.

 

Rick glances up quickly, then holds her gaze.  She wets her lips with the tip of her tongue and her cheeks color a second later.

 

“The . . . the other morning?” he asks hoarsely.

 

She nods and looks down with a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.  Rick exhales and bows his head, leaning in to rest his forehead on her shoulder.  

 

“It’s okay,” she whispers.  His fingertips on her thighs dig in and Beth tightens her arms around his shoulders.  “You know I’m okay, right?” she asks.

 

“Sure?”

 

“I’m sure.  I’m glad it was you,” she breathes, and Rick turns, reaching up to wrap a hand around the back of her neck and tilt her head so he can kiss her neck, slow and wet.  Beth grips his shoulders and wriggles closer, letting his hips push her legs open wider.

 

“Shouldn’t be this way,” he mutters, fingers tangling through her ponytail as he pulls away to rest his forehead on her shoulder again.

 

“What way?” Beth presses lightly against his shoulders and he straightens again, hands stilled on her waist, head bowed low.  “With somebody I trust?  Somebody who knows what they’re doin’?”

 

She knows it even though she can’t really see when he smirks in spite of himself, and the self-conscious shake of his head that follows it.  He looks up at her, rueful smile still lighting his eyes, and she smiles back, innocent and heated all at once.  She threads her fingers through his, holding their hands up out to the sides between them with their palms pressed together.  She pushes lightly and he pushes back, each leaning into each other and ending up balanced with a steady distance between them.

 

Beth studies their hands and flexes her fingers between his and the movement shifts and twists his wedding ring.  Her eyes flick over to his and they watch each other for a long moment.  Rick squeezes her hands before unthreading their fingers and changing his grip to bring her hand to his mouth and press his lips to the back.  He’s looking up and opening his mouth to speak when they hear a whistle from outside and the clap of horse hooves approaching.  They pull apart and Beth hops down from the workbench and follows Rick out of the shed, shielding her eyes against the sun to see Michonne approaching the gates.  Three walkers break from the treeline and amble toward her and when Rick breaks into a sprint Beth is right on his heels.  

 

Rick takes a running leap and grabs the pulley rope to open the big red doors mounted outside the fences, letting his weight drag the rope down as he lands.  As the doors open Beth catches sight of the horse rearing up, spooked by the walkers now surrounding it as Michonne grips at the reins to try to subdue it.  Beth feels the air rush out of her lungs when one of the walkers snaps at Michonne’s leg, barely missing her, and in the next moment Beth’s fingers are curling in the chain link of the inner fence and she’s dragging it open far enough to squeeze through.  

 

She’s vaguely aware of Rick’s voice, shouting after her as he reaches up and heaves the pulley rope down again to get the doors open wide enough for Michonne to actually get through.  Beth’s hand goes to her knife sheathed on her belt as she runs and she gets it free just in time to jam it up into the back of the head of the walker closest to Michonne.  Michonne raises up in the stirrups to free one foot and kick another walker in the head as a last-ditch parry before she’s steady enough to reach for her katana.  As it falls Beth shoves the body she’d just stabbed into the other walker stumbling nearer and the two fall like dominoes to the ground.  Beth stumbles backwards, off-kilter and gasping as Rick rushes past her to take down the third walker.  The horse rears up again with a frantic whinney, Rick ducks in its shadow, and as its front legs come down it catches the walker in the head with a glancing blow that sends it stumbling backward into the spike trap.  Rick changes tack and runs over to put down the walker still pinned under the first one Beth had taken down.  

 

Beth leans down to rest her hands on her knees and catch her breath.  In a moment Rick is in front of her, his hands shaking, skimming over her arms and her hair as he asks if she’s alright.  She looks up and nods to let him know she’s okay, reaching up to hold onto his arms to steady herself.

 

“What were you thinkin’ running out like that?”

 

“They woulda got her,” Beth says, shaking her head a little helplessly, glancing past him as Michonne comes up behind him.

 

“Hello to you too,” Michonne says dryly, down from the horse now and leading it by the reins.  She motions behind them.  “Wanna continue this inside?”

 

Rick nods distractedly.  “You alright?”

 

She cocks her head at him and nods, glancing at Beth too.  “Warrior Barbie here got to me just in time,” she says with a little smile.  Beth laughs breathlessly and shakes her head, remembering to pick up her knife from where she’d dropped it and put it back in its sheath on her belt as they head back through the gate.  She takes the horse’s reins once they’re inside while Michonne helps Rick close the gates again, and she’s just got the mare situated in her stall when Rick appears.  She glances over his shoulder to see Michonne heading up towards the prison.

 

“Sure she’s okay?”  Beth asks before he can say anything.

 

“She’s alright.  Been ridin’ hard since dawn.  Think she’ll stick around for a little longer this time.”

 

“Carl will be happy about that,” Beth says.  She’s got the buckle of the saddle undone and is reaching up to heave it off the horse’s back when Rick stops her with a hand on her wrist.

 

“Come on, let me do that.”

 

“I can do it,” Beth says, holding on and looking up at Rick.  They stare at each other for a long moment.  Rick exhales in a rush and then clenches his jaw.  He doesn’t let go of her wrist.

 

“I need you here.  For Judith,” he adds.  

 

Rick shakes his head as he lets go of her wrist and takes a small step back, out of her space, hands hanging empty at his sides.  Beth lets go of the saddle and reaches out for him, slides her hand into his and pulls him close to wrap her other arm around his shoulders and pull him down into a hug.

 

“I’m here,” she says softly, her voice weak as Rick squeezes her so tight that her ribs shift and ache.

 

That night Rick has the first shift on watch.

 

“Judy’s down, can you keep an ear out?” Beth asks Maggie as she enters the common room off the cellblock.  “I wanna get some air.”

 

“Take your time.”  Maggie smiles absentmindedly and doesn’t look up from the knife sheath she’s mending, lacing doubled-over fishing line through the holes punched in the leather where the old cording had broken.  Beth trails a hand over Maggie’s back as she passes by.

 

“Knife and a gun?” Glenn asks her retreating back from his place beside Maggie where he sits sharpening a knife.

 

“Yup,” Beth calls back, not pausing or turning before she heaves open the door and pulls it shut behind her.

 

The guard tower door is heavy too, and she’s crunched her boots in the gravel so she knows Rick knows she’s coming and doesn’t bother trying to be quiet with the door.  She hears the trap door at the top open and smiles a little to herself as she climbs up to the lookout and her fast-beating heart climbs up her throat at the same time.  She takes the hand Rick offers as she gets to the top and he puts the door back down behind her.  

 

“Hey beautiful,” he murmurs and keeps hold of her hand to draw her closer, the rifle still cradled in his other arm.  

 

“Hey,” she breathes back.  

 

It’s pitch black except for moonlight and when she steps into his space Beth can only feel his rough strong hand, thumb stroking the sensitive skin of her inner wrist, and smell the sun-baked fabric of his shirt and the tang of gun oil in the air.  She reaches up and splays her fingers along his jaw, pulling him down for a first clumsy kiss, mouths only halfway lined-up before they gain their bearings and Beth feels the barrel of the rifle dig into her shoulder blade when Rick wraps both arms around her.  Beth licks into his mouth and works her hands under his shirt, tracing the ridges of muscle at his hips.  Rick lets out a deep rumbling groan and his hand on her waist trails down to palm her butt, instead getting a handful of the snub-nosed revolver in her back pocket.

 

“Gotta get you a holster for this,” he says, and she can sense his smirky grin when he transfers his rifle from one hand to the other behind her back and flattens his newly freed hand over her other empty back pocket, pressing her closer.  Beth hums her satisfaction against his lips but pushes back, breaking the kiss after a moment to wrap her arms around him and tip her head against his chest.

 

“Today was scary,” she murmurs.

 

“Wouldn’ta known it to see you.”

 

Beth looks up at him and Rick turns them so a bar of moonlight falls across her face.  She shrugs slightly and Rick shakes his head in wonder, squinting at her a little.

 

“Where’d you come from?” he asks speculatively.

 

Beth smiles.  “I’ve been here.”

 

“Not like that.  Runnin’ out without any backup.”

 

Beth runs her hands up Rick’s shoulders and trails her fingers through his hair lightly.  “I’ve been on the fences.  Been on runs.  ‘Sides, I knew you were right behind me.”

 

Rick huffs out an incredulous breath.  He pulls out of her grasp and gently directs her to turn so her back is to him and walks them both to one end of the tower facing out to the fields, the outer fences, and the front gate.  He pulls her back against him, rifle cradled across his elbow and forearm and his hand on her hip.  He leans in close, holds her other hand in his and brings them up, arms extended, lining up with his index finger in their shared field of vision.

 

“I was there, at the ropes,” he says, pointing to just inside the inner gate, “and you ran past me, out there,” their hands travel to point to just outside the red doors.  He shapes his hand into a gun, holding her hand as if it’s his Python, curling his index finger against hers.  “One, two, three,” he counts, firing off a shot for each walker, raising and lowering their hands to imitate the kickback and re-aim each time.  He tucks his chin over her shoulder and his fingers at her hip curl and tug her even tighter against him.  “Coulda got ‘em all if I’d had my gun.”  

 

Beth shivers at the soft intensity of his voice in her ear and the gentle sure grip of his hand around hers.

 

“We handled it,” she answers softly.  Rick tracks their aim to a walker outside the fences and fires another imaginary bullet.  “The noise could’ve drawn more out of the woods,” Beth continues.  “The horse was spooked, it was all so close, you could’ve hit-”

 

“ _No_ ,” he says against her neck, curling around her and pressing his nose into her hair, his arms tightening.  “No, no, no,” he repeats.

 

Beth turns in his arms and wraps hers around his neck, almost put off balance by how deeply he’s leaning into her to tuck into her neck, breathing her in.  Beth walks them backward carefully, angling for the bench against one wall of the tower.

 

“Come on honey, sit down,” she murmurs, and he ducks in to kiss her as he shuffles back a few steps to sit down heavily.  “Can you see enough like this?”  Beth asks as she sinks down over him, holding onto his shoulders and straddling his lap.  Rick glances quickly around her, one hand still holding his rifle and the other at the small of her back, fingertips trailing under her shirt.

 

“Yeah, enough,” he murmurs.

 

He looks up at her, draws a soft line on her back just above the waistband of her jeans and Beth arches into his touch as he noses aside her open button-down shirt to press his lips to her chest at the neckline of the tank top she’s wearing under it.  Beth hums and reaches over and takes the rifle from his hand to lean it against the wall at his side easily within reach.  Rick’s hands fall to her hips immediately and his thumbs brush up under her shirt before he reaches up to push the button down off her shoulders.  Beth helps him pull it off and then he tucks his fingertips under her tank again and sighs as he runs his hands over her skin, soft and light, higher until he’s brushing over her nipples with his thumbs, letting out a gravelly groan at confirming she hadn’t bothered with a bra.  Beth squirms on his lap and tips her face up toward the ceiling, letting Rick lift the hem of her tank and hold it up with his hands on her ribs as he kisses between her breasts before cupping one to his mouth.  She shudders in his arms as he works at her, lips and tongue and beard all at once gentle and rough and overwhelming.  She digs her fingers into his hair and holds him to her chest, feels the low rumbling moans that break from his throat like an actual touch between her legs.  

 

It’s not enough, grinding herself into his lap with all her clothes between them, and Rick’s mouth is slow, his hands steady on her ribs.  When she wriggles a little impatiently he runs his hands up her back to her shoulders and pulls her down snug on his lap.  She gasps at the contact, her tank still rucked up under her arms, bare chest pressed to his shirt and his dick hard between her legs even through their jeans.

 

“I want you,” she whispers.

 

“‘M right here,” he murmurs back.

 

She drops her hands from his hair and pushes back up to kneel over him so she can get the zipper of her jeans down.  Rick just lets his hands slide down to her hips, holds her there while she steadies herself with her hands on his shoulders, and runs his tongue just above the elastic of her underwear.  She squints through the darkness, watching as he bows his head to press his nose and mouth to her underwear and breathe in.

 

She exhales sharply, stunned at the dark flicker of his eyes when he looks back up at her.  She pushes up to stand a little clumsily and feels her way to the toolboxes on the floor next to the bench where extra scopes and ammo are kept along with one of Maggie and Glenn’s stashes of condoms.

 

“Beth?”  He moves to crouch next to her but trails off when she stands again, pushes him back, and shucks her jeans down her legs, yanking off her boots too and letting it all drop to the floor.  “Jesus,” he mutters, hands hanging helplessly in the air as she climbs back over him.  The condom wrapper crinkles tellingly in her hand at his shoulder, catching the bits of light that shine through the tower and illuminate the paleness of her hair tumbling over her shoulders and her bare legs spread over his lap.

 

“I _want_ you,” she repeats between quick light kisses to his mouth, cheekbones, the bridge of his nose, his forehead and temples.  “Tonight, right now, here.”

 

“Okay,” he says a little shakily, a soft laugh breaking from his lips at her haphazard shower of affection.  

 

He tips her chin up so he can press a line of kisses along the underside of her jaw, wrapping his other arm around her to hitch her hips against his.  He curses at her ear between soft bites and flicks of his tongue, keeps her locked there as she moans and then he lets go of her to run both hands up her thighs and sweep his thumbs over the crotch of her underwear.  Beth digs her fingers into his shoulders and lets out a shaky breath, barely holding still when he pulls her up to her knees and tugs her underwear down to her thighs to lick at the crease of her hip.  He touches his forehead to her belly and then presses his mouth low between her stomach and her hip and sucks a mark into her skin, not stopping until Beth pulls him away with her fingertips combing back through his hair.  He looks up at her, eyes hooded and hazy as he leans into her touch.

 

“Do you want to wait?” she asks, not realizing she’d been questioning his willingness until it’s hanging there between them.

 

“No,” he says quietly, “I don’t want to wait anymore,” he murmurs half to himself.  

 

He glances over her shoulder out over the yard beyond the fences before looking back up at her, and it’s too dark to really see anything, only partial moonlight making its way into the tower to cast weak highlights here and there.  She crawls down from his lap and kicks her underwear down her legs and away as he stands and then she undoes his jeans when he takes the condom from her and tears open the wrapper.  

 

When they’re settled again, him sitting back on the bench and Beth straddling his lap, he holds her still a moment.  

 

“Hey,” he reaches up to trail his fingers through her hair.  He doesn’t say anything else, just curves his hands around her cheeks and looks at her quietly, watching the expression in her large eyes change as the momentum between them wanes.  Her hands clench in the material of his shirt, tugging open the buttons so she can lay her hands on his bare chest.  She nods, Rick nods back, and then she’s sinking down on him agonizingly slowly.

 

He tips her face to his, murmuring reassurances in a shaking whisper between barely there kisses to her jaw, chin, and mouth.  Once she’s slid him all the way inside she stays still for a moment, bowing her head to touch her forehead to his.  The stillness is overwhelming; soft breeze breathing around them, heartbeats pounding in their ears, and the warm pulse where they’re fit together, Beth opened around Rick like earth hugging a root.

 

She lets out a short exhale that’s half-laugh and hugs him tightly, closing her eyes and rocking a little on his lap, making him groan weakly in shock.  He kisses her, a broken wet slide of their mouths, when she starts to move again with her eyes squeezed shut.  Her exhales turn into sighs and then soft low sobs as his fingertips trail and circle between her thighs and she clutches the back of his neck bruisingly tight.  She rises and falls faster and harder until a shudder runs through her hips and climbs up her lungs and out her mouth in a gasp, leaving her soft and draped against his shoulder, her forehead against his neck as she rocks on trembling thighs the last few moments until he comes.

 

They stay there, panting and shaky until Beth lifts her head and kisses him, slides her tongue into his mouth and mews in surprise when his dick twitches inside her and his mouth breaks into a grin against hers.  Her legs are slicked with sweat cooling in the breeze blowing gently through the blown-open tower walls, her hair heavy against her neck, and Rick’s pulse thumping beneath her fingers splayed over his neck.  

 

When she opens her eyes finally the clouds have drifted off the moon and the tower is faintly illuminated in silver.  Rick gazes up at her as he cups a hand around her cheek and she cradles his hand with hers, turns and presses a kiss to his palm.

 

_____

 


	9. Chapter 9

Maggie sighs and tosses another shirt into the washtub.

 

“Where’s Carl today?”

 

“There was somethin’ wrong with the water pump, he’s out with Rick and Daddy lookin’ at it,” Beth answers.  She finishes wringing out the shirt Maggie had just handed her and turns to pin it on the line.  “I didn’t even bother askin’ him to come help, I don’t think we could drag him away from a chance to go outside the fences if we hogtied him.”

 

“You’re right about that,” Maggie agrees.  “He’s doin’ better lately don’t you think?”

 

“I think he’s allergic to weeding,” Beth says, and Maggie laughs along with her.  “He named all the pigs,” Beth adds and takes another shirt from Maggie when she hands it over.

 

“You are rubbin’ off on him then,” Maggie teases.

 

“Carl’s gonna be fine,” Beth says assuredly.  “He still fights it sometimes but I think it’s more like normal teenager stuff now.  With Rick back . . . everything’s gonna be fine.”

 

“Things are better with you two.  You and Rick,” Maggie notes, scrubbing at one of Rick’s dirt-stained shirts.

 

Beth shrugs and nods, bites her tongue against a litany of feelings piling up in her throat like the choked feeling of holding back tears.  She doesn’t trust herself to be able to explain how much it feels like everything had changed over the past several weeks without letting the truth about her and Rick slip too.  She turns when Maggie hands her a pair of pants to wring out and hang.

 

“I saw you two asleep in his bunk one morning when Judy wasn’t sleepin’.”

 

Beth stutters to a stop for a moment, panic rising in her throat while her lips stay parted as if to speak.  Maggie’s smiling at her easily, and her tone is mild and a little teasing.  “He wasn’t snoring like he used to, though.”

 

Beth forces the corners of her mouth up and takes the pants Maggie’s holding out to her.  She feels color flood her cheeks and neck as she turns back to the line to hang them but she chokes out a laugh.  “We were both so tired I guess I just passed out right there,” she says casually.  

 

She thinks again of waking up under scratchy blue tarps between Lori and T-Dog that winter between home and the prison, thinks of that morning in Rick’s cell and his eyes locking with hers from between her legs.  

 

“Carol said a lot of babies do that when they’re havin’ a growth spurt,” she adds.  “I’m just glad it didn’t last too long.”

 

She realizes Maggie’s been quiet for a long moment and she glances back over her shoulder cautiously, turning fully to face her sister when she sees Maggie holding one of Judith’s dresses, smoothing the ruffled edge of a sleeve.

 

“You wanted a baby since you were a baby yourself and now here you are,” Maggie says quietly.  She’s smiling but there’s a roughness to her voice.

 

Beth blinks and takes a breath.  “Do you think you and Glenn will?  Have a baby?” she asks.

 

Maggie shakes her head as she plunges the dress into the wash bucket and starts scrubbing at a splotch of dried spit up.  “Look what happened-”

 

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Beth says quickly.  “Things are secure now. Daddy’s walkin’, we've got Dr. S . . . I think you could, if you wanted to.”

 

“Don’t know how I could risk it.  Not just for Glenn, y’know?”  Maggie squints up at her through the sun as she hands over the dress.

 

“Some things are worth it,” Beth says before she can stop herself.  She shakes her head a little.  “Why do we fight so hard to stay alive if we’re afraid of havin’ anythin’ more than that?”  

 

She touches Maggie’s shoulder and Maggie reaches up to clasp her fingers, both their hands wet and pruny from the water and soap.  After a moment Maggie swipes at her eyes and sighs with an overwhelmed groan, nodding to herself and Beth with a watery smile.  She picks up the last pair of jeans she had left to soak and when she tosses the scrub brush into the wash tub it sends a splash of water over Beth’s boots.  Beth pauses for a moment then purses her lips around a mischievous smile and goes to sling the still-sopping jeans at her sister.  Maggie jumps up, laughing.

 

“Don’t you dare, I’ll tell Daddy,” she warns.

 

“Tell him what, you started a water fight and couldn’t finish it?”

 

Maggie holds her hands up, one finger pointed at Beth accusingly.  “You made me cry, you have to surrender.”

 

Beth rolls her eyes and tosses the jeans carelessly over the line before closing the small distance between her and Maggie and wrapping her arms around her sister.

 

“Cheater,” she murmurs into Maggie’s hair.

 

“Brat,” Maggie mutters back.

  
_____  
  
  


Rick sends Carl to put the tools away when they come back inside the inner fences from repairing the water pump at the edge of the outer fenceline.  Carl, disappointed that he hadn’t ended up getting to go check on the waterline itself in the stream, hikes towards the shed, lugging the toolbox with him with slumped shoulders.

 

“Thought I’d take Beth out with me to check the snares later today,” Rick says to Hershel when Carl is out of earshot.

 

He feels Hershel glance over at him but keeps his eyes trained on his task of installing a metal contraption Carol had dubbed “the bird,” made to attach to the fence and sway back and forth to draw walkers away when they need to go outside the fences the next time.

 

“You need an extra set of hands?”  Hershel asks.

 

Rick shrugs, “can’t hurt.”

 

“Carl doesn’t want to go?” Hershel asks.

 

“Carl wants to go too much.  He’s still too preoccupied with gettin’ back his gun, gettin’ back to the way things were before.  You saw him today, staring out there like it’s an amusement park.  I take him out now it’s all he’ll wanna do.”

 

“I expect you’re right about that,” Hershel agrees.

 

Rick tugs the last of the zipties into place and pulls out the bolt holding the whole works still, tapping one of the spoked wheels gently to set the bird into motion.  The arms bob back and forth, clattering and creaking against the fencing, putting on a noisy show.  Rick and Hershel both laugh a little in approval, sobering only when a walker breaks from the treeline beyond and charges crookedly toward them, stopping in front of the bird and clawing at it through the fence.  Rick clears his throat, pulls out his knife and dispatches the walker quickly before stilling the swinging arms of the bird and replacing the bolt carefully.

 

"He’s doin’ better,” Hershel says.  “You’re doin’ better.  I appreciate you lettin’ me know, about Beth,” Hershel says into the quiet.  

 

Rick swallows roughly and shoots a sidelong glance at Hershel who looks over and smiles a little sadly.  

 

“When Beth learned to read Annette used to have to pry a book out of her hands to get her outside once a week.  Then I opened my eyes one morning and she was Carl’s age.  Opened them again and I had Jimmy stayin’ in what had been Shawn’s room because his family had all been killed by the virus.  A week later you came runnin’ across that field.”

 

After a pause Hershel continues.  “She’s doin’ better now too.”

 

“Yeah, she is,” Rick answers assuredly, looking over at Hershel, who’s now squinting into the middle distance through the chainlink.  “She _is_ ,” Rick repeats.  “I couldn’t do this without her.”

 

Hershel squeezes Rick’s shoulder as he turns to head back up toward the prison, and Rick follows after a brief pause, catching up in a few strides.

 

_____

  
  


“What do you think we’ll find?”

 

“If we’re lucky rabbits.  More likely some squirrels.”

 

“Anything sounds good to me.  Y’know I was a vegetarian before?”

 

“That right?”

 

“Uh-huh.  For about six weeks.”

 

Rick laughs under his breath and Beth giggles and knocks her shoulder into his arm before reaching for his hand.  His fingers curl around hers easily and they walk in silence for a few minutes until they reach the first snare.  There’s a rabbit caught in it, and Rick bags it quickly and then resets the rope.  When he stands again and catches Beth’s eye she smiles briefly before they start walking again.

 

“Why’d you bring me out?”

 

Rick shrugs.  “Thought you’d like it.”  He grins at her and holds his hand out.  They walk on quietly hand in hand with strides matching to the next snare, and the next.

 

“‘S quiet,” Beth says softly as she watches him disentangle a fat squirrel.

 

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Rick agrees.

 

“There was just so much happenin’ all the time before,” she adds.  She holds the bag open for Rick to tuck the squirrel into.  “Now it’s like everything’s slower even though . . .”  she trails off and Rick catches her eye and smiles as he stands.  “Gives you time to think,” she says, looking up at him.  He takes the bag from her and watches her as she slides his hand back into his.

 

“‘Bout what?” he asks mildly.

 

Beth hums noncommittally.

 

Rick falls back a step and grabs her arm, spinning her around and catching hold of her other arm to pin her back gently against a tree.  Beth gasps in surprise, energy radiating through her middle as Rick leans in.  

 

“Hey,” he murmurs.

 

She reaches up and clutches at his arms in anticipation, starting to grin.  

 

He lifts his chin at her, eyes trailing over her face.  “What d’you think about?”

 

Beth lets out a little puff of a breath.  Her eyes trail over his face, close and intent.  “This,” she whispers.  “I think about the guard tower.  I think about when we were in your cell.”

 

Rick noses aside a strand of hair from her neck and and trails his lips across her pulse point and she can feel his deep inhale against her skin before he sucks lightly.  Beth concentrates on breathing, on her fingers where they’re now curled around the back of Rick’s neck.

 

“You?” she murmurs.

 

He hums against her skin, then slips his tongue out and traces lightly along her collarbone.  “How you taste,” he says quietly.  “How you feel.  Sounds you make.”

 

Beth groans, clutching at him, pushing up and straining against his mouth as his hands wander under her shirt.

 

“Quiet,” he murmurs.  “Have to be quiet, have to keep watch.  We don’t have a lot of time.”

 

Goosebumps come up on Beth’s skin in waves and she shivers, reaches up to wrap her arms around Rick’s neck.  He palms her hips, pushes her back against the tree and presses closer, working over her ear with his tongue and lips until she’s almost writhing, curling around him and sighing in frustration.

 

“Think you can be quick?”  he asks breathlessly.  He lets go of her hip and brushes the backs of his fingers across her stomach, fingertips working just barely under the waistband of her jeans.

 

Beth manages a nod and asks, “what about you?” reaching down to palm at the front of his jeans but Rick grabs her wrist with his other hand and holds her away.  “Later.  Gotta keep my head on straight out here.”

 

“Later,” Beth murmurs back.  

 

She glances briefly at the woods around them, the quiet breeze touching her softly everywhere Rick isn’t, insects buzzing constantly.  Within the fences at the prison it’s nothing like this, not as green or shaded or alive and moving and she hadn’t realised how much she’d missed the snap of twigs under her boots.  She turns her eyes back to Rick, the faded shirt hugging his shoulders and an errant curl of his hair curving around his ear.

 

“I can be quick,” she repeats, and Rick slides his mouth over hers finally.  

 

He unbuttons and unzips her jeans quickly and she spreads her legs as much as she can, but she likes the feel of clenching her thighs around his wrist.  He’s not hesitant when he presses two fingers up inside her even when she swallows down a gasp at the suddenness of it.  She fists her hands in his shirt at his shoulders and forces her eyes to stay open, searching through the trees for danger as Rick bends a little at the knees to angle his hand so he can sweep his thumb up.  His beard rasps at her neck and his mouth is soft and hot at her ear.  She lets herself get lost in the harsh rhythm of his breath and his hands on her and when they both feel her start to clench and shiver around his fingers he groans softly and mutters, “come on sweetheart.”

 

Beth loses it, a deep groan stifled in her throat, teeth gritting as she claws at his shoulders and rocks her hips in time.  Afterwards she’s jittery and over-sensitive and she can feel the suppressed noises in her throat like a rock.  Rick kisses her while he gently pulls her jeans and underwear back up and pulls away to glance back over his shoulder quickly.

 

“I was watchin’,” Beth objects breathlessly.  Rick looks back at her with dark eyes and only grunts with a grin in response.

 

He turns away again and Beth watches as she zips and buttons, not missing it when he reaches his hand up to his mouth for a moment.  She lets out a slight whimper, shivering a little with aftershocks but not sated.  She wants to be wrung out, to be able to make noise and stretch out and be naked and messy and it’s all just impossible.  She runs her hands over her hair and brushes the crumbs of tree bark off on her jeans.  Rick still has his back to her, ready to move, and he holds a hand out for her to take.  When she slips her hand into his and they start out again she finds herself still hyper-aware and jittery and finally she tugs at his hand to get his attention.

 

“Maggie saw us when we were asleep in your bunk,” she blurts out when he faces her.

 

“What?”

 

“She told me earlier before we came out.  I don’t think she thought anything of it, she didn’t say so anyway.  But she saw.”

 

“Shit.  Why didn’t you tell me before?”

 

“I was thinkin’ how to explain it at first, and then . . .” Beth trails off with a meaningful look.  Rick shifts on his feet.  “I think it’s okay,” Beth continues.  “She said it reminded her of when we were on the road that winter and people’d end up piled up together to sleep to keep warm.”

 

Rick raises his eyebrows at that.

 

“We _were_ just sleepin’,” she says.  

 

Rick nods and blows out a breath through pursed lips, his eyes darting around them, ever alert.  “You’re sure she wasn’t just bringin’ it up to see if she could get somethin’ outta you?”

 

Beth rolls her eyes a little.  “She’d just say it if she really thought somethin’ was goin’ on.”

 

Rick bobs his head in agreement but he still looks reticent.

 

“Not everybody was a _cop_ ,” Beth adds, nudging into his shoulder as they continue to the next snare.

 

“Thank god for that,” Rick mutters, and he gives her hand a squeeze.

 

_____

  
  


“It’s later.”

 

Rick looks up from the almanac he’s just pulled from one of the bookshelves and smiles in spite of himself.  “S’pose so.”

 

He walks around the shelf and sees Beth coming towards him from the doors, a small smile on her face that makes him stop in his tracks.  “What if somebody comes in?” he asks, nodding over her shoulder at the doors.

 

“I put a broomstick through the handles,” she answers simply.  She walks straight up to him and pulls him in for a kiss, taking the book from his hands and dropping it carelessly behind her where it lands just barely on the seat of the sofa.  

 

“Was gonna read that,” Rick mutters, muffled against her mouth, and Beth fists her hands in his shirt at his sides and nips at his lower lip.

 

“Can read later,” she answers, now untucking his button down shirt and slipping her fingers beneath.  She grips firmly at his hips and lets out a little hiss.

 

“What’s got into you?” Rick asks, watching her with a smile that’s a bit stunned.

 

Beth sweeps her thumbs over his skin and smiles when he shivers.  She shrugs a little as she leans in again, up on her tip toes as she wraps her arms around him and digs her nails slightly into his skin just above his belt at his lower back.

 

“Earlier,” she whispers between kisses, “wasn’t enough.  Been thinkin’ all day-”

 

Rick groans into her mouth and doesn’t let her finish as he digs his hands into her hair and tilts her head to change their angle.

 

“Come on, over here,” Beth murmurs, tugging him along with her a few clumsy steps and then pushing him gently so his shoulders hit one of the tall shelves.  Her fingers skate down his stomach to his belt and catch, starting to pull the strap out of the buckle and Rick opens his eyes and looks down at her.  She slows but doesn’t stop when she looks up and returns his gaze, and her eyes are wide, dark, and determined.  He reaches up and cages her cheeks in his hands gently when her eyes fall away from his.

 

“You don’t have to-”

 

She shakes her head to cut him off, slides her hand into his pants and lets out a satisfied breath when he groans and shivers into her touch.  

 

She sinks down in front of him without any more preamble.  “Tell me what you like.”

 

Rick fairly gasps as she tugs his pants down and wraps one hand around his dick, already hard and leaking precum.  They lock eyes for a moment, still and quiet, and then she’s opening her mouth, licking at the head of his dick.

 

“Oh fuck,” Rick breathes, weak and overwhelmed already.  He tips his head back against the shelves and closes his eyes, and his hands grasp at the shelves at his sides when Beth takes him into her warm wet mouth.  “God that’s good,” he murmurs, and Beth hums in reply.  She reaches up and braces her free hand on his bare hip, her thumb sweeping along the dip between his hip and thigh, pressing slightly and then harder when he groans quietly.

 

“Can I-?” he starts, hands falling to her hair and she pulls her mouth from him and nods, lips swollen and slick, and they watch each other again as he pulls the elastic holding her ponytail away and then slides his hands into her hair.  The long blonde waves fall over her shoulders, caught messily around his fingers and she looks even softer than usual with the line of her jaw obscured.  

 

She tugs at his dick, her small hands on him soft and questioning, and he bends slightly, wanting to gather her in his arms as much as he wants to thrust back into her mouth.  Beth holds his gaze and nods slightly as he presses his fingertips against her scalp, lets him guide her back to his dick, and when she hollows her cheeks and sucks he clenches his fingers in her hair and lets out another groan, deep and strained.

 

It’s not much longer before his hands in her hair are clenching again, pulling her slightly with each dip of her head to take him deeper, and then suddenly he’s coming down her throat.  His eyes squeeze shut, hands too rough on her and she lets out a little choked mew of surprise before swallowing.  Rick pulls from her mouth and slides to the floor between her and the bookshelf, clumsily pulling her against him, tugging away the hand that’s brushing at her lips and tipping her chin up to kiss her.  The taste of himself on her mouth is faint and startling and he can’t get his hands to work right, resting heavily on her shoulders.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

 

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” she murmurs back, and then she’s pushing at his shoulders, angling him to lay back on the floor.  She crawls on top of him, lithe and light even when she pushes herself against him and whines a little at the lack of friction.  He laughs a little in spite of himself.

 

“Gotta give me a minute sweetheart,” he says, hands still pressing on her lower back encouragingly.

 

Beth sucks at his neck and scrapes her teeth lightly in response.

 

“Hey,” he adds, reaching up to hold her off of him gently with his hands on her jaw.

 

Voices sound outside in the hallway, and the doors jostle, held closed by the broomstick Beth had put through the handles.  There’s laughter from outside and the voices fade after a moment.

 

Beth sighs deeply, leaning down to rest her forehead on Rick’s shoulder.  He braces an arm around her waist and rolls them, catching and cradling her head in his other hand when she flips to her back on the floor beneath him.  He’s running a hand down her stomach when she sighs again and shakes her head.

 

“People will be lookin’,” she whispers.

 

Rick cups between her parted legs, fingers rubbing firmly until she squirms.  “Don’t wanna leave you hangin’.”

 

Beth’s fingers slide over his, guiding him to press until she gasps out, “I got a lot to think about.”

 

He curses at her ear, bites and sucks at the lobe as their fingers keep working at her until she pushes him away suddenly.  

 

“Come on,” she murmurs, pressing at his arms so she can sit up.  Rick sits up, rubbing the heel of one hand at his eye dazedly.  He smirks at the hand Beth offers him, but takes it and levers himself up to his feet, tilting his head and staring unabashedly as she walks ahead of him toward the doors, their hands still barely linked.

 

She pulls him in once more, her back against the wall next to the doors, and he cages her in and kisses her deeply, tongue sliding along hers.  She breaks away and ducks under his arm, reaches up and combs her fingers through her hair to pull it back into a ponytail.  Rick pivots and leans against the wall where she’d been, watching her.  

 

“Early morning tomorrow?” she asks.

 

He shakes his head and folds his arms over his chest.  “Normal time.”

 

“Maggie’s on the run,” she says, “I’m gonna get up to say goodbye before I come for Judy.”

 

“Okay.”  He bows his head and closes his eyes for a moment to clear his head, and when he opens them Beth’s standing in front of him, her own arms folded too.  Her mouth quirks up at the corners, lips pressed in a firm line, and he cracks a grin back.  She tugs him down and the kiss she brushes over his jaw is soft and heated both at once.

 

“‘Night,” she whispers.

 

“Sweet dreams,” he answers as she’s pulling the broomstick from the door handles.  

  
Beth shoots him a look, dark-eyed and hungry, and hesitates a moment before letting the door fall closed behind her.

 

_____


	10. Chapter 10

“Feels like bein’ in high school again.”

 

“This what you got up to in high school?” Rick asks a little incredulously.  His breathing is harsh in the quietness of the car.  They’re in the backseat of an old sedan parked along one edge of the yard by the fences.  The bus is between them and the nearest guard tower where Daryl is on the first shift of night watch and there’s an SUV parked on the other side, both blocking the car from view of the prison and the tower while still allowing the night’s bright full moon to lay shafts of dull blue light over the car’s interior.

 

“Well,” Beth mouths lightly at his throat and hums when he reaches up to trace a line down the side of her neck, over her shoulder and down her arm.  “Not _this_ ,” she finishes with a shiver.  Rick’s fingertips swirl under her shirt, sweeping along the soft curve of her stomach and down to tug at the buckle of her belt.

 

“Lay back,” he whispers, and they carefully negotiate the change in positions.  Beth lays on her back, Rick bracing himself over her.

 

“I bet you got up to trouble in high school,” she teases.  He lets out a low rasping laugh and bites his lip against thoughts of exactly how long ago that was for him.  She curls her legs around his hips, lifts up when he gets her belt and jeans undone and tugs them down.

 

“No that was Shane,” he mutters.  He leans down and brushes her shirt up, grips at her waist with hands hot and rough on her skin, and kisses her neck with a scrape of teeth.

 

“You were the good one, then.  Like me,” she says, gasping out an “oh,” when he moves his knee a little higher, spreading Beth’s legs wider, and pushes his fingers into her underwear.  

 

“Like you,” he repeats in a rough whisper as he sinks two fingers inside her and hisses at her nails digging into his scalp where she’d been carding her fingers through his hair.  “Fuck, so good,” he breathes, crooking his fingers against the slip-soft clutch of her body.

 

Beth moans, soft and broken, and pulls him to her mouth to kiss him.  “I wouldn’t’ve kissed Shane,” she murmurs against his mouth, and she misses it, her eyes slipping closed, when his flick open and he looks down at her for a moment before kissing across her cheek to her jaw.  

 

“Good,” he answers with a twist of his fingers.  

 

She arches her hips, heedless of her jeans bunching down her thighs the more she moves against his hand.  He licks and nips at her neck and along her ear, shushing her every now and then when she gets too loud until she tenses around him.  She clenches her thighs with a strangled keening cry, muffled into his shoulder and behind closed lips.

 

She lays back limp on the seat, eyes opening drowsily to see Rick’s fingers slip from his mouth and she closes her eyes again, groans quietly from the back of her throat and wraps her arms around his neck to pull him down on top of her.  After a moment he pushes up to look at her, eyes searching over her face flushed in the weak white moonlight, bitten-red lips and hair mussed at her temples.  She reaches up and trails a fingertip along his jaw and chin.

 

"I was only the good one because I didn't get caught," she whispers.  She smiles humorlessly, her eyes no longer meeting his.

 

"Nobody's good all the time," he says quietly. He reaches up and strokes the hair at her temple back from her face.

 

She blinks and meets his eyes again, warming up to a smile before lifting her head to kiss to tip of his nose. He closes his eyes and huffs out a laugh then nuzzles down into her neck again, letting himself rest on top of her for another moment.

 

“Don’t have long,” she says softly.

 

“Nope,” he agrees, growling out a raspy groan when he pushes himself up and sits up properly at the other end of the seat.  Beth rights her legs and lifts her hips to pull her underwear and jeans back on then sits up herself and reaches up to redo her ponytail.

 

“Gonna be time to dig up the potatoes soon,” Rick notes absently, scratching at his chin with a thumbnail as he stares out the window toward the fields.

 

“Oh man I miss french fries,” Beth sighs.  “I used to get fries and a chocolate shake so I could dip ‘em.”

 

Rick grimaces.  “Could probably make some decent ones in the ovens outside.  I bet Carol’d know.”

 

“Yeah,” Beth murmurs absently.  She reaches over and brushes the backs of her fingers along his jaw, his beard rasping against her knuckles.  

 

“Think you’re outta luck for milkshakes though.”

 

Beth hums and crawls onto her knees, turning his face to hers and pulling him in for a long wet kiss.  He breaks it and glances out the window quickly.

 

“C’mon,” he murmurs.  “Gotta go.”

 

“See ya,” she chirps as she scoots over to open the rear passenger side door, and he chuckles and leans his head back against the seat, watching as she climbs from the car.

 

He moves over himself, pausing to pick a long blonde hair, glowing in a sliver of moonlight, from the upholstery. He sits back against the seat again, slouches down and scrubs his hands over his face and back through his hair.  

 

The rear driver's side door opens and Daryl slides in.  Rick startles and his hand stutters over the grip of his revolver for a moment before he’s sure who it is.

 

“Shit, Daryl, I didn’t see you.”

 

“Yeah I got that.  Look, I’m pretty sure I got the lay of the land here from what I saw through the window when I went lookin’ for you since you were late for watch.  I’m gonna talk to Beth and then I don’t wanna know shit, alright?”

 

Rick presses the heels of his hands against his eyes.  “Jesus, I’m not- fuck.  Daryl-”

 

“Got somethin’ to say?”  He seems to relent after a moment, and adds, “you know I gotta ask.”

 

Rick shakes his head and sighs, hands dropping to his lap.  “I get it.  This isn’t . . . I swear I never laid a hand on her she didn’t want.  It just started happening.  She takes good care of Judith, and I just-”

 

“Alright,” Daryl says almost warningly.  He stares toward the front seats of the car, then shrugs his shoulders as if to himself.  Rick watches him carefully, picking out the few details of Daryl's expression he can make out in the dark.  “The fuck are you doin’ man?  She’s been jailbait most of the time you’ve known her.”

 

“It isn’t like that.  It didn’t start like this.  She was just there, with the baby.  She was there and I needed that.”

 

Daryl continues, voice tight.  “Anybody else know?”

 

“Maggie saw somethin’ but it wasn’t . . . she doesn’t know anything for sure.”

 

Daryl sighs, a quick exasperated breath through his nose, shakes his head and presses the heel of one hand to his brow.   “If she’s fine, we’re fine.  Get the fuck up in that tower, you’re on watch.”

 

Rick nods.  "Okay," he says hoarsely, and then Daryl’s gone.

 

_____

  


The next morning dawns hot and humid.  Rick is already out in the fields by the time Beth wakes up for a morning at the fences.  On her way outside she gives Judith a kiss on the forehead as she passes by Carol giving the baby her morning bottle.  The shed by the fences is stifling as Beth ties on her apron, gloves and sharpened staff ready and waiting.  The apron ties get snarled into a knot with the ties of her shirt and she tugs at them, not wanting to get stuck in the thing once she's covered in walker splatter later.

 

"Quit slackin' Greene."

 

She startles at Daryl's voice, then motions him over.  "I'm stuck.  Think you can get this untangled?"

 

She rests her hands on the edge of the table as he comes up behind her.  She can hear the snicking of his arrows shifting in their quiver on his back as he starts to work at the knot.  "Run today?" she asks.

 

He nods.  “Strip mall, there’s a medical supply place too.  Might finally find a peg leg for your old man.  You got a list?"

 

"Just baby powder for Judy.  D'you want me to write it down?"

 

"Nah, I'll remember," he says.  “Fence looks light,” he adds, “Ty should be around if you need him though.”

 

“‘Kay.”

 

It's quiet for a long time, just the muffled distant sounds of the birds, the walkers, and end-of-breakfast-time chatter.  Beth feels sweat traveling in droplets down the back of her neck and her temples.

 

“Saw you and Rick in the car last night.”

 

“What?” Beth turns her head but Daryl just keeps his eyes on his hands still working on the knot at her back.  "Daryl . . ."

 

He grunts questioningly.

 

“There’s nothin’- we’re just . . . what do you want me to say?”

 

“Told Rick that I’s gonna talk to you.  That’s what I’m doin’.”

 

“I don’t-”

 

“You okay?”  Daryl taps her side, done with the ties, and backs up as she turns around to face him.  He meets her eyes for a moment before looking away.  Beth’s shoulders loosen and she tilts her head as she watches him for a long moment.

 

“Yeah, Daryl,” she answers.  She waits for his eyes to skitter across hers again.  “I’m okay.  I’m- He didn’t do anything wrong.  I mean, don’t _tell_ anybody.  Nobody knows, it’s just . . . sometimes you have to have somethin’ y’know?”

 

Daryl backs up another step, eyes on the floor again.  He shrugs and focuses on the door standing ajar for a long moment.  "Do what you want," he says quietly before brushing past her.  

 

"I'll get your baby powder," he adds, and the door slams shut behind him.

 

There’s just Beth, one of the men from Woodbury, Adam, and Karen on the fences and since she and Daryl generally kept to themselves Beth works alone, though not as far away from the others as usual.  Beth’s barely aware of their voices as they carry on a conversation, caught in the repetitive aim, stab, yank.  She hardly sees the walkers as she fells them, her mind racing circular tracks of anxiety as she runs over and over everything Daryl had said to her.

 

When the last walker is down Beth staggers back from the fence to wait while Karen and Adam go to round up some help to load up the bodies to burn.  Her limbs feel weightless and leaden both at once, muscles tingling with memory of the last few hours of constant motion and her hands are burning around the tire iron.  She checks but her skin hasn’t torn, just rubbed raw with bits of grit dug into her palms and her fingers reddened and stiff.  She’s more winded than she realized as she worked and the sun seems higher in the sky than it should be.  She startles when Karen calls to her and she hurries over to climb in the silver pickup truck and pull out through the gates and around, keeping watch as the bodies are loaded into the bed and then driving to the burn pile a ways out where the smell won’t reach to the prison.

 

Karen taps her arm once the fire is going, just as they’re piling back into the truck to head back.  “You’re quiet today.  Missing your fence buddy?” she asks with a little grin.

 

Beth forces a half smile in reply and shakes her head.  “Just tired.”

 

Karen raises her eyebrows but doesn’t ask further and the rest of the ride back is quiet.

 

The run team gets back before dinner time and when Beth comes out from getting Judith up from her afternoon nap she sees Dr. S helping Hershel get a prosthetic lower leg and foot fitted.  She pauses when she realizes what’s happening, breath catching in her throat before her feet are carrying her over and she stops next to them.  She smiles down at Dr. S when he looks up, and gives her dad’s shoulder a squeeze.

 

And then her dad is standing, crutchless, and walking, albeit with a pronounced limp.  Beth laughs around the sudden rush of tears pricking at the backs of her eyes, startled and overwhelmed at the sight.  The panic that had flooded through her that morning seems for a moment like it must have happened in another life, removed and strange, and she can feel a near-perfect sense memory of tearing the fabric of Hershel’s pant leg in her sore hands.

 

Her dad limps on two feet, Judith sits against Beth’s hip tugging at her braid and babbling, and as people crowd in a dense half-circle around Hershel she catches sight of Daryl.  He’s standing at the back of the crowd, arms folded and a small proud smile on his face as he watches.  She goes over and reaches up to hug him without warning, and he stiffens even as he hangs an arm in the air at her back.  Beth pulls back and looks up at him, her gaze not wavering even when he won’t meet her eyes.  She sees it when his eyes flick behind her, sees the shuttered discomfort when he pulls his hand back that isn’t his usual eye-rolling at Beth’s occasional outbursts of affection, and realizes without glancing over her shoulder that Daryl was looking at Rick.

 

Beth backs up a step, a deep unnerving twinge in her chest in the midst of what should be as purely happy a moment as they’re likely to get nowadays.  She feels like she’s stumbling even as her feet are still on the floor and when Judith gurgles and squirms on Beth’s hip she wraps her free arm around the baby to steady her.  She looks away from Daryl and tries to collect herself, pulling a smile onto her face when she catches her dad’s eye.

 

“Told’ya I’d be walkin’ before you,” Hershel jokingly taunts Judith even as he sits heavily down on a bench and rubs at his leg.  

 

Beth laughs in surprise, tugged out of her discomfort for a moment.  Rick comes over, chuckling at Hershel, and slides up next to Beth.  His hand lands at her waist and they stand there together, Judith held between them, everyone around them chatting obliviously as Rick’s fingers curl slightly against Beth’s back.  

 

She looks up and gives him a helpless smile around the dregs of tears in the corners of her eyes.  She can tell his laugh from a moment ago had been a little forced, can see the weight of the day in his eyes, but as she looks up at him it lifts and he smiles softly down at her.  The smile reaches his eyes and something breaks and spills warmth all through her chest as he leans down and brushes a kiss over her forehead.

 

_____

  


Beth’s just slipping into sleep, drained and wrung out from the day, when she bolts upright in her bunk.  She’s on her feet and running almost before she’s fully awake, aware only of Judith’s frantic screaming coming from Rick’s cell.  When she pushes through the door Rick has the camp lantern on and is shushing Judith while trying to figure out what’s happened to her.

 

“I don’t know, I don’t know-” he’s saying as he turns to Beth, almost as if he expected her when she pulls on his arm to turn him around and let her see the baby.  She takes Judith from him wordlessly, sits on the bunk and undresses her with shaking hands.  She can see before she even has the diaper off that Judith had developed a bad rash and her recently-filled diaper irritated it enough to wake her.

 

Beth directs Rick to get changing supplies and then a bottle.  It takes a few minutes to get Judith cleaned up, and Beth gives up shushing her in favor of concentrating on slathering her raw red skin with ointment and redressing her quickly.  Rick cleans up and lets Daryl and Carl know everything’s alright when they both appear in the doorway.

 

“Okay honey, come here,” Beth murmurs as she picks the baby up again, tucks her tense little body against her shoulder, and starts to rock her gently and “shhh” into her ear to calm her.    Beth glances up and makes eye contact with Daryl over Rick’s shoulder, and he holds her gaze for just a moment before tapping Carl’s shoulder to turn him to go.  When it’s quiet Rick stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, twisting Judith’s blanket in his hands, his eyes fastened somewhere near Beth’s knees.

 

“Come ‘ere,” Beth whispers, nodding to the space next to her.  Rick sighs and takes the few steps over before slumping on the bunk next to her and leaning forward to press his hands to his face.  “She’s okay,” Beth says quietly.  “Nothin’s wrong, she’s not hurt, she’s okay.”

 

“I know.”  He nods and takes a deep breath.  “That never happened with Carl,” he says hoarsely, hands still over his face.  “I didn’t know what was wrong, she was screaming so hard-”

 

“I know, I know.”  Beth leans her knee against his leg, unable to comfort him any other way with her hands full.  “Come on, you need to hold her now.”

 

Rick holds his arms out and Beth hands Judith over carefully so she’s snuggled with her cheek against Rick’s chest.  “Let her hear your heartbeat,” she says softly, steadying the bottle between her lips as the baby settles in.  

 

Instead of taking the bottle to hold himself Rick reaches over and rests his hand on Beth’s leg just above her knee.  “Still can’t do this without you,” he murmurs, eyes focused on his daughter.

 

Beth sighs and leans into Rick, her temple against his shoulder so she can comfortably reach to hold the bottle.  They sit quietly for a few minutes until Judith’s eyes start to droop, a few tears still pooled underneath.  Rick takes the bottle from Beth so they can extricate from each other as he stands slowly and crosses to Judith’s crib to lay her down.  He gets her settled with her blanket clutched in one hand and when he straightens and turns Beth’s leaned over, elbows resting on her knees and her hands smoothing back over her hair in a show of anxiety.

 

“What do we do about Daryl?” she whispers.

 

Rick only sighs, a slow shrug of exhaustion, in answer.  Beth stands into his space when he comes over to her and brushes her shoulder, and they hesitate briefly before coiling together, arms locked tight around each other as her cheek comes to rest on his chest.  

 

“He’ll keep it quiet,” he murmurs, words muffled against Beth’s hair.  She nods, accepting the reassurance but not feeling it.

 

Rick pulls away and tips her chin up gently after a moment, leaning down to kiss each of her brows softly, the tip of her nose to make her smile, and then her mouth.  They fall into it quickly, her lips parting and hand curving around his jaw as his hands slip down to grip at her hips.  They stumble together when he leans too far over her and he lets go of her to steady them with one of his hands on the frame of the bunk.  He breaks from her mouth and sucks along her neck, responding to her nails dragged along his lower back by rutting against her.  

 

“Shit,” she breathes weakly as his tongue slips along her throat, want slithering through her middle.  “We can’t, we can’t.  Someone will hear.”

 

Rick bows his head against her shoulder, nodding slowly even as he slides his hands up under her shirt.  Beth arches into him briefly before she brushes his hands away and wraps her arms around his neck, letting out a tiny pained groan of a laugh when he stands straight, arms around her waist, so her toes dangle off the floor.

 

“I have to go back to my room,” she mumbles into his shoulder.

 

Rick “mm’s” noncommittally and breathes in deeply against her neck before setting her feet back on the floor and caging her jaw in one hand to pull her into another kiss before pressing his forehead to Beth’s.

 

“‘Night, beautiful,” he whispers.

 

She smiles slightly, eyes closed, adrenaline from the shock of how she’d woken up starting to subside and leaving her shivery.  “G’night honey.”

 

She kisses his mouth softly before pulling away and leaving the cell, pulling the door closed behind her.

 

When she turns to head back to her cell she runs straight into Maggie.

 

_____


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so so so important to me, I hope you all like it as much as I've come to :)

It’s warm and sticky outside, even after midnight.  The air is still, no breeze through the chainlink of the catwalk as they sit down side by side.  They’d come outside from the cellblock silently after Maggie had stood stunned for a moment outside Rick’s cell when Beth emerged with a kiss-swollen mouth and mussed hair.

 

“Beth?  Tell me.”

 

Beth looks down at her hands twisting together in her lap.  “Not sure I know how to talk about it.”

 

"Do we need to talk to Dad?"

 

"No.  Come on you know Rick.  He’d never-"  Beth stares out past the chain link, over the yard, past the guard towers, past the fields beyond and the jagged black of the treeline against the navy blue sky.  “That’s really what you think?”

 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to think,” Maggie grumbles.  She heaves a sigh.  “You know you can tell me right?  Whatever it is, you can tell me all of it.”

 

“I don’t know how to say it without givin’ you the wrong idea.  It was just . . . we got so much closer since he started stayin’ back, and I think we both need . . . we just needed it.”

 

She senses Maggie biting her tongue around a huge bold question mark wondering exactly what “it” entails.  Instead Maggie asks:  “Was it the baby?  Takin’ care of Judy that made you . . . get closer?”

 

“She’s part of it.  I just tried to be there for him, be somebody he could talk to.  And we started gettin’ along.  Feeling . . . it’s nice to be with somebody, y’know?  Nothin’ really feels _good_ anymore.”

 

Silence lingers between them for a few seconds.

 

“Beth?” Maggie presses, “did you sleep with him?”

 

Beth pauses slightly.  “Yes.”

 

Maggie blows out a breath and flexes her hands open and closed in front of her a few times.  “How did . . . when?”

 

Beth’s eyes widen and she tilts her head but she won’t look at Maggie.

 

Maggie pauses and closes her eyes.  “Wow, okay.  How long has it been goin’ on for?”

 

“When you and Glenn and Daryl were gone on that run.  When he went out and found you in the woods.  We kissed that night before you got back.  I was worried and he was there and it . . . it just happened.”

 

“And then you-”

 

“It wasn’t until later.  I didn’t just jump into bed with him.”

 

“No, Bethy.  I’m just tryin’ to understand.  I don’t blame you.”

 

“There’s no one to _blame_ ,” Beth snaps.

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Maggie answers placatingly.  She watches Beth speculatively for a few moments.  “You’re careful?”

 

“‘Course.  Not like we could forget what can happen.”

 

“Had you ever- you and Jimmy?”

 

Beth closes her eyes, frustrated.  “No.”

 

“Oh, _Beth_ -”

 

“Please don’t.  It’s not just _about_ -” she cuts herself off.

 

Maggie sighs and runs her hands over her face again, seeming not to notice Beth’s objection.  “Just can’t get my head around it.”

 

Beth shrugs.  “Guess we’re hiding it well enough then.  ‘Cept when you saw us in his cell.”

 

“Oh,” Maggie realizes, “that was-”

 

“Yeah,” Beth smiles in spite of herself, biting her lip and folding her hands together in her lap.  She’s glad for the darkness, for how it makes it a little easier to explain the extent of things to Maggie while still skirting around some things.  The details, the things she doesn’t know how to say but that feel the most important - the feel of Judith’s soft weight traveling smoothly from Rick’s arms to hers, his tremulous breaths rushing against her neck when she’s got her hands on him, the warmth of his eyes on her from across a room - are lost to her jumbled thoughts in the midst of Maggie’s scrutiny.  

 

Beth shakes her head to clear it and tries to focus.  “Daryl knows,” she says suddenly, the stifling heat and panic of the shed earlier that day hitting her all over again.

 

“How?”

 

“He saw us yesterday.  Talked to Rick about it.  He came and talked to me too.   _That_ was fun.”

 

Maggie joins Beth’s dark chuckle for a moment then goes to speak again but Beth interrupts, her voice small: “I didn’t think anyone would think he’d done something wrong.”

 

“Beth you have to know what this looks like,” Maggie says, incredulous.

 

“What?” she shoots back.  “Say it.”

 

“You’re barely eighteen, he’s twice your age, you’re takin’ care of his baby, his wife’s just gone-”

 

“You make it sound like you don’t even know either of us, like we’re just, just _numbers_.  We’re good for each other-”

 

Maggie shakes her head and presses her fingertips against her closed eyes as she cuts Beth off.  “He was married, he has kids, Beth-”

 

“I know him.  You can act like you suddenly don’t, like you have some reason not to trust him, but we’ve known him for a year and he’s the same person that got us here and risked his neck over and over again so everyone could make it.  If you think just because he’s with me that suddenly makes him selfish or, or wrong-”

 

“I don’t.  I’m not sayin’ any of that.”  Maggie holds her hands up in appeasement until Beth backs down and her shoulders relax a little.  “You care about him a lot,” she notes cautiously.

 

“This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t.”  

 

Maggie tilts her head.  “No, this isn’t like with Jimmy.  Or Todd your freshman year.”

 

Beth glances over at her.  “How could anything be like that now?”

 

They watch each other appraisingly for a few moments before they both look away, Maggie looking down at her hands twisting in her lap before shaking them out and pressing them to her forehead.  “Ohhh this is weird.  It’s Rick, he’s . . . he’s Rick.”

 

Beth rolls her eyes, the tension from before cracking away quickly.  “You’ve got Glenn, you haven’t been lookin’.  It’s not like we have many choices.”

 

“Oh my god, Beth.”  

 

Beth grins to herself briefly before her face falls again.  She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth and shakes her head slowly.  “I don’t want to let go.  Even if people do think there’s something wrong about it.  I don’t think I should have to.”

 

She feels Maggie watching her, taking in Beth’s careful assertion for a moment before her shoulders droop.  “I wish I knew what to say,” Maggie says softly.  She bumps Beth’s shoulder with hers.  “This is the kind of thing we should get to do over pizza and ice cream and bad movies, y’know?”

 

Beth smiles a little and nods before leaning briefly on her sister’s shoulder.

 

“Nothin’s how we thought it’d be is it?” Beth asks.  She looks over at Maggie, meeting her gaze directly through the inky dark night.

 

“No, I guess nothin’ really is,” Maggie answers.

 

“Are you gonna tell Daddy?”

 

“Are _you_?”

 

_____

  
  


Beth tosses and turns in her bunk, not having dared to knock on the door to Rick’s cell even after Maggie had disappeared into hers.  She’s not sure if Rick could have realized Maggie had heard them, or when she would be able to talk - really talk - to him about it the next day.  Daryl’s concern and Maggie’s shock replay over and over in Beth’s head, their questions and suspicions that had seemed so strange at first now pick at the edges of her every thought.

 

She rolls to her back, frustrated and strung out, and tries to quiet her mind but the ever-present hush of breaths echoing off the walls, creaking bunk springs, snoring, coughing, sighing . . . all of it builds to a din until Beth wants to scream, to curl in on herself and cover her ears and run outside into the night and not stop.

 

She wants to slip into Rick’s cell, into his bunk and sink into him, listen to Judith’s small breaths from her crib at their feet and Rick’s heartbeat beneath her cheek and sleep.  But now she questions her sense of comfort at the thought of being near him, and the feeling turns to a lead weight hooked into her heart and dragging down into her gut relentlessly.

 

When she wakes to knocking on the bars of her cell door seemingly minutes later she’s just rolling stiffly up from her bunk when Rick pokes his head in, Judith in his arms.  

 

“Hey,” he whispers with a little smile.  “I gotta get out there, you alright?”

 

Beth looks up at him blearily, squinting at the light streaming in around the curtained doorway.  She nods tiredly and lifts her arms for the baby without a word, but Rick sits next to her gingerly, eyeing her with concern.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Beth grips the edge of the mattress.  “Maggie knows,” she says under her breath.  “She heard us after you put Judith down.  She was right outside your cell when I left.”

 

Rick lets his head drop back for a moment, letting out a long breath.  Beth can tell it would be a string of curses if Judith weren’t currently chewing on his shirt collar.

 

“I don’t think she’s gonna say anything, but she just . . . I tried to explain but I think she still got the wrong idea.”  Beth adds, holding her arms out again and gesturing for the baby.

 

“You sat with that all night?” he murmurs as he gives Judith to her carefully.  He runs a hand over Beth’s hair and she closes her eyes at the contact.

 

“She’ll decide what she thinks,” she tries to shrug it off but he gently tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and then squeezes her shoulder.

 

“Sweetheart-”

 

“Rick I _can’t_ -” Beth looks up at him, exhausted tears threatening at the corners of her eyes, until he relents and nods.  

 

“We’ll find a time to talk,” he promises.  Beth sighs and nods, unconvinced.  “Come out like normal today, okay?”  When she starts to protest he shakes his head and interrupts, “You’ve been bringin’ her out almost every morning since the weather warmed up, there’s no reason not to now.  Your dad’ll be expectin’ you to be keeping an eye on him anyway.”

 

Beth nods again, still hesitant.  Rick presses a kiss to her forehead quickly before getting up and leaving her cell.  His pause at the doorway isn’t lost on Beth, or the way he angles himself out through the narrowest opening he can manage.  She sighs and dips her chin to look at Judith, letting herself feel the baby’s warmth against her chest and close her eyes in release for a few moments.

 

_____

  
  


As Rick passes through the open inner gates at the edge of the yard he slows for a step when he sees Maggie knelt next to the cucumber patch next to Hershel, Carl at the pig pen scattering feed into their trough.

 

“Mornin’,” he greets them as he rounds the corner of the shed.  Maggie barely spares him a glance and Hershel replies without looking up.  “Gotta replace some of this,” Rick says, rattling a loose and crumbling support post on the horse stall, “Maggie, can you give me a hand?”

 

“Sure,” she answers easily, patting her dad’s shoulder as she gets up.  “Take it easy, Daddy, I’ll be back to keep helpin’ with this.”

 

Hershel waves her off, “been gettin’ on fine with one leg, can’t see how two’s gonna make things harder.”

 

Maggie and Rick share a little smile and she rolls her eyes as she walks over.  Once they turn and head up towards the prison her expression settles into a carefully-held neutral.  Rick waits until they’re out of earshot of Hershel and Carl, turning the corner to the walkway at the base of the nearest guard tower.

 

“Beth told me-”

 

“I don’t know what to say to you right now,” Maggie interrupts.

 

Rick nods slowly, watching his feet and hers matching strides as they continue on towards one of the further towers where they store scrap wood.  “Fair enough.”

 

Maggie stops and rounds on him and he stops and faces her too, watching her back placidly as she frowns at him.  “She’s eighteen,” she says flatly.

 

“I know.”

 

“She’s had two boyfriends her whole life.”

 

Rick raises his eyebrows a little but stays quiet while Maggie frowns and seems to struggle to find her next point.  

 

“Lo-” Maggie’s voice dies out in her throat and she looks down.  She brushes at the dirt streaked down her forearms and wrists, already drying caked under her fingernails.  “It hasn’t even been six months,” she finishes, looking back up at him and folding her arms over her stomach, clenching her hands tightly around her bent elbows.  

 

Rick nods and swallows back the tears that rise behind his eyes still, always.  

 

“Lori’s gone,” he says quietly.  “I couldn’t stay where I was when she died.  You know, you saw it, everyone did.  I was no good to Carl, to Judith, to anyone.  But things started to get better.  And when they did, when I could _open my eyes_ again-” he pauses and Maggie looks up sharply, meeting his gaze.  He almost shrugs, helpless, letting the obvious appear in his silence as he swallows roughly again before he continues.

 

“I don’t know if I’m as good for her as she is for me.  But I think she’s happy.  I think I can give her somethin’ good in this . . .” he gestures carelessly, casting a glance from the chainlink surrounding them to the walls of the prison beyond before shaking his head.  He trails off and watches Maggie, drained and apprehensive.

 

She watches him back for a long moment, frowning.  She sighs finally, looks away and swipes quickly at her eyes before clearing her throat.  “I don’t know what my dad’s gonna say.”

 

Rick bows his head and scrubs a hand over the back of his neck.  “‘S that mean you’re plannin’ on telling him?”

 

She shakes her head.  “It’s not my place.  I wasn’t sure at first, when I talked to Beth, if I should or not, but,” she shakes her head to herself before looking back up at him, squinting in the early morning sunlight.  “I’m not keepin’ any secrets, for either of you.  If it’s real you don’t lie about it.”

 

Rick lets out a breath and nods.  Maggie nods back curtly and they turn again towards the tower.

 

They’re half finished replacing the support posts on the shed when Beth comes down the path with a blanket bundled under one arm and Judith on her hip.  She smiles and nods to Hershel and Maggie, eyes flicking to Rick’s for a moment before she drops the blanket to spread it out on the ground.  Carl goes over to help her and once Judith is laid out on her belly he stoops beside her, holding up the edge of the blanket and playing peekaboo with her.  Beth catches Maggie’s eye when she looks up from the scene, smiling, and Maggie squints back, finally smiling slightly through the sun before she goes back to her work.

 

Beth sits quietly with the baby once Carl goes back to work on picking beans, listlessly picking at the grass at the edge of the blanket and picking up Judith’s rattle for her when she drops it.

 

Hershel calling her name snaps her back to the moment suddenly, and when she looks up he’s standing beside her, cane in hand, both feet on the ground.  She squints up at him, reaching up with one hand to shield her eyes from the sun.

 

“You alright honey?” he asks.

 

Beth shrugs and nods, “just couldn’t sleep much last night,” she answers mildly.  

 

“Beth if you need to catch up on rest why don’t we let Carl keep Judy tonight?” Rick asks from the edge of the shed where he and Maggie are taking a brief break for some water.  Maggie and Carl both perk up at that and Rick smiles at Carl and chucks him in the shoulder.  “‘Bout time you get used to doin’ more than just play with her.”

 

Beth protests, “I’m fine, it’s not-”

 

“Bethy you do look tired.  Let Carl take her, he’ll do fine,” Hershel suggests as he leans down to pat her shoulder, squeezing slightly and Beth pauses.  She purposefully avoids Maggie’s eyes.  

 

“I’ll bring her things over to your cell after dinner,” she tells Carl, and he agrees readily at his dad’s encouraging look.

 

That evening Beth pauses, watching Carl carefully cradling Judith as he gives her her last bottle.

 

“Make sure you give her this to hang onto when you lay her down,” Beth picks the little worn blanket out of the small pile of supplies she’d brought to Carl’s cell.

 

“I know,” he answers a little defensively.  “You act like I’ve never even held her before.”

 

“I’m not - I know.  I was just letting you know.”  Beth watches him for a moment as he pointedly looks away from her.  “I have to remind your dad of stuff like that all the time.”  She adds, angling for a smile and getting a small one when Carl glances over from the corner of his eye.  “You’re really good with her, always have been,” Beth adds, smiling fully now as she goes over to take the empty bottle from Carl and watch him sit Judith up and hold her up to his shoulder to burp her.

 

“I have to be, I’m her brother.”

 

“My brother wasn’t,” Beth says, turning to lean against the desk across from the bunk.  She smiles slightly when Carl looks up.  “He _thought_ he was.  He never stopped treatin’ me like a baby.  Mama said it was because when his dad died he told Shawn it was his job to take care of her.  I guess he decided once she and my dad got married and had me I was gonna be his new job.”

 

“That’s good though, that’s how brothers are supposed to be.”

 

Beth folds her arms and shakes her head.  “No, I mean he was really protective.  Mama had the bathwater too hot one time and he heard me cryin’ about it and went around and wrapped all the hot water taps in duct tape so they wouldn’t turn.  Took Daddy forever to get ‘em all undone when he got home.”

 

“Well,” Carl says as he gets up carefully, “we don’t have hot water now anyway so I guess I don’t have to worry.”

 

Beth snorts and Carl smiles.  She pats his arm and slips out of the cell as he goes to the crib to lay Judith down.

 

It’s dark outside when she looks up at the barred windows in the cellblock and when she passes by Rick’s cell he gives a quick “psst” and she pauses.  He catches her eye just long enough to motion with a nod of his head towards the door to the outside and hold both hands up, five fingers on one hand and three on the other: eight o’clock.  Beth nods and heads to her cell, checking her clock when she gets there to see it’s 7:30.  Rick would be going on the first shift of night watch at eight.  

 

Beth sits at her desk with some sewing, absentmindedly reattaching close-to-matching buttons onto a few shirts until she hears Rick talking quietly to Carl for a few moments, then the creak of the outside door in the common room echoes through the cell block.  Beth gathers up the shirts she’s finished and drops them at their various owners’ cells, keeping Tyreese’s for last.  After she drops it off she keeps going and slips through the guard station to the common room, down the stairs and out the door into the warm night.  She follows the outside wall of the prison around until she reaches a shadowed corner between two of the buildings, out of sight of the nearest exits and the guard towers.

 

“Beth,” Rick says quietly from the dark, and Beth slides forward a step carefully, squinting until he comes just into view, the moonlight barely outlining his features.  He reaches out a hand to clasp with hers as she comes to lean against the side of the building facing him.  There’s a long silence, both of them taking deep breaths and finding nothing to say.  Beth bows her head, a sudden rush of fear rattling through her as she tries to pull herself back together to ask what she feels like she has to.

 

“D’you want to stop?”

 

“No,” Rick answers immediately, sounding a little surprised.  “Do you?”

 

Beth shakes her head quickly.  “No.”  Then, “what do we do?  About Maggie and Daryl?”  

 

Rick sighs and pulls her closer, folds her into his chest with his arms wrapped around her shoulders.  She wraps her arms around his waist, clasping her hands together at the small of his back.  “What if everybody thinks we’re doin’ somethin’ wrong?”

 

“Are we?” Rick asks back mildly.

 

“No.  But there’s knowin’ that for yourself and there’s havin’ everybody else you care about think different.”  

 

“If it were Maggie, what would you say?” Rick asks speculatively.  He leans back against the side of the building, tugging Beth with him and they settle their weight together.

 

“Maggie and you?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Somethin’ I need to know about?” she asks dryly.

 

Rick smirks and jostles her in his arms.  “You know what I mean.”

 

Beth tucks her cheek against his chest again and thinks for a moment.  “I would just want to know she was happy and _whoever it was_ , was good to her.”  Rick huffs out a little laugh through his nose at her amendment to his scenario.

 

“Am I good to you?”

 

Beth nods and squeezes him a little tighter.

 

“And are you happy?”

 

Beth stays still for a moment before she tilts her face up to rest her chin against Rick’s collarbone, her nose brushing his chin.  

 

“Do we still get to be happy?” she asks softly.  

 

Rick straightens and reaches up to cradle her face in his hands, holding her back a little to look into her eyes.  “We get to have somethin’ good,” he murmurs.

 

Beth smiles half-heartedly, breaking away from his gaze as he wraps his arms back around her waist.  

 

“Y’know when Maggie told me she saw us sleepin’ in your bunk, she talked about how I always wanted a baby.  My whole life I loved babies.  She got a husband.  I got a baby.”

 

She pauses for a long moment, reaching up and grasping at his sleeves.

 

“You bein’ here, stayin’ back . . . Daddy didn’t do that just for you and Carl.  Daddy and Maggie - Maggie has Glenn y’know?  They’re together and sometimes it’s like they’re separate just the two of them-” she lets go and draws her wrist over the tears suddenly spilling down her cheeks.  “I think he knew I needed to feel like I was in a family again.”

 

“You are,” Rick says, “you always are.  Hey,” he tips her chin up and holds her gaze.  “Nobody says this is done but you and me.  And even if we did, it wouldn’t have to change anything with you and Judith.”

 

She tucks her arms between them, brushing a fingertip through a patch of gray and white hairs in his beard at his chin.  “I would’ve been happy with just Judith.  I would’ve been okay.”  She looks up at him helplessly.  “But now we have this and I don’t want it to go away.”

 

“Then we won’t let it.”  Rick takes a deep breath.  “I’m not saying we call a meeting and make an announcement.  But we could start easing into it.  Stop bein’ so careful about not sittin’ too close at dinner.”

 

Beth smiles wanly and curls her hands against his chest between them.  Rick folds his hands together at her back, arms looped around her comfortably as he slouches against the wall with his feet planted on either side of hers.  She watches him questioningly, keeps her eyes open until the last moment but lets him him pull her in for a kiss and opens her lips for his tongue to slip against hers.

 

“Mm,” she protests after a few moments, “you have watch don’t you?”

 

“I got a few minutes.”

 

“S’ it Daryl?”

 

Rick shakes his head, “Glenn.”

 

“You still shouldn’t be late.”

 

“Come up in a few minutes, after he’s inside.”

 

“I shouldn’t.  Maggie’ll be lookin’ for me.”

 

Rick chews on his bottom lip and nods.  She can see the hesitance in his motion and it tinges the swirling mess of nerves in her belly with desire.

 

“Come by and say goodnight later?” she allows.  

 

Rick nods again, a small grin playing over his mouth as he leans in to kiss her.

 

Later that night Beth startles awake in her bunk and squints into the darkness.

 

“Baby it’s me, it’s okay,” Rick whispers.  He’s kneeling next to her bunk, hand still on her shoulder where he’d gently shaken her awake.

 

Beth lets out a breath in relief.  “Is Judy okay?”

 

“She’s fine, she’s asleep, I just looked in on her.  I’m off watch.”

 

Beth hums as he leans in and kisses her, reaches up and scratches her nails along the back of his neck to make him murmur back into her mouth.  Beth pulls back and pries her eyes back open even though it’s almost impossible to see Rick in the dark cell.  “Baby?” she asks, mimicking his tone.

 

Rick smiles and she can hear the shift of the fabric of his jacket as he shrugs and leans in to kiss her again and then nuzzle the tip of his nose over her cheek.  “Gonna go take a shower,” he whispers right at her ear.

 

Beth nods and yawns, letting her hand fall to Rick’s shoulder as he moves to get up.  She scratches her nails over the material to get his attention.  “Give me five minutes, I’ll come too,” she whispers.

 

She hears the low growl in Rick’s throat as he leans in again, hand grasping firmly at her jaw to tilt her face up so he can kiss her fully.

 

“Five minutes?” he asks, pulling away only to kiss down her chin and along the underside of her jaw toward her ear.

 

Beth nods, trying to contain her gasp at his tongue flicking out at her earlobe.  “You gonna be ready for me, baby?”

 

Rick groans quietly in answer, muffled into her pillow, halfway to crawling over her in her bunk.  “‘m ready for you now.”

 

“Don't forget the sign on the door, just in case,” she adds, gently pushing him away by his shoulders.  Rick sighs as he stands, letting his hand trail down her arm to her hip and giving it a pat before crossing her cell and leaving the door hanging open behind him.

 

Beth sits up and waits a few moments, getting her bearings and running her hands over her face to wake herself up fully.  When she passes by Maggie and Glenn’s cell she hears a light moan and the creak of their bed and moves away, quickly and silently towards the showers.  Rick’s hung the occupied sign on the door - a board crudely engraved with a male symbol on one side and female on the other - like she’d reminded him.  They haven’t gotten to rigging up shower curtains yet so they’ve compromised on at least avoiding anyone being walked in on by someone of the opposite sex.  In the middle of the night of course it’s empty except for Rick.  Beth hears the water start running as she carefully tugs the door open just enough to squeeze through and close it slowly and quietly behind her.

 

She has to round a corner before she sees him, a candle in a glass jar set on the floor outside the spray of the showerhead the only light in the whole space.  It echoes, the water hitting the tiled floor, and she knows he knows she’s there but he doesn’t acknowledge her yet.  His back is to her and he’s leaning with one arm braced against the wall, the water hitting his shoulders and flowing down his back.  Beth watches him as she undresses and tugs the elastic out of her hair to let it fall around her shoulders.  She bundles her clothes up and stashes them behind a pile of folded towels on a table near the door.

 

When she nears and reaches out, slides up behind him and touches her fingertips to his back, he twitches a little and lifts his head to stand straight, catching her hand in his and pulling her around to stand in front of him under the weak spray of water.  He runs his hands through her hair, trailing his fingers down between the strands as they soak through and she closes her eyes and lifts her hands to his shoulders.  

 

“‘s it all quiet?” he asks, voice low and rough.  He’s let his hands follow her hair slicking against her shoulders to touch her in soft meandering trails, rivulets of sensation drawing up goosebumps all down her neck, chest, and stomach.

 

“Yeah,” she answers, pausing to swallow back the little tremor in her voice.  “Glenn and Maggie were awake.”

 

He pauses and she shakes her head.  “Well, y’know,” she adds, and he hums in acknowledgement, the meaning hanging as thick as the water in the air between them.  His hands slow and then still on her, just his fingertips light at her hips and she squeezes at his shoulders.

 

“We deserve this,” she whispers.  “Just as much as them.  Just because . . .” she trails off, her eyes shut against the water pattering down over her forehead.  She steps in closer until they’re touching from chests to hips, his dick already half-hard and nestled against the soft curve of her stomach.  She presses in, uses her grip on his shoulders as leverage to squeeze her body against his and let the water warm with their body heat and make a slick-slide of their skin.  

 

“We don’t deserve to be alone, do we?”  She asks, voice soft and pleading.

 

He hums and leans in to kiss her, tipping her face up with his fingertips under her chin.  The flow of water is slowing to a trickle and Rick walks Beth backwards until her back is against the cool sealed concrete wall.  He leans in close, mouthing at her temple and along her hairline and she brings her arms up to cross loosely around the back of his neck.

 

“Say somethin’,” she murmurs.  

 

He closes his eyes and presses his palms to the wall at either side of her head.  “Don’t do that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Tell me to _say somethin’_.  Don’t-”

 

“Okay,” she interrupts, touching her fingers lightly to his jaw and bringing him in to kiss her again.  “We don’t have to talk,” she whispers softly against his lips.

 

He nods and curves his hands around her head gently and kisses her before sinking down to crouch in front of her.  He draws one of her legs over his shoulder, pausing to mouth along the inside of her knee and suck up the drops of water there before he moves up, cradling her hip with one hand and spreading her open with the fingers of his other, making way between her damp curls for his tongue.  He’s slow about it, at first less concerned with technique than full languorous licks that coat his tongue with the heavy sweet wet of her.  

 

She trails her nails against his scalp at the crown of his head and feels him lean into her touch, clutching her to his mouth and nuzzling in somehow closer.  Her thighs are already slick and spasming against the scruff of his beard as she strains to arch her lower back off the wall and open herself to him further.  She presses with her foot against his back, her hand tightening in his hair, and when she looks down she feels a surge of feral power at the view of him knelt between her legs, his tongue slicking eagerly into her as he lets out desperate little humming moans.

 

Her chest is heaving with every breath and she sags a little against him, already wrung out on the lightning flickering through her middle, and reaches down to brace herself with a hand on his other shoulder, curling around his mouth.  She realizes she’s whispering to him, breathing out filthy demands for - _more, baby don’t stop_ \- with every exhalation.  

 

She’s a shaking mess when she comes, biting at her bottom lip to hold back a sob at the deep twinge of pleasure in her middle and the cool soft relief just afterward that flows over her hot skin from the inside out.  She trembles with it, tears leaking steadily down her cheeks as she crumples into Rick’s lap.

 

“You deserve this,” he murmurs at her ear, his voice rough as the painful heartbeat in her throat.  “You shouldn’t be alone, sweetheart, you-”

 

“Shhh,” she whispers back, shaking her head and caging her hands around his to tip their foreheads together.  “Come on,” she adds, “please,” reaching between them to press her hand to his dick.

 

Rick breaks out of her weak hold to nod and kiss her throat, wincing with effort as he moves to let her lay on the floor and leave her briefly, just long enough to grab for his jeans and retrieve the condom he’d brought back from the guard tower stash after his shift.  The floor is cold and the water is no longer slick on their skin but sticky and already mixing with sweat.  Her legs shake when she wraps them around his waist and her hands are loose at his neck.  She feels weak and wilted beneath him, still trembling with aftershocks as he fucks her gently and pants her own taste into her mouth, and at the end when he bites down on her shoulder and slams into her, her back scrapes along the floor and she winces and holds onto him, startled at the flush of tingles breaking through her thighs and the zip of pleasure up her spine as she comes again.

 

He collapses on her briefly before rolling to the side and they both lay there, bonelessly spread over the unforgiving floor, the flow of water from the showerhead above them long since petered out and the candle sputtering.  

 

“‘M not gonna be able to walk tomorrow,” Rick mutters, reaching up to scrub a hand over his face.  She makes a wordless sound in reply but winces along with him when he moves to stand and his knees crack.  He gives her a hand up and she holds onto his arms to steady herself for a moment, suddenly lightheaded and overwhelmingly exhausted.

 

“Alright?” he asks softly, eyes searching her face.  The candle finally gives up, burnt down to nothing in its jar on the floor.  Beth leans her forehead against his chest.  He curls a hand around the back of her neck, firm and warm through her wet hair, and squeezes soothingly.

 

“I’m okay,” she murmurs, lifting her head to search out his face in the darkness.  “I’m okay,” she repeats, and squeezes once more at the firm corded muscles of his arms before they let go of each other and turn to dry off and get their clothes.  

 

He pauses at the door and pulls her to him gently, lips at her forehead in a slow lingering kiss.  Beth pulls back, holds onto his arms like she had before and looks up at him, takes in the bare details of his face that she can just make out in the dark.

 

“We’ll be okay,” she says, firm and questioning both at once.

 

“We’ll be okay,” he repeats, hands on her arm and the side of her face heavy and sure.  He pauses slightly, a little stutter of something over his eyes, and then he kisses her once more before setting her back a step gently and letting her go.

  
_____


	12. Chapter 12

Beth sighs and kicks a rolling bin filled with laundry ahead of her, pausing to hitch Judith up on her hip.  The bin teeters and spills onto its side, dumping the two full laundry baskets she’d stacked on top and the sheets beneath out over the cracked asphalt.  Beth grimaces and stares down at the mess for a few moments, trying and at first failing to gather the motivation to begin the slow process of picking it all back up one-handed.

 

Beth carefully crouches down to start piling things back into the bin when she sees someone out of the corner of her eye.  “Mind givin’ me a hand if you’re not busy?” she calls.

 

“Sure your boyfriend won’t mind me talking to you?”

 

Beth looks over sharply, “what?”  She recognizes him after a moment: one of the newer guys, Jackson, with near-black eyes and dark brown hair that he’d started buzzing short after he’d arrived weeks ago with his brother.  Beth purses her lips, remembering too how she and Carl had overheard his screaming rant at Maggie about his car.  She gestures to the laundry, “can you just help me with this please?”

 

“Where’s everybody else?” he asks, sounding a little annoyed even as he comes over and squats near Beth to start gathering up clothes and toss them haphazardly back into the bin.

 

“Maggie’s on a run and Carl’s out helpin’ Rick.  My dad’s still getting used to his new leg, he can’t do everything yet.”

 

“Y’know Billy from Decatur had a fake hand before, and Daryl hasn’t brought him a new one.  Guess it pays to be on the council.”

 

Beth eyes him from under her lashes.  “Billy has a prosthetic already.”

 

“Billy has a _hook_ ,” Jackson corrects, making a motion to demonstrate with a pair of women’s underwear hanging from his finger.

 

Beth glares at him until he tosses the underwear into the basket between them.  “The really advanced ones wouldn’t work now without a surgeon to attach them anyway.”

 

Jackson scoffs, then observes Beth through squinted eyes for a moment while she keeps gathering clothes.  “So what is the deal with you and Farmer Fred?” he asks suddenly.

 

“What d’you mean?” Beth replies evenly, keeping to her task.

 

“Like, Hershel’s around and he doesn’t seem like a total creep so you can’t have _too_ many daddy issues,” he says casually.  He stands and picks one of the baskets up to stack it back into the bin, then when Beth stands too he leans forward a little, into her space.  “Were there just no young guys with your group?”

 

“Why would I want a young guy?” Beth asks flatly.  “So he’d be more like you?”  She squints at him through the sunlight and he rolls his eyes a little, subdued.  “I’ll take this now, thank you,” Beth adds, resting her hand on the edge of the bin and rolling it ahead.

 

She hears him mutter something at her back but keeps walking until she gets to where the kids are ready with the washtubs filled.  When all the laundry is hanging on the lines to dry Beth leads the kids inside and sends them to the library for story time with Carol.  When she’s heading back through the common room she sees Rick digging through a stack of tools on a shelf in one corner.  Judith is quiet and drowsy in her arms and Beth leans against the doorway for a moment, letting herself zone out as she watches him.

 

It’s been a week - Beth has been counting the days - since Maggie and Daryl had each discovered them, and she’s caught between relief from the weight of their secret and a stifling loneliness and impatience.   They’ve fallen into an odd limbo; while not trying to hide their affection entirely they don’t have the freedom to sneak off anymore with Maggie unwilling to cover for her with Judith.   Their contact is suddenly reduced to hands lingering on backs, arms pressed together as they sit side by side at meals, and a few breathless kisses in their cells when one brings Judith to the other at the start or end of the day.  

 

The soft heat of Rick’s eyes on her is the same as before but it’s distant compared to his breath on her neck and the strength of his arms holding her so tightly it feels like he’d pull her inside his chest if he could.  It’s the longing at that thought that gives her pause, how willing she would be to curl into him and ignore everything outside his arms.  Suddenly she has less to hide, less to lie about and make excuses for, and she feels like she should feel calmer but she’s stuck replaying their last few moments before she’d left the showers: Rick’s pause and the gentle clasp of his hands on her before they’d parted.

 

Judith squirms in her arms and Beth startles back into the moment, pasting on a smile as she walks over to Rick when he turns and catches her eye.

 

“Hey,” he greets her with a smile, glancing around before he leans in to peck her quickly on the lips.

 

“Everything okay?” she asks, adjusting Judith on her hip.  Rick motions for the baby and Beth hands her over while he nods to the shelves.

 

“Can you find me needlenose pliers and a phillips head screwdriver in there?”

 

Beth smiles and goes to work, glancing over her shoulder at Judith babbling at Rick while he makes faces back at her.  

 

“Y’know that guy Jackson?” she asks casually as she sorts through the tools piled on the shelves.  They’d clearly been dumped there without any attempt at organization and Beth wonders who’d left them that way; Daryl keeps his things neater than that and he’s more often than not the one bringing back hand tools.   

 

“What’d he say?”  Rick asks, his voice suddenly serious.

 

“Called you my boyfriend.  I had Judy outside with me and I dropped a basket of laundry.  He was passin’ by so I asked him to give me a hand, he said you wouldn’t want him talkin’ to me.”

 

“Alright.  I’ll take care of it.”  Rick sighs.  

 

Beth turns to face him, frowning.  “No, you tell me what’s goin’ on,” she insists.  

 

Rick shrugs in exasperation.  “He’s just an asshole.  He said somethin’ crude once, I made sure he regretted it.  I guess he’s thicker skulled than I thought.”

 

Beth nods and goes back to looking for the screwdriver.  “He was kind of a jerk.”

 

“Yeah, that’s why I told you to stay away from him.”

 

Beth turns again, this time with both tools in hand, holding them out to Rick.  She waits until he’s got a hand on them to take them from her before pulling them away again until he looks her in the eyes.  “Don’t go beat anybody up.”

 

Rick half-grins.  “Beth-”

 

“Don’t,” she repeats.  She hands him the tools and holds her hands out for Judith.  “Not for this.  He didn’t say anything that bad to me, and I asked him for help.  I need you, I’ll ask.”

 

“I know you will,” Rick murmurs, patting Judith’s back as she settles happily back into Beth’s arms.  

 

Beth slides a step closer, smiling slightly.  “He asked why I’m not with a younger guy.”

 

“Mm?  What’d you tell him?”

 

She shakes her head and grins up at him.  “There haven’t been any around.”

 

Rick rolls his eyes.  “Gonna kick an old man when he’s down?”

 

“Oh, what are you down about?”  she asks teasingly.

 

Rick motions with the tools, pointing towards the exit door.  “Thinkin’ I’m gonna have to go take on a dumb twenty-somethin’ kid.”

 

“Dooon’t,” she says softly, nudging him with her shoulder.

 

“Yeah, yeah.  I won’t.”  

 

Beth sighs and tips her head against his shoulder.

 

“What’s up?” he asks mildly.

 

“I know we said we wouldn’t call a meeting and make an announcement but it’s soundin’ like a good idea about now.”

 

Rick tilts his head and nods with a sigh.  “Haven’t had much time together lately have we?”

 

“I miss you,” Beth murmurs, lifting her head and holding his gaze for a long moment.  She doesn’t move in to kiss him, and Rick doesn’t either.  His mouth pulls up in a soft smile.

 

The door opens and Maggie comes in with the first haul from the run.  Beth and Rick share a look, Beth pursing her lips around a small smile as Rick brushes the back of his finger over Judith’s cheek.

 

_____

  
  


“She okay?” Beth asks quietly, leaning against the open doorway of Rick’s cell.  

 

It’s the third time she’s heard Judith’s mildly cranky almost-cries since Rick had been supposed to put her down for the night two hours earlier and Beth doesn’t want to stay away for the sake of appearances anymore.

 

“Think so,” Rick answers.  “She doesn’t seem to need anything, just wants to be awake,” he mutters, reaching up with one hand to rub his eyes.  

 

Beth crosses the cell and leans down to flip Judith over and scoot her down so she’s snuggled on her belly with her cheek against Rick’s chest.  Beth sits at the edge of the bunk next to Rick’s hips and he reaches up and catches her hand with one of his.  She turns her hand over in his to thread their fingers together.  It feels easy, even as her heart’s pounding hard and fast, simple and instinctive and good just to hold his hand.  Her own drowsiness catches up with her suddenly, and she sways a little, closes her eyes and hums as she breathes out.  Rick rubs the side of his thumb over hers, back and forth.

 

“Stayin’ out of fights?” she ribs gently.

 

Rick rolls his eyes but smiles.  “No fights,” he confirms.  “It was when you went on that run with Glenn and Daryl, when he said somethin’ the first time.  Thought I was gonna crawl out of my skin all day til you got back anyway.”

 

“I remember.  You ran out and grabbed me like we’d been gone for a year.”

 

“Didn’t know what it was yet,” Rick murmurs, shaking his head slightly.  He looks up at her and squeezes her hand.  She’s gripped with sudden tension when he slowly raises their hands to his mouth and kisses her knuckles.

 

There’s a round of laughter from outside his cell, and Rick closes his eyes for a moment before he dips his chin to see the Judith nodding off on his shoulder.  His eyes flick up to Beth’s and he grins at her, impressed.  She smiles back and scoots off the bunk when Rick levers himself up, smoothly laying Judith down in the crib and waiting while she settles.  Beth folds her arms and watches, charged with heat and anticipation and unable to tear her eyes from the pull of Rick’s t-shirt over the contours of his back.  He straightens and turns, slowly taking the few steps over to stand in front of Beth.  He looks new to her, almost foreign now that she realizes anyone could walk by and see them, see the look on his face when he looks into her eyes as he is now.  

 

“Alright?” he asks, running a hand lightly up and down her arm.  She almost shivers at the contact, heady and overwhelmed with it but she nods and leans into him, ducking her head to tuck against his shoulder as he wraps her up in a hug.  They stand quietly like that, just barely swaying with each breath, and Beth feels herself start to even out, her shoulders loosening again under the weight of Rick’s arms, every inhale against his t-shirt filling her head with the scent of him.

 

“Dad?” Carl asks, standing in the doorway behind them.

 

Beth pulls away, looking over her shoulder and stepping to one side quickly.  Carl frowns at her.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah.  I’m fine.”  Beth swipes a hand over her hair and looks back at Rick, pausing when he reaches out and catches her hand briefly as she edges away.  She returns his quick smile and the squeeze of his fingers before letting go, trailing a “goodnight” softly behind her as she does.

 

She hears Rick ask Carl what’s up and Carl’s question about helping Glenn inventory and restock the stashes of ammo in the guard towers the next day.  She walks to her cell and sits on her bunk for a moment before reaching to pull out her journal and pen.

 

"Hey," Daryl mutters, knocking his knuckles on the bars of Beth's cell.

 

Beth startles and then catches her breath, shaking her head.  “You scared me, I didn’t see you.”

 

He bobs his head in acknowledgement and moves so he's standing fully in her doorway, revealing a garden gnome, complete with a patch of grass and a tree stump all out of paster, tucked under his arm.  Beth smiles and Daryl looks down at the gnome as if he just remembered he has it.

 

"You like shit like this, so," he holds it out awkwardly, not waiting for Beth to cross the cell before he slides in a step and sets it on the corner of her desk.

 

Beth goes and picks up the gnome, a little more detailed and differently painted than the bigger one she'd found on the clothes run with Daryl and Glenn.

 

"I like it, thank you Daryl," she says quietly.  She ignores his shrug in return and continues. quieter.  "Thank you for not saying anythin'."

 

Daryl stiffens slightly, then shrugs again.  "Ain't nobody's business."

 

"No, it isn't," she agrees.  “You and Maggie talk today?”

 

Daryl nods.  “She’s worried ‘bout you is all.  Ain’t the worst thing.”

 

“Yeah,” Beth murmurs absently.  She pauses, brow furrowing as she scrapes her fingernail over a flaw in the paint on the gnome’s sleeve.  “Did you really think Rick was doing somethin’ wrong?  When you first saw us?”

 

Daryl watches her back for a moment, eyes barely visible behind his hair falling over them.  It's still his same penetrating stare and she gets angry at herself for the flush of shame that blooms on her cheeks and across the back of her neck, like she should be explaining herself rather than questioning Daryl about the opinions he’d apparently formed about her relationship.  He shifts on his feet, staring hard at the floor.  After a few moments he lifts his shoulders a little and drops them, not looking up.  

 

“Seen this kinda thing be ugly too many times, I guess.  Kinda people I used to know.”

 

“It’s not,” Beth says.  “Maybe it looks that way, but it’s good.  We - we’re good together.”  She doesn’t step closer, and Daryl doesn’t turn his head but his eyes flick back up to hers and she meets his gaze squarely.

 

“I know.”

 

Beth nods and looks away again, opens her mouth to speak and closes it.  Daryl makes a brief questioning grunt and she almost smiles.  “Did you think . . . would you have thought I was wrong to be with him too?”

 

“What, ‘cause of Lori?”

 

Beth swallows and tries to hold her ground but she feels his words like a shot to the gut.

 

“Nah,” he mutters.  He looks like he’s about to say more but he just tips his head back and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds before straightening from where he’d been leaning against the doorway.  When he eyes her again it feels different, not assessing but acknowledging somehow.  He doesn’t say anything but she feels it like a weight, a burden, his curious acceptance sitting on her shoulders.  

 

Beth looks down for a moment, casting her eyes around and trying to organize her thoughts.  He looks away and shifts from foot to foot, suddenly clearly ready to leave.  She sighs finally and  holds up the gnome, letting them both off the hook.  

 

"Thanks for this, it's nice."

 

Daryl shrugs out another nod and taps the cell bars before stepping back into the shadows.  A moment later she hears his boots thunking up the stairs.

 

She sets the figure down on her desk and drops to the chair with a long exhale.   She looks around the small room, at the papers and pictures she’d pinned up above the desk and around her bunk, bits and pieces she’d collected and the kids had made for her once there were kids to give crayons to and help with shoelaces and remind that their own mothers who’d been taken by this world were not the only ones who could love them.  She wonders if Judith will grow up, will know Beth, will call her by name or by the word she would have used for Lori that Beth can’t bring herself to hear even in her imagination.  

 

She wraps her arms around herself and doubles over at the waist, elbows resting on her knees, head bowed low, and she wants to cry, to _sob_ , for being able to hold Rick’s hand with the door open and Carl standing there not batting an eyelash, for Daryl’s wordless look that had spoken so loudly of trust in her to stand beside Rick as he himself had since the farm.

 

As much as she bristles at the thought of apologizing to anyone for what she and Rick had discovered - the night he kissed her, or before, maybe weeks before that when she’d still been keeping blinders on, carefully ignoring the flaring warmth in her chest at his looks and his touches as they began to linger - realizing that there was a possibility the two of them could be accepted in time as a couple by their knit-together family throws her feelings into a helium-light chaos.  But, she remembers again as she does every time, that’s only a possibility and the world now is not kind to possibilities.  Sometimes she feels guilty, feels foolish hoping for so much.  Hoping for a place worth mourning when they lose it, and that she might get to be with Rick out in the sunlight within their fences for as long as they stand.  Hope and fear war together in her chest, twisting and twining around each other so tightly that it’s hard to tell one from the other.

 

_____

  
  


“Okay baby girl, let’s get you cleaned up,” Beth chirps to Judith as she turns off the tap.  

 

She lowers the baby carefully into the wash bin set under one of the showerheads and filled with a few inches of water.  The spout above drips the last few drops of water onto Judith’s head and she squirms and blinks, flailing her arms out so Beth has to steady her as she sits Judith up at one end of the tub with a folded towel draped over the edge to lean against.  Beth starts singing, a half-hummed version of Time After Time, and Judith babbles along, leaning forward against Beth’s steadying hand on her as Beth drops a washcloth into the water and squeezes some baby wash onto it with her free hand.  

 

Mid-morning sunlight pours into the room through the barred windows set high on the cinderblock walls, and the only sounds are Beth’s voice echoing against the gentle splashing of the water and Judith’s gurgling.

 

“Beth?”

 

She turns and sees Rick standing near the doorway, leaning against the wall.  She smiles and motions him over with a nod.  “Somebody had a little diaper situation after her morning snack.”

 

Rick laughs as he crouches down next to Beth at the side of the washtub and grins at Judith smacking a hand against the water and splashing herself in the face.  Beth smiles and gently runs a hand over the baby’s forehead to wipe away the drops of water about to get in her eyes.  Rick glances towards the doorway before leaning in and kissing Beth’s cheek softly.  She tilts her head, feels the heat spreading under her skin as he brushes her ponytail out of the way and moves to kiss the corner of her jaw and then her neck.

 

“What are you doin’?” she whispers around a smile.

 

Rick hums and pulls back.  “These gloves are shot.  I came in to see if you know of any extras hidden away somewhere.”

 

“Look in the blue bins in the storage room, I think there are a couple more pairs in there,” she tells him, her voice a little strained as she maneuvers Judith to rest over her forearm to wash down the backs of the baby’s chubby legs with the washcloth.

 

“You’re good at this,” Rick says softly.  “I used too much soap.  Made this mountain of bubbles like three feet tall once when Carl was about two, nearly scared him half to death.”

 

Beth laughs along with Rick, “where was Lori?”

 

“I don’t remember but I don’t think Carl would ever let me give him a bath again.”

 

They both quiet as Beth sits Judith up again and runs the washcloth between her little toes.

 

“I miss her,” Beth says quietly, head bowed and turned away.

 

Rick sighs and looks down too, clenching his jaw.  “I know.”

 

“Sorry,” she adds, softly, with a slight shake of her head.  “I shouldn’t-”

 

“It’s alright,” he shifts to sit instead of crouching next to her, and rests his elbows on his bent knees.  “We all lost her, not just me.  She cared about you.  Thought a lot of you.”

 

“I did too.  She was good to me when- at the farm.  And when Daddy got hurt.  I needed that, y’know?”

 

“Yeah.  She was good at that.”

 

“Rick?”  Beth pauses, trailing her fingertips through a puddle of tiny soap bubbles floating on top of the water near Judith’s foot.  “Would she hate me for this?  For us?”

 

“No.  No, she wouldn’t hate you.”  Rick scrubs a hand over his face and reaches out to catch Judith’s little fist bobbing through the air.  The baby gurgles happily and kicks her feet in the water.  “She never believed in soulmates, things like that.  She just . . . just wanted to make it work.  Makin’ the best of things, whatever they were.  She wouldn't hate you.”

 

Beth nods, her forehead furrowed and bottom lip between her teeth.  She forces a smile and swallows, shaking her hair back over her shoulder and leaning up on her knees to heft Judith out of the wash tub.  Rick helps her wrap the baby up in a clean towel so Beth can settle Judith on her lap to dry her off.  Rick lets out a long exhale and Beth meets his eyes smiling for a moment before looking back down to scrub the towel gently over Judith’s hair.

 

“Judy who’s that?” she leans down and whispers in the baby’s ear as she smoothes her hair with one hand.  She points to Rick and repeats, “Daaaddy,” and Judith bounces and smiles in reply.  “You wanna go see Daddy while I get your diaper?”  

 

Rick holds his hands out and Beth holds Judith upright so her feet skim over the floor as Beth bounces her into Rick’s arms and gets up herself to grab the diaper, clothes, and baby powder she’d left on the table by the door.  When she turns back Rick has Judith propped up on his knees so she’s face to face with him and she has two fistfuls of his beard, giggling while they blow spit bubbles at each other.

 

Beth feels a jagged rock of emotion in her throat, a clenching around her heart so tight and present it feels like a fist.  She takes a breath, walks over and sits down again in front of Rick and he tilts his head, now freed from Judith’s grip, and smiles.

 

“I should probably get back out there.”

 

“Okay,” Beth half-smiles and nods and takes Judith back onto her lap.  Rick leans in to kiss the baby’s head before leaning up and over Beth.  He takes her face in his hands gently and kisses both of her eyes when they flutter closed and then her forehead.

 

“Love you,” he murmurs.  Beth blinks, frozen for a moment before she reaches up and holds one of his wrists tightly.  He moves to rest his forehead against hers before dropping his hand slowly from the side of her face, letting her link their hands together as he leans in and kisses her cheek.  “I love you,” he whispers again at her ear, slow and sure.  She squeezes his hand, swallows harshly, and nods, her eyes still closed, fingers tight around his.  Rick exhales and pulls away, releasing her hand slowly as he stands and leaves.

 

Beth wraps her arms around Judith and tucks her face in against the baby’s neck for a moment, breathing in the smell of her soft clean skin.

  
_____


	13. Chapter 13

“You know we should stop callin’ these your mornings off,” Hershel says as Beth kneels beside a row of soybean plants.  “I don’t remember the last time you weren’t out here workin’ on one of ‘em.”

 

Beth shrugs and smiles.  “I like stayin’ busy.  ‘Sides, I thought you could use a hand with Carl out helpin’ Glenn.”

 

Rick leans down and tugs on the braid in Beth’s ponytail as he walks by her and she looks up and grins, catching her dad’s eye as she goes back to work.  She swallows and tries to be subtle about biting back her smile but she knows there’s nothing she can do about the blush that rises over her cheeks.  Hershel gives her a considering look but doesn’t say anything.  

 

Soon the exchange is forgotten; there’s a thick viney growth running through the bean patch that seemed to pop up overnight and has to be picked out from around the stems and then yanked from deep in the ground at the roots.  By the time they’ve got the patch done it’s nearing lunch time and they’re all sweating and flushed.  Rick offers Hershel a hand up, pulling him carefully to his feet.  Beth’s at Hershel’s side offering his cane in a moment but he waves her off and starts hobbling along without it.

 

“Daddy don’t overdo it, you’ve been working all morning.”

 

“I’ve been _sitting_ all morning,” he grumbles.  

 

Beth rolls her eyes at his stubbornness and shadows him all the way up to the tables at the grill until she sees him safely sat and can insist he let her get him a plate.  Rick comes up a few minutes later and they all sit to eat at a table where Carl and Michonne are already talking about the latest comic series they’d been sharing.  Beth winces when she goes for the water jug and pulls her arm back slowly, reaching up to rub at her neck.  Rick picks up the jug instead and fills her glass, glancing over at her.

 

“Sore?”

 

Beth mm’s and gives him a slight reassuring smile but he tilts his head and reaches over, brushing her hand out of the way and squeezing gently along her deltoid muscle, finding it hardened in a spasm.

 

“You’re not gonna be able to lift a napkin like this,” he scolds her gently, getting up from his seat.

 

“Rick it’s fine, it’s not that-”  Beth cuts off when Rick places his hands at the the base of her neck and squeezes again, this time firmer.  Rick works her shoulders back and forth gently, encouraging the tension in them to ease and Beth bites her lip and lets her head bow and her eyes close as he keeps going.  The voices and the metallic clang of their cobbled together camp kit tableware fill the air but she can feel his knowing touch seeping in under her skin, showing her how he remembers the last time he’d done this, weeks and weeks ago before they’d even kissed.  Now she knows he remembers how firmly to knead her muscles and where to press with the tips of his thumbs because he had been paying attention then, before.

 

“Me next,” Sasha says from across the table, startling Beth just slightly, and she and Carol laugh, Carol bouncing Judith on one knee while she eats with her free hand.  Beth can hear the smile in Rick’s voice when he replies,

 

“You weren’t weeding all morning.”

 

And Beth just _knows_ the smile on his face, teasing and cocky, and she can see behind her eyelids the wink he surely shoots Sasha when she glances up and sees Sasha’s incredulous laugh.

 

“Okay, okay, I see how it is,” Sasha says, holding her hands up and chuckling.  

 

Beth closes her eyes again and feels her cheeks redden as Rick starts pressing quick swirling circles into her shoulders with his thumbs, giving her goosebumps.  She sighs into it, wanting suddenly and rashly to tilt her head back and let him kiss her, a ridiculous upside down press of his mouth to hers, thoughtless of what anyone would think.

 

Too soon he’s patting her shoulders lightly, and when she lifts her head she sees Maggie watching with a slight bemused quirk to her lips and raised brows.  Beth lifts her chin and turns her head back and forth, reaching up to press along her loosened muscles and smile politely at Rick as he sits back down next to her.

 

“That’s much better, thank you.”

 

“Anytime,” he says, smiling quickly before tucking back into his lunch.  

 

He squeezes Beth’s knee under the table and she gives his wrist a squeeze back before they both let go.  When they’re done Rick takes Judith from Carol while Beth clears their plates and he meets her as she heads towards the prison, the pair of them pausing alongside Maggie and Glenn when Maggie eyes Beth and pauses her hushed conversation with Glenn.

 

Maggie folds her arms and levels Beth with a meaningful gaze, lifting her chin at Beth and Rick as she tells Glenn, “ask them.”

 

Glenn turns, his expression confused.

 

“Ask us what?” Rick asks mildly, bouncing Judith on his hip easily with one arm.

 

“Uh, I was just saying we’re almost-” Glenn glances back at Maggie, his cheeks darkening, and she raises her eyebrows at him to continue until he turns back.  “We’re almost out of condoms, the ones we were keeping in the guard tower?  But I don’t-”

 

“ _Maggie_ ,” Beth interrupts, clenching her fists and glaring at her sister.  

 

Maggie’s mouth quirks up innocently.  “What?”

 

Rick rolls his eyes around a chagrined smile and catches Judith with his free hand when she nearly wriggles out of his grasp.

 

“What would you guys be doing with condoms though?”

 

“Glenn,” Beth sighs, looking at him meaningfully.  Glenn widens his eyes at her as if he’s waiting for her to continue.  Maggie covers her face with one hand and Beth can hear Rick’s low snort of laughter.

 

“ _Glenn_ ,” Beth repeats, widening her own eyes back.  Judith succeeds in flailing her arm out far enough to grab at Beth’s hair and Beth reaches over to take her from Rick a little distractedly.  Rick, still chuckling under his breath, leans in and presses a slow kiss to Beth’s hair, his arm settling around her waist for a moment.  Beth meets Glenn’s eyes again, this time with a touch of an expectant smile.

 

“. . . wow okay,” Glenn says finally.  “So that’s . . . huh.  When did that . . . start happening?”

 

“Little over a month ago.”

 

His eyes are wide but he smiles slowly at the two of them before catching himself again.  “Wait does everybody know?”

 

Beth bites her lip.  “You can’t tell-”

 

“Aw come on!”

 

“Don’t look at me, she’s the one who told you!” Beth jabs her chin out at Maggie who snorts back.

 

“Like you’re tryin’ all that hard not to get found out.  Massages at lunch, Rick?  Really?”

 

Rick only shrugs, not remotely sheepish.

 

“Just don’t tell Daddy,” Beth cuts in, shooting Rick a look, which he returns with a grin.

 

“You know I can’t keep secrets, especially from your dad,” Glenn says, glowering at Maggie.

 

“Well it’s time you figured out how,” Maggie shoots back.  “We have.”

 

“Yeah, but you’re his daughters.  I’m his son-in-kind-of-law, that’s entirely different.”

 

They reach the prison and Glenn pauses, rolling his shoulders as he turns to hold a hand out to Rick, who takes it with a bemused smile.  “Welcome to the family,” Glenn says soberly.  “Hurt her and I’ll kill you.”

 

Rick grins and returns Glenn’s firm handshake.  Maggie sidles up to Beth, who manages to elbow her even while holding Judith.

 

“Why’d you tell him?”

 

“You’d want to tell Rick, wouldn’t you?”

 

Beth smiles and Maggie shares it, nudging Beth’s shoulder with hers before she and Glenn head back towards the yard, leaving Beth and Rick.  They’re basically alone, even out in the open, and Rick steps closer, smiling at Beth’s overwhelmed but pleased grin.

 

“She’s happy,” Beth says quietly, biting her lip and leaning down to touch her forehead to Judith’s lightly.

 

“ _You’re_ happy,” Rick observes, just above a whisper, moving into Beth’s space and resting his hands lightly on her upper arms.  He leans in and kisses her forehead, solid and gentle all at once, and Beth closes her eyes and breathes out slowly.

 

_____

  
  


A few days later the run team gets back in the afternoon and Tyreese is tossing a football between his hands.  Glenn’s coming through the gates of the inner fences to help unload the car when Tyreese calls to him to go long and sends the football arcing through the air, spinning perfectly.  Tyreese whoops when Glenn catches the ball, Rick and Carl are drawn in from the fields by the sound, and by the time Beth’s tagged along behind the kids who had been drawing with chalk in the courtyard, teams are being chosen for a game in the large grassy area between the inner and outer fences.

 

Tyreese and Daryl end up the captains, and divvy up Rick and Sasha and Maggie and Glenn between them to make two three-man teams.  Carl is elected referee and after playing rock, paper, scissors for the ball they split off into two huddles.  Beth stands at the edge of the action with Judith on her hip and the kids clustered around her, laughing at the antics of the two teams strategizing in between trash talking at each other.

 

When they form up for their first play Maggie shoulders into Sasha’s stomach full speed, taking her to the ground while Glenn narrowly outruns Rick to catch a long pass Daryl somehow manages to make fly around Tyreese’s aggressive blocking.  Carol appears at Beth’s side as they’re setting up for their second play.  They call Luke, Mollie, Mika, and Lizzie out to stand at the ends of the field as goal posts, with Patrick acting as second referee alongside Carl.

 

“Haven’t seen much of you lately,” Carol says mildly, giving Beth a sidelong glance as she watches the game.  Beth shrugs and looks down at Judith, wiping a string of drool off the baby’s chin and then on her own jeans.

 

“Just been busy helpin’ Daddy.”

 

Beth grins back at Rick when he catches her eye as their huddle breaks.  Beth glances back over at Carol and sees the slight smile on her face before she turns back to the game herself.

 

“Where is your dad?”  Carol asks.

 

Beth lifts her chin towards the guard tower.  “On watch, you need him?”

 

“I can talk to him later.  Let me take her for awhile,” she adds, holding her arms out for the baby.  Beth hands her over willingly, and when the next play starts the football comes careening towards them, Carol ducking out of the way while Beth manages to catch it a little awkwardly.  Tyreese comes jogging towards her from center field, shaking his head when she goes to toss the ball back.

 

“Uh uh, come on girl, huddle up.”  Beth rolls her eyes but jogs along behind him, looking over to see Carl already added to the other team.

 

“Okay, Beth, how do we take Daryl out?” Sasha asks, wasting no time as Beth tosses the ball back to Tyreese and leans into the huddle.

 

Beth snorts.  “Try to start a conversation about anything but huntin’ or motorcycles?  He’ll freeze like a popsicle.”

 

Tyreese lets out a belly laugh and Rick doubles over with his hands on his knees, Sasha just offers Beth a high five before calling the other two back over to explain their play.  When time is called on the huddle Beth squares off with Daryl in the middle of the field, Sasha and Maggie to one side and Rick and Glenn on the other.

 

Daryl rolls his eyes and steps back.  “Yo Ty, you wanna rethink this lineup?”

 

“What’sa matter, Daryl, afraid to tackle a girl?”  Sasha ribs, and Beth laughs a little nervously.

 

“You keep laughin’, Princess,” Daryl mutters back, immediately stepping back into formation.  

 

Beth doesn’t miss it when Daryl looks over to Rick before he stares Beth down, eyes squinted and smiling a little at the corners.  When the play is called Beth takes a breath and thinks she’s about to get around Daryl with a fake-out to the left but her step isn’t wide enough and he catches her easily with one shoulder, sending her bouncing backwards to the ground on her butt while Rick wings the ball over all their heads into Tyreese’s waiting hands.  Maggie and Sasha engage in a vicious elbow-jabbing competition as they run after Tyreese in tandem until Sasha trips Maggie, sending them both sprawling while Glenn narrowly manages to jump over their legs but it’s too late and Tyreese spikes the ball in the makeshift endzone, picking up a giggling Mollie and tossing her in the air as a victory dance.

 

Daryl offers Beth a hand, yanking her easily upright.  “See, that wasn’t so bad,” Beth grins breathlessly, nudging his shoulder with hers before sharing a high five with Rick.  Daryl scoffs, a slight grin on his mouth as he cups his hands to call everyone in again.

 

“Let’s change this up!  Got too many pairs on your team,” he adds in a mutter, motioning Sasha and Rick over to his side.  Tyreese laughs and picks Carl and Glenn to switch and both teams huddle up again.

 

Sasha takes Beth down brutally as she intercepts Glenn’s pass in the next play, knocking the wind out of her before taking off with the ball.  Beth lies on the grass on her back for a moment gasping before Rick jogs over, chuckling.  “Gettin’ tired already?”

 

“D’you see that?” Beth asks incredulously, taking Rick’s hands when he offers them to help her up.  “She hits harder than Daryl, you better watch out,” she adds, nudging him in the stomach.

 

“Oh really?”  Rick half-spins her, still holding one of her hands, and tilts his head to look her up and down.  “You got some grass stains there baby, you sure I’m the one should be careful?”

 

Beth looks up at him quickly, still laughing even as she’s a little caught in surprise.  Hershel’s in the guard tower overlooking the field, Carl is somewhere nearby, and Rick’s grin is heated as he holds onto her hand and tugs her a little closer.  Beth’s just beginning to let herself be drawn in when there’s a whistle from outside the gates.  Michonne’s riding up with three walkers tailing her and Beth is caught in a sick deja vu, her muscles twitching to run, but Rick’s hand tightens on hers, his other coming to grip her arm.

 

“Stay,” he says, suddenly serious, pushing her back just slightly even as she starts to strain against his hands.

 

“You too,” she says, clutching at his sleeves when he starts to turn.  “They’ve got it.”  She nods over his shoulder to Glenn and Daryl in a dead sprint toward the gates.  “Stay,” she adds softly.

 

She slips both her hands into his and threads their fingers together, stepping closer while Rick’s gaze flits over to Carl standing several yards away, Maggie’s hands on his shoulders.  Maggie glances at Beth too and gives her a short nod.  Rick closes his eyes for a moment, the sounds of walkers groaning and falling mingling with a few grunts from Glenn and Daryl before the gates are creaking again as they close.  Beth lets out a breath slowly when Rick opens his eyes.  

 

Words catch in her throat, only able to express themselves in the tight grip of her hands in his.  Rick looks down at her, returning the squeeze of her fingers even as his eyes flick up to the guard tower.   Around them the tension starts to crack away; when Rick turns again he sees Carl with Michonne leading the horse to its stall by the shed.  He looks back to Beth and the realization of what her dad is surely seeing is written all over her face.  She blinks a few times, and Rick rubs his thumbs over her knuckles soothingly before she squares her shoulders and lifts her chin.

 

“I’m gonna go talk to him.”

 

Rick nods slowly and lets one of her hands go, holding the other for a moment longer as she backs away a few steps before turning.  She glances up and makes fleeting eye contact with Hershel, standing at the opening where the glass used to be before their first run-ins with Woodbury’s makeshift army.

 

Beth flexes her hands at her sides, heart climbing into her throat as she climbs the stairs of the tower slowly, pushing the trap door open herself.  Hershel’s standing, unmoved, faced away from her and still looking out over the field.  Beth stands still, waiting, as terrified as she is oddly calm.

 

“You and Rick,” he says simply.

 

“Yes,” she answers, watching his posture carefully.  He seems to shrug, his head shaking just slightly back and forth.

 

“I suppose I thought, if anything, you’d develop a crush,” he says after another few moments of silence.  “But you’ve never been prone to that sort of thing.”

 

“It’s more than that,” Beth says, willing her voice to stay even.

 

Hershel turns and looks over his shoulder at her.  She’s startled to realize how much he seems to have aged all at once, how the arms she’d used to lean on without a thought now strain to support his unbalanced weight on the cane at his side.  “He’s said so?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you feel the same way?”  he asks, turning fully.

 

Beth feels her breath catch, one sobbing heartbeat caught in her throat.  “Yes.”

 

Hershel nods slowly, looking around the tower briefly before meeting her gaze again.  “Things could really last here.  Tying yourself down to a grown man with two children-”

 

“This is what I always wanted Daddy,” Beth cuts in, stepping forward.  “As close as I’m gonna get now.”

 

“But to have hope means we have to believe there can be more than this.”  Hershel holds a hand out in front of him, empty.  Beth reaches out and takes it gently.

 

“What more?” she asks.  “We know what’s out there.  No matter how good it gets here there’s nothing we can count on but what’s in front of us.  And I still _have_ hope.  I hope Rick gets to be your age and see his kids grown up and I hope I’m there to see it too.”

 

He searches her face, shaking his head slightly again before sighing and letting her hand go to cup her cheek.  He smiles sadly.  “I wanted you to have somethin’ closer to the way things might’ve been before.”

 

Beth smiles and reaches up and holds his wrist, rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand.  “Daddy.  You know I might’ve ended up bringin’ home a grown man with two kids before, too.”

 

Hershel bursts out in a laugh in spite of himself.  He closes his eyes and nods after a moment.  “Yeah,” he agrees.  Beth laughs up at him and wraps her arms around his middle when he pulls her in.

 

“Be careful Bethy,” he says quietly.  He pulls back and taps just below her collarbone on her left side.  “You’re so strong but we can all still break.”

 

Beth pulls back and wraps her hand around her dad’s and kisses the back of it, smiling up at him.  “I healed,” she says softly.  “And so is he.”

 

Hershel smiles back, bemused, and Beth squeezes his hand before she pulls away and heads back towards the stairs of the tower.  When she gets to the base and out the door Rick’s waiting for her, leaned against the side.  She grins at his barely concealed nervousness and goes over to him, reaching out to press his shoulders back to the wall and go up on her tip toes to kiss him.  Rick smiles in surprise and a little confusion and Beth grins wider, takes his face in her hands and pulls him down this time to kiss her again, slow and soft.  

 

They’re mostly concealed on this side of the tower; Rick had been waiting where he knew he was least likely to be seen, blocked from the view of the fields by the cars so that now they’d only be visible by anyone crossing through the inner fences going to or from the cellblocks.

 

“Went well?” he manages to get out between kisses.  Beth nods and pulls him in again, this time to tip his forehead to hers, her hands petting restlessly down his neck and shoulders.

 

“I feel so much better,” she murmurs, and folds herself against his chest, sighing contentedly when his arms wrap around her.

 

_____

  
  


The next morning is quiet and sunny; Beth gets up early to see Maggie off on the run and then picks up Judith from Carl so he can get to work with Rick and Hershel outside.  She helps the kids as they water the potted plants and wash the dishes from breakfast, then rounds up some spare lengths of rope from one of the sheds filled with random odds and ends and sets them up in a jump rope tournament.  By the time Mika has been named the winner it’s time to get the kids inside for story time with Carol and put Judith down for her morning nap.  Karen had offered to help Beth with clothing repair as they’d added more and more people and they sit at one of the tables in the common area while Judith sleeps.

 

“I heard a rumour,” Karen starts, and Beth startles and stabs herself in the finger with her needle.  Karen watches her amusedly as Beth sucks the speck of blood away and goes back to her work.

 

Beth raises her eyebrows but keeps her head down.

 

“I heard a rumour,” Karen starts again.

 

“ _I_ heard a rumour you were checkin’ out Tyreese at the football game,” Beth interrupts.

 

Karen raises her eyebrows back when Beth looks up at her, and grins.  “Well he was a real live Atlanta Falcon, wasn’t he?”

 

Beth smiles back.  “Yeah, for a season, right?  So?”

 

Karen wrinkles her nose, still grinning.  “If you tell anybody, you can find yourself a new sewing buddy, but . . . I was a cheerleader.”

 

“So was I, in junior high.”

 

“I was a cheerleader in college,” Karen mutters.  “And the crossover between the cheerleading squad and the first year law students consisted of just me.”

 

“So what?” Beth laughs.

 

“You were only a cheerleader in junior high?  So when you got into high school you quit and you could remake yourself so by the time you would have gotten to college people would actually take you seriously.”

 

“Daddy wouldn’t let me try out my freshman year,” Beth says.  “He said it was time to be serious about my studies.  Lotta good that did me.”

 

“Well there you have it,” Karen sighs.  “None of that gets you out of what I was going to ask earlier,” she adds.

 

Beth sighs.  “What rumour did you hear?”

 

“I heard Daryl brought you back a special present from his last run,” Karen says, nearly giggling.

 

Beth snorts, laughing for a moment before she composes herself.  “He did,” she says seriously.  “A garden gnome.  It’s an inside joke,” she adds, catching Karen’s eye and giving her a meaningful look.

 

Karen tsks teasingly and shakes her head.  “Gotta watch out for those taciturn types.  They’re not all looking for someone to light up their lives.”

 

Beth tilts her head a little, pursing her lips firmly around a smile before she looks back to her work again.  Silence falls over them and Karen doesn’t press further.  Soon they’re done with the pile of clothes and shoes, Karen is heading for the library, and Judith is starting to whimper from her crib in Rick’s cell.

 

“Alright Judy girl, I’m here.”

 

Beth gets a clean diaper, wipes, and powder from Rick’s desk and leans over the crib to change the baby, humming a little nonsense tune as she works.  She wraps up the dirty diaper and resnaps Judith’s onesie, high-fiving her outstretched hands to make her giggle.

 

Beth leans over the crib and picks Judith up, gets her sat on her hip, and is just turning to go when two of the windows high on the walls opposite the cells shatter and a series of piercing cracks sounds through the cellblock.  Chunks of concrete explode from the walls and ricochets bounce off the railings, the odd pinging sound mixing with the tinkle of broken glass raining to the floor.

 

Beth’s ears are ringing and she feels a wordless yell rip from her throat as she spins so her back is to the doorway and covers Judith’s head with her hand.  There’s a sound of gunfire, this time distant, from outside, and Beth ducks down and crawls to the corner of the cell.  Judith is already wailing and Beth curls around her and tucks as close to the wall as she can with the desk between them and doorway.

 

“Beth?!  Is the baby okay?”  Tyreese calls from upstairs.

 

“We’re down here!” she yells back.  She looks down at Judith quickly, checks her own hands for blood and sees nothing.  “We’re okay!”

 

“Beth?” Glenn runs in, hunched down with his pistol in one hand, keys in the other.  

 

“We’re okay, what was that?!”  

 

“I don’t know, I gotta get out there.”

 

“I’ll back you up,” Tyreese nods to Glenn from where he’s crouched outside the cell door.  Glenn purses his lips and glances between Beth and the broken windows.

 

“No, you stay here with them, I’ll go out.”

 

Tyreese starts to protest but Glenn tosses him the keys as he ducks out of the cell.  “I’m a smaller target!” he calls over his shoulder.

 

“Glenn!” Beth yells after him, but Tyreese shushes her before he disappears, running to the barred cellblock door to pull it shut and lock it behind Glenn.  He’s back in the cell a second later and takes a knee in front of her, giving Judith a once over before he sets aim on the doorway.  

 

They wait.

 

_____

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the second to last one! It took a long time to be ready and I'm not sure I'm ready to let it go yet.

It’s silent inside and out, has been since Glenn ran out moments earlier, and Beth’s heart pounds heavy and painful in her ears.  They’re still crowded into the corner of the cell with Tyreese like another wall between them and the door and Beth’s knees ache from how she’s crouched with Judith crammed against her and she adjusts her hold on the baby, just starting to quiet as Beth shushes and hums to her.  She’s acutely aware of the dig of the waistband of her jeans into her skin, annoyed by the sweat simmering on the back of her neck, an airless numb sensation of tunnel-vision descending on her the longer they wait.    

 

“Who would shoot into the cellblocks like that?”  she whispers.  Tyreese glances over at her and they share a look of dread.

 

“We’ll deal with it,” Tyreese whispers back.

 

“How could he still even be out there after all this time?  With Daryl and Michonne out lookin’?” she presses.

 

Tyreese closes his eyes and adjusts his hold on his pistol.  “You got your gun?”

 

“No, it’s in my cell.  I’ve got my knife on my belt.”

 

“Okay.” He grits his teeth.  “I’ll get you two out safe.”

 

Beth blows a breath out slowly, blinking as she tips her head back against the wall.  She doesn’t feel calm.  She doesn’t feel serene or stoic or any of the things she realizes she’d always associated with the kind of strength she thought she might develop. “It’s okay Judy, we’re okay,” she murmurs.

 

It’s quiet, still, but the heat and the tension buzz in Beth’s ears like a swarm of bees and it makes her dizzy.  She looks up at Tyreese but he’s focused on the doorway, hands fisted too tightly around the grip of his pistol.  Beth zones out a little, her mind ticking somehow calmly through the routes they could take to get out, the exits least likely to run them into whatever army could be waiting outside.

 

It’s a sudden realization that nonetheless feels obvious, feels as slow and heavy as the planet turning, rolling her beneath it.  She’ll die for Judith.  Mothers die for their children and she will as well, whether it’s today or not.

 

_____

  
  


It’s sunny out, cloudless, and the light is piercing and harsh over the prison yard.  Rick and Michonne share a look as the pickup truck Maggie, David, and James had taken for the morning’s scouting run pulls through the gates and up the drive.  By the time they have the gates closed up Maggie is already climbing the steps of the tower where Jackson is on watch while David parks the truck.

 

Maggie pushes up the trapdoor and shuts it carefully once she’s climbed through.

 

“Where’s my brother?”  Jackson asks slowly.

 

She leans against the wall of the tower slightly and takes a deep breath.  “I’m sorry, he got bit.  He ended it himself, it was quick.”

 

Jackson stands still, wiry frame clenched tight from his shoulders to his hands white-knuckled around the automatic rifle in his hands.  “ _Where’s my brother_ ,” he repeats, the words strangled as tears build in his eyes.

 

“We couldn’t get to him to bring him back, I’m so sorry-”

 

“You people!”  He roars, “You people took everything!” He starts to pace, and Maggie backs further into the corner of the tower near the door.  Jackson rounds suddenly, rifle held up, and a stream of bullets explodes from the barrel, firing out the blown-out wall of the tower and towards the prison.

 

Maggie screams and runs at Jackson, dragging the rifle to aim upwards.  They both grip the rifle and stumble together, Maggie with her back to the opening in the tower wall until Jackson trips and his weight sends them careening into the corner.  Maggie gets her footing and shoves him off of her, barely catching herself in the momentum as Jackson stumbles backward, taking out a section of the patched-together wall with him as he falls.  A second later she hears his body hit the ground with a sickening crunch and the clatter and scrape of the rifle on the asphalt.

 

“Carl get in the shed!” Rick yells as he runs toward the tower, Michonne pulling ahead of him to round the tower and check on Jackson.  Rick yanks open the door and Maggie’s right there, stumbling slightly and collapsing against him as he meets her.

 

“You alright?  Are you hurt?”

 

“I told him about his brother and he just went crazy, I was tryin’ to get the rifle away from him and-”

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, come on,” Rick wraps an arm around her shoulders and leads her with him out the tower door and pulls her into a hug once they’re outside in the sunlight.  He catches Michonne’s eye over Maggie’s shoulder and she shakes her head from where she’s standing over Jackson’s body, the rifle in one hand and her katana in the other.  She flicks blood off the end of the blade before she resheaths it.

 

“Rick,” Maggie, says breaking out of his hold to grasp at his arms, “He shot toward the cellblocks, is anyone-”

 

In a split second Rick and Michonne are both running full speed toward the prison, Maggie lagging just behind them.  Michonne tosses the rifle to Rick and he catches it without slowing just before a form edges around a corner coming at them and Rick slows to take aim.  Glenn yells out, holding up a hand.  

 

“Are we okay out here?!”

 

“We’re okay, what about Judith and Beth?”

 

“They’re in the cellblock, Tyreese is with them-”

 

Rick breaks into a run again, vaguely aware of Michonne behind him starting to explain what happened to Glenn as Maggie catches up to them.  

 

_____

  
  


Judith whimpers, her calm short-lived clutched against Beth’s chest, both of them sweating in the cell’s eerie stillness.

 

“Glenn should have found something out by now,” Beth murmurs.  She looks down at Judith, her face so close that Beth can count her thread-like eyelashes against her plump cheeks.  

 

“We gotta wait,” Tyreese says, shaking his head slightly.  “We just gotta wait until we know.”

 

_I already know_ , she thinks.

 

It’s a well of history with walls spiraling deep into the core of Beth’s life, that mothers die for their children - Beth, born of Josephine’s death as much as Annette’s revitalizing love for Hershel and the family they stitched together around Maggie, Shawn, and themselves with her as the thread.  Beth, saved from the gripping jaws of her own mind trying to carry her back to Annette’s rotted arms by Lori stubbornly prying open doors to let in sunlight, let in Maggie, let out Beth’s muffled cries.  Beth, made into a mother herself when Lori lay cut open and bled-out on a boiler room floor while the infant she’d killed herself for was tugged free of her body and delivered into Beth’s arms - and Beth would die for Judith, would commit her to someone else’s arms, ripping up Rick’s family again in the process, as long as it meant Judith could go on.

 

Her heart clenches painfully in her chest once, twice, before seeming to release, beating fast and hard and ready.  She doesn’t feel okay about dying, about the bullets that will rip through her and take her away, but she’ll keep Judith alive.  It’s how the world works even now, as it has all of Beth’s life.

 

“We can’t wait too long if we have to get out,” Beth starts, but she’s cut off by scuffling at the doors to the common area off the cellblock.  

 

The door slams open, a hoarse voice yelling against the screeching groan of the hinge, and they both tense, Beth trying again to quiet Judith until she hears the voice again, and recognizes it.

 

_____

  
  


He’s yelling her name as soon as he shoves the doors open, nearly tripping down the stairs before he tears across the common area and slams to a stop against the locked bars that lead to the cellblock.

 

Tyreese appears from the doorway of Rick’s cell, gun raised until he sees Rick and then he jogs over to the door, keys in hand, as Rick jerks at the bars a few times ineffectually.  

 

Beth emerges from the cell with Judith, the baby red-faced and crying as Beth moves forward slowly on shaky legs, and Rick drops the rifle carefully to the ground at his feet as he nears them, reaching out to pull them both into his arms.

 

“Thank god,” he breathes, eyes closed as he cradles Judith’s head in one hand and wraps his other arm around Beth’s waist.  She leans into him and fists one hand in the fabric of his shirt at his side, lets out a choked sob against his shoulder.  Rick pulls back only to cup her cheek in one hand and tilt her face up so she’ll look at him.  Her eyes are wide and almost blank until she focuses on Rick, her fingers clenching and unclenching in his shirt and after a moment she nods slowly, her expression frozen in shock.

 

“She’s okay, she’s not hurt,” she murmurs.

 

“Are you alright?” Rick asks.

 

“I’m okay,” she answers, nodding more firmly.  She reaches up to hold his wrist and a slow smile blooms on her face, determined more than happy.  “I’m here.”  

 

Rick swallows audibly and squeezes Beth’s shoulder, almost too rough.  He bows his head to kiss Judith’s hair and Beth wraps her free arm around his neck, pulling him close again, feeling the frantic energy start to drain out of him as he leans in low to tuck his forehead against the side of her neck.  Beth slides her fingers into his hair at the nape of his neck and his arm locks around her waist, tight and heavy barring her against his chest.  From the corner of her eye she can see Judith twisted in her arms, leaned against Rick’s chest and gnawing on the flap of Rick’s shirt pocket and she smiles, a breathy disbelieving laugh falling from her lips before she shuts her eyes tight against a rush of tears.

 

She feels Rick’s mouth against her neck, brushing and then resting there rather than really kissing, and he inhales against her skin.  She squeezes the back of his neck, pulling away slightly as voices start to fill the cellblock.  Beth looks up and locks eyes with Hershel for a moment as he and Tyreese come through the cellblock doors.

 

“I’m okay Daddy,” Beth says automatically, pulling away from Rick as he takes Judith from her, meeting Hershel halfway to hug him tightly.

 

“What happened? Glenn went out there is he okay?” she asks, looking back at Rick as she folds her arms across her stomach.

 

“It was Jackson,” Hershel answers.  “He was on watch in the tower.  His brother died on the run this morning, Maggie went up to tell him-”

 

“Maggie?” Beth interrupts.

 

“She’s fine, she’s just shaken up,” he explains.  

 

“She was in the tower when he shot,” Rick adds.  “She got the gun away from him and he fell.  I saw her, she’s not hurt.”  He reaches out and clasps her shoulder and Beth sighs again in relief, wrapping a hand around his wrist and drifting closer to him again.

 

“Is he-?” she asks, glancing from Rick to Hershel, and Hershel nods once solemnly.  Beth takes a shaky breath in.  “I should go see her.  Do you need me to-?” she motions to take Judith and Rick shakes his head.

 

“I’ve got her, you go ahead.”

 

“She should be inside in just a minute,” Carol says as she comes over from where she’d been looking at the windows when she entered the cellblock a moment before, “Glenn too.  Has anybody seen Daryl?”

 

“He went out the same time we did to hunt,” Maggie answers as she, Glenn, and Michonne come into the cell block trailed by Carl.  He hurries over to Rick and Judith and Beth breaks away to meet Maggie, hugging her tightly.

 

“I’ll find Sasha,” Tyreese says quietly, nodding to Carol as he passes by.  Beth pulls away from Maggie to grasp at his arm as he passes and he smiles and pulls her into a brief one-armed hug before making his way outside to find his sister.

 

Beth keeps her arm around Maggie’s waist as her gaze falls over the group of them; Glenn and Michonne already starting to sweep up the glass, Hershel and Carol talking quietly as they look up at the barred window openings, and Carl holding Judith with Rick at his side, a hand laid on each of them while his eyes are turned to Beth.

 

_____

  
  


Lunch is subdued after the Council gathers everyone outside to explain briefly what had happened that morning.  When Carol gently takes Judith from her arms, promising to bring her back for Beth to give her a bottle later, Beth goes to find Carl in the common area off of cellblock B, where most of the Woodbury newcomers had settled in.  He’s knelt on the floor putting together grave markers: two crude crosses nailed together out of scrap wood.  She watches from the doorway the careful way he works for a few moments.

 

“Hey,” she starts.

 

He glances at her over his shoulder before going back to his task.  Beth walks further into the room and leans against the shelves that line one of the walls, piled with tools and scraps of building materials.

 

“Today was scary,” she says quietly.

 

Carl squints up at her for a long moment before pointedly going back to his task.  “I’m not a kid,” he says evenly.

 

“I know.”

 

“I’m not _your_ kid,” he adds under his breath.

 

Beth stiffens at Carl’s muttered words, her mouth dropping open slightly to answer, but before she can Carl’s shoulders drop and he leans back on his heels.  He stands and reaches into one of his pockets.  

 

“This was in Dad’s cell,” he says, holding out an uneven length of black cording, half-unraveled, knotted together with a thin silver chain strung with two small heart charms.

 

“You fixed it?” Beth asks as she reaches out tentatively.  He nods silently and watches Beth take the necklace and inspect the cord briefly before she slips it over her head.  

 

“Thank you.  Must’ve broken when I was in there before with Judy,” she murmurs, looking up at Carl as she lays her fingertips over the charms resting on her chest.  She sees the slight roll of his eyes, and even though it’s not a lie she bites her lip.

 

This isn’t what she’d come to talk about, not by a mile; she was sure enough that Rick had forced Carl into the shed while he ran inside, that Carl had been stuck and hidden like she had been, maybe alone, listening to gunshots and screaming.  But she can tell from the hard line of his mouth and the dark flush on his still-round cheeks that that’s not what he’s thinking about.  She starts cautiously, feeling a blush start on her own cheeks and crawl down her neck.

 

“Carl . . . me and your dad-”

 

“I know.”

 

She stops short and watches Carl as he swallows uncomfortably.  

 

“It’s . . . whatever.  It doesn’t really have anything to do with me.”

 

Carl kneels again and goes back to the grave markers.  They’re both clearly finished, but he pretends they’re not, picking at the jagged edges of the wood.

 

“He wants-” she starts, but he interrupts her.

 

“Don’t get in the middle of me and him, okay?  You’re already in the middle of him and Judith with whatever you guys-” he waves his hands vaguely and she purses her lips.  “So just,” he continues, then trails off, shaking his head and hunching his shoulders a little.

 

“Okay,” she nods at her feet, accepting all his half-sentences for what she understands them to mean.  

 

“I have to take these out there,” he mutters, gathering up the crosses and brushing past her towards the outside door.  

 

Beth crosses her arms and fingers the hearts strung around her neck nervously, trying to keep herself from tugging too hard.

 

_____

  
  


Out in the yard beyond the inner set of fences, across the driveway from the gardens Daryl and Rick work silently, each filling in the open grave at their feet from the mound of dirt they’d dug up to put Jackson’s body in the ground.

 

Daryl jabs his shovel into the dirt with a grunt each time, and Rick pauses when they’re almost done.

 

“Maggie’s fine,” he says.

 

Daryl ignores him.

 

“Can’t be here all the time, man.  None of us-”

 

“I know.”

 

“Beth okay?” Daryl asks Rick, not looking up.  “The kids?”

 

“Yeah.  Yeah they’re okay.”

 

Daryl stands back, hand fisted around the end of the shovel handle and worrying it anxiously while he chews on his lip.

 

“Your family, that’s what you’re here for.  What you stayed back for.  I’m out there pretendin’ I’m still trackin’ a trail went cold a month ago.  Nothin’ I can do about it, Michonne either.  Shit like this . . . shoulda been here.  Shoulda been here for mine.”

 

“You were huntin’ deer, not the Governor.  We always gotta eat, Daryl.”

 

“Yeah.  I coulda been huntin’ deer instead last time I went out lookin’ for that asshole.  Coulda been with Maggie on that run.  Coulda been in that tower, coulda been inside with Beth, the baby.”

 

He looks up at Rick, who’s stopped shoveling too and faces him.

 

“I never wanted,” Daryl looks away and shakes his head.  “Never wanted what you had, what other people had.  Not like that.  I got more than I ever did, now.  Feels like I’m wastin’ it, out lookin’ for a ghost.”

 

He locks eyes with Rick again.

 

“He killed my brother.  I don’t even wanna go find him.  Long as he doesn’t come back here.  Just wanna be here.  Make this work.  Just be here.”

 

Daryl goes back to shoveling unceremoniously, leaving Rick to stand still for another moment before he catches up and joins him, and they work together until the grave is filled and the dirt is packed and mounded.  They stand at the head of the grave when they’re done, silence heavy over them even as they’re each slightly winded from the exertion of it.

 

“Didn’t want it to be Maggie.  But I’m not sorry he’s in the ground,” Rick says quietly.  He shakes his head and pulls his gloves off.  Daryl tilts his head in agreement, pausing a moment longer before he turns to go.

 

Rick lets Daryl go, lets him turn and lope away with both shovels in his hands while Rick turns away from Jackson’s fresh grave.  He takes the several steps over to Lori’s, the handmade cross marker stuck a little crookedly in the ground.  After a moment he sits, half-collapsing, next to the grave facing the marker and reaches out to run his fingertips over the rough crumbling wood.  He sits for a long time in the quiet, letting the sun slip lower and the breeze wick away the sweat gathered on his brow and the back of his neck.  

 

_____

  
  


Beth goes back to her cell, aware she has an hour or so until Carol will drop Judith off.  Routines have all been thrown off for the day and as Beth sits on her bunk, hands still on her lap, she lets herself breathe for a moment before she leans down and picks up her notebook from under her pillow.  

 

She doesn’t know how much time passes as her pen flies over the page, her writing spilling out sloppily.  She sits up and stares down at the page, at her own looping scrawled handwriting telling the pressure and the feeling built up behind her words.

 

_____

 

“I made these,” Carl says quietly, coming to stand next to Rick where he still sits at Lori’s grave.  Carl holds up the two crosses for Jackson’s grave and the empty space next to it for James.  Rick nods and motions for Carl to sit next to him.  After a moment of hesitance he does.  They both sit for a long moment, regarding the cross quietly.

 

“Mom used to go to Grandpa’s grave,” Carl says.

 

Rick looks over, waiting for Carl to continue.  “She’d just go and sit, like this.  She took me with a couple times.  I think she thought I didn’t know what it meant.  I think I was like three or four.  She didn’t cry, or talk to him.  I kind of thought it was like going to the library.  Like you weren’t allowed to talk.”

 

Rick smiles.

 

_____

  
  


Carol knocks on the bars of her cell door and Beth calls her in, standing and smiling when Carol slips in with Judith whimpering tiredly in her arms.

 

“She’s ready,” Carol says softly, smiling as she hands Judith over to Beth.  Judith snuggles in on Beth’s shoulder immediately, and lets out a big sigh as she settles.  Beth pats her back and catches Carol’s eye, smiling.  Carol just watches her for a moment, her smile tightening as her brow furrows briefly.  She reaches out and clasps Beth’s free hand in her own, squeezing tightly.  “‘S good to see,” she says softly.

 

Beth squeezes Carol’s hand, caught without a word to say back.  Carol releases her hand and reaches to touch Judith’s back gently before she turns and leaves the cell, pulling the door mostly shut behind her.  

 

_____

  
  


“I heard her on the phone once,” Carl says.  “She was talking to Grandma, they were fighting about something.  She said it was like Grandma never knew Grandpa.  Like she acted like once he died he never existed.  Like she had this whole new life.”

 

Rick brow furrows and he waits a moment, lets the silence hang before he clears his throat softly.  

 

“You can have decades with somebody and it isn’t enough.  It isn’t . . . it’s not enough.  Not once they’re gone.  We don’t get new lives.  Never did.  Barely get one anymore.    But Carl, with everything, _everything_ that’s happened, I wouldn’t trade mine.  I wouldn’t trade you or Judith, or Mom, for anything.”

 

Carl looks up and meets his eyes.  “Or Beth.”

 

Rick nods slowly.  “Or Beth.”

 

The sky is colored orange and pink and pale icy blue by the time Rick gets up, Carl having already gone in ahead of him, and he staggers slightly.  He doesn’t really know how long it’s been that he sat there, but it must be dinnertime now.  He kisses his fingertips and brushes them over the cross again.

 

“Goodnight sweetheart.”

 

_____

  
  


Beth glances at Judith’s crib when she turns and instead settles on her bunk again with Judith in her arms, nestled against her chest as she falls asleep.  Beth closes her eyes and feels her heartbeat speed up, something solid and huge becoming concrete in her thoughts continued from her writing.

 

Beth’s been sewing scraps into comfort her whole life, has come to wear the tight scar-seams on her skin and her heart naturally, leaning into the stretch and groan of them until she forgets sometimes that people have full-blood families and think that means something different.  She never would have existed without a tragedy, a loss, a mother dead and a daughter mourning.  There doesn’t seem to be any other family she could have found that would have fit her, that could have held her, like Rick and Carl and Judith.

 

It’s what she’d been afraid of with Rick, what had kept her skirting around the truth of what she feels for him until it looms so large and bright and warm in front of her that her tongue burns with it.  She loves him, she’s in love with him, and when one of them dies . . . when it happens the places they occupy within each other will be empty and aching and they will hurt and rage and _do it anyway_.  She can’t divide the two facts in her mind and she’s glad of that, because without a life that means constant fear and danger she wouldn’t have him.

 

It’s what they do, it’s who they are, all of them - love, and loss, and living, until it’s over.  

 

Today she is everything.  Today she is alive.

 

_____

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second to the last chapter! I had planned out how it would end and then something snuck up on me that these jerks wouldn't let me ignore so there will be a bit more to resolve.

That night the common area off the cellblock is quiet, everyone strewn around the room in pairs or small groups huddled around the tables.  Maggie and Glenn are the exceptions, closed up in their cell since just after dinner with few words to anyone.  Beth and Rick are sitting at a round table with Daryl, Hershel, Michonne, and Carl.  Michonne has a map and a few pens and highlighters out, grimly drawing and coloring in areas, murmuring now and then with Daryl while he whittles himself new arrows.  Hershel runs sandpaper over the newly-formed shafts after Daryl finishes them, then hands them to Beth to attach the feather fletchings with thread-thin beads of glue.  Carl’s bent over a comic, glancing over at Judith whenever she stirs as she settles to sleep on Rick’s shoulder where he cradles her with one arm, the other wrapped around the back of Beth’s chair.  

 

He’s running his thumb across her shoulder blade, skating back and forth in a slow sweeping scrape of his thumbnail, and it’s comforting and maddening both at once.  The adrenaline and panic from earlier in the day is worn away and Beth’s been left drained and exhausted but jumpy, too anxious to lay down and sleep which was how she ended up at the table, shored up between Hershel and Rick, frowning down at each arrow as she works.  After the sixth arrow she sits back in her chair and rubs her hands over her face, pressing her fingertips against her closed eyes.

 

“Alright?” Rick asks mildly, reaching up to squeeze gently at the nape of her neck.

 

“I need fresh air.  We’ve been inside all day since . . .” she trails off, not needing to finish her sentence.  Hershel watches her carefully from his place beside her and she drops her hands to her lap and gives him a tired smile meant to be reassuring.

 

“Let me put her down, I’ll go out with you.  Walk around the fenceline can’t hurt.”

 

Beth nods and gets up with Rick, stopping him with a hand on his arm to step in closer and kiss Judith’s head and breathe in against her hair for a moment before running her fingers lightly over the baby’s hand clutched around Rick’s collar.

 

“Be right back,” Rick murmurs before turning to take Judith into his cell to lay her down.

 

When Beth turns back to the table she sees Michonne eyeing Rick as he disappears around his cell door, a thoughtful furrow in her brow.  Hershel clears his throat and Beth steels herself.  He eyes her for a long moment before speaking.

 

“You got a knife and a gun handy?”

 

She nods, holding up the knife sheath she’s slipping back onto her belt.  She takes her revolver from the table and tucks it into her back pocket too.  “Rick, you too,” Hershel adds as Rick comes out of his cell.  

 

“Not goin’ outside the fences, don’t think I’ll need-”

 

Daryl interrupts him, taking the rifle hung by its strap over the back of his chair and tossing it to Rick so he’ll have to catch it.  Rick rolls his eyes a little even as he’s looping the strap across his chest so the rifle hangs at his back.  “Thank you.”

 

“Safety’s off,” Daryl mutters back, eyes already back on the arrow in his hands.

 

Rick squeezes Carl’s shoulder and tells him goodnight, pausing until Carl looks up from the arrows he’s started to work on in Beth’s place.  A look passes between them briefly before Rick changes his grip and squeezes again.  Beth joins Rick at the other side of the table after pausing by Hershel’s side to give his arm a quick pat.  

 

“Night, Daddy.”

 

“G’night honey.  I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

Rick’s hand ghosts over Beth’s back as they head towards the doors.  Once they’re outside Rick tugs her closer to his side with an arm looped over her shoulders and she reaches up to thread her fingers through his.

 

“‘M surprised nobody said anything,” Rick says with a careful nonchalance.

 

"Don't think anybody was much in a teasin' mood."  Beth glances sideways up at him.  She takes a deep breath and flexes her fingers through his at her shoulder.  “I talked to Carl earlier.  I didn’t bring it up, it just kinda happened.”

 

“Oh?” Rick says quietly.  

 

“He seemed . . . he didn’t really want to talk about it.  Just said he knew.”

 

“Yeah, he talked to me too.”

 

They’re quiet for several strides as they make their way toward the inner set of fences.

 

“He fixed my necklace,” she adds softly, and Rick glances over and down, slows their steps for a moment as he traces the black cord against her collarbone lightly with a fingertip.  

 

“S’ good,” he murmurs, his voice faraway.  He shakes his head slightly a moment later and clears his throat.  “Is Maggie alright?” he asks.  “She was pretty shaken up earlier.”

 

“I think so,” Beth answers slowly.  “She’s got Glenn.”  She trails off and sinks into herself, distant and quiet as she lets words out haltingly.  “Sometimes I feel like . . . like I don’t know her like I used to.  Like we both became something different to deal with how things are now.”

 

“What did you become?” Rick murmurs.  Beth realizes they’ve stopped walking, that she’s stopped and Rick has stopped with her and they stand still in the open darkness of the silent yard, quiet too as Rick shifts slowly to face her and hold both of her hands.

 

“Maggie’s . . . she’s a fighter.  It’s what she is.  Bein’ on the fences, goin’ on runs . . . I can do that, I know how, but it’s not the same.  It felt so easy to start helpin’ with Judy.  I didn’t think about it, I just needed to do it for Lori and for you.  Even now, it feels easy, like I just know.  The things she needs are simple.”

 

Rick touches her cheek, the pads of his fingers slipping along the curve.  “Think we all need things like that,” he says, his voice rough and almost gone into a whisper.

 

“What do you need?” she asks, smiling softly.  Rick stares down at her through the dark, and she can just see the bright liquid glint of his eyes reflected in the light of the moon and the few lit windows of the buildings behind her.  

 

“You.”

 

She breathes in.  The word settles on her chest and her shoulders, heavy and soft as gravity tilts with him when he leans down to brush his mouth over hers.  She shivers and reaches for his shoulders, his breath soft and warm over her lips.  Her hands bump into the rifle at his back as she wraps her arms around him and she murmurs against his mouth when he pulls away just slightly.

 

“Come on,” he whispers, turning and keeping an arm wrapped around her waist to lead her with him across the yard.

 

“Where?”

 

“Admin building.  It’s empty.  We can secure a room.”

 

“Okay,” she answers, a little breathless, feeling lost in the blackness of the night.

 

When they reach the building they break apart, Rick leading in with the rifle drawn as Beth follows him, her own gun in her hands and ready.  Rick turns on his flashlight as they creep silently through a few rooms, relaxing a little more the further in they get until they reach an office, empty but for a large wooden desk and some filing cabinets.  Rick shoves one of the filing cabinets in front of the door after closing it behind him and Beth surveys the room in the dim ambient light of the flashlight set on the desk pointing toward the ceiling.

 

When Rick turns they watch each other as he sets down his rifle and walks over slowly, reaching for her again and they wrap around each other, Beth sinking into Rick’s chest as his arms clasp around her waist.  She looks up after a few moments and he looks back, both of them quiet and solemn until she speaks.

 

“I love you,” she says softly.  “You know I love you?”

 

She feels a rush of tension pour out of her, anticipation with an edge of nervousness that’s been nagging at the back of her mind suddenly snapped loose like a stretched string.

 

A soft smile spreads over his face.  “I know.”

 

Beth nods slowly and Rick nods too, his smile growing.  He reaches up and touches her chin gently, passing over her bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.  He leans in to kiss her but she pulls away, tugs out of his arms and backs up step by step until she reaches the edge of the desk.  Her eyes stay locked on his as she reaches up and tugs her shirt off over her head, then the tank she had on underneath it.  Rick exhales and rubs a hand slowly over his mouth and jaw as he walks slowly forward.  

 

When he reaches her Beth lifts her hands to his chest and slowly undoes the buttons on his shirt.  He helps her slide it off and drops it to the floor along with hers.  It’s quiet; quiet outside and in the room with them and the clink of her belt buckle as he opens it and tugs it off of her seems loud.  When he drops the belt to their growing pile on the floor at their feet Beth shivers a little and almost twitches to cover herself, her chest bare in the dark, but then she’s reaching for his belt, fingers working nimbly while he gently looses her hair from its messy braid.  He digs his fingers in against her scalp and presses with the tips, massaging until she leans into it and exhales a sigh.  

 

He moves his hands to her face and cups her cheeks, tipping her face up to his.  She’s picking at the button and fly of his jeans now, slowly working them open, but he just brushes his thumbs over her cheeks under her eyes.  

 

“I love you,” he murmurs, and then lets out a little sigh.  “I don’t know what my life would be now if-”

 

She shakes her head just slightly and curves a hand around one of his.  “You’d be okay.  We both would.  We would,” she repeats with a little smile off the flicker of incredulity across his eyes.  She lifts her other hand to cover his and sobers again.  “I didn’t save you.  You didn’t need it, you just needed time.  You needed to be a dad again.”  She smiles again, small and soft.

 

Her pulls a hand away to close around her fingers and bring her hand to his lips to kiss her knuckles.  “You really think that didn’t have anything to do with you?  You and Judith?”

 

Beth inhales slowly, her eyes falling away from his, and she understands more what he’d meant before when she’d asked him what he needs.  He leans in now, his cheek against hers, the scratch of his beard and soft tickling flush of his breath over her ear familiar as he repeats it:

 

“You.”

 

She closes her eyes and leans into him, presses her temple to his jaw and lets her fingers curl tight over his hips as she backs up more until the backs of her thighs hit the edge of the desk and then Rick’s hands are closing around her hips and steadying her as she lets go of him to pull herself back to sit.  

 

Rick steps between her knees, spreading them further with his hips and tilting her face up with a hand on her jaw for a deep messy kiss before he’s leaning down, tipping her back until she leans on one hand to support herself as he bows his head to lick down her throat and mouth over the slight swells of her breasts.  He pauses at her left breast, mouth pressed still and parted at her skin, almost holding his breath for the feel of her heartbeat faint but steady behind her ribs.  Beth threads her hand into his hair with a sigh, curls slipping around her fingers when she combs through it gently, then grips and holds him in place so she can watch when his lips close around her nipple and he sucks until she’s swearing around a gasp.

 

Rick straightens and reaches past her to flatten one of his hands on the desk and wrap his other arm around her waist, kissing her and swallowing down her breathy groan when their chests press together, skin on skin.  She squirms against him, hips wriggling closer to the edge of the desk, and breaks the kiss to mouth at his neck, breathing and tasting his skin, letting him support her as she reaches up with both hands to scrape her nails at his lower back so he ruts into her.  She lets her head fall back, the ends of her hair pooling and brushing over his fingers.  

 

Rick leans back and she follows, letting him gently pull her hands away and release them so he can open the button and fly of her jeans and tug her hips still closer to the edge of the desk so she’s half hanging off it, jeans loose around her hips and slipping down.  He palms at her waist and down to her hip as he slides the other hand down her stomach and into her underwear, his fingers pumping in and out of her and pausing only so he can pull out and slide the slick tips around her clit to make her shudder.  She grinds into his hand, arms stretched behind her braced on the desk, stretched long and pale and bare in the faint pool of light from the flashlight.  Rick’s hand at her hip grips and tugs, encouraging her rhythm against his hand, fingers plunging deep into her, curling and stroking and slipping out again and again to circle her clit and she lets out increasingly breathy whines from the back of her throat, her eyes closed and brow furrowed and her arms starting to tremble while she holds herself up.

 

Finally she gulps in a deep breath and he feels her clutch at his fingers, neck bared with her head thrown back and deep dry groans coming from behind her clenched teeth.  Her thighs shake and her groans turn back to whimpers, she rolls her head forward again as she sits up and reaches for his shoulders so she can lean against him.  He squeezes at her hip gently and murmurs her name and when she opens her eyes and looks up she can see the glistening on his fingers when he brings them toward her lips.  

 

“Taste,” he whispers, his breath harsh.  

 

His fingertips slide over her parted lips and she closes her eyes again, mind floating and spinning as she licks them and takes the taste of herself in, lush and thick on her tongue.  The dregs of the panic that had clutched at her all day since those shots had torn through the cellblock slip away and she sucks on Rick’s fingers, slides her tongue around the tips and between and he whispers “fuck, _fuck_ ,” full of awe and urgency.

 

He replaces his fingers with his lips and tongue and when he touches her again, impatiently passing his hands all over her back, she can feel the cool trail left by his wet  fingertips.  She wraps herself around him, his weak groan vibrating through her as she rubs against his hip until she jolts with aftershocks, careless of her jeans and underwear twisted into a mess at her hips.  She shudders and bites at his lower lip before he pulls away suddenly and grabs at her jeans, fisting his hands around them and her underwear to pull them both down when she slips down off the desk.  She sits again and kicks at him lightly with a little grin before she reaches down to pull her boots and her jeans the rest of the way off.  Rick laughs breathlessly, almost stumbling back a step as he fumbles in his pocket for a condom.

 

She sits and watches him for a moment, lets her eyes wander over his body in the dim light, condom held between his teeth as he toes off his boots and pushes his jeans and underwear down his legs and kicks them away.  She stares at his mouth when he straightens and takes the condom from between his teeth and tears open the wrapper- his mouth that doesn’t taste like her because he’d offered his wet fingers to her instead of sucking them clean himself, had spread a fragrant heady reminder of exactly how alive she is over her tongue and she can taste it still, can feel the slick of it when she rubs her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

 

“You’re staring,” Rick murmurs around a grin as he steps closer, fingers still circled around the base of his dick after rolling on the condom.  

 

Beth huffs out laugh at his smile, his little show of bravado that covers a twinge of shyness.  She slides her fingertips over her lips when he stops in front of her, her knees drawn back together and for a moment he watches her through hooded eyes in her own moment of self-consciousness before she reaches out and trails a ghost of a touch down his chest.  

 

He lays one hand over hers as he nudges her legs open with one knee and steps between them.  She leans back on one hand braced behind her again and scoots her hips toward to the edge of the desk again, her breath deepening as Rick moves closer.  He leans in to nose at her jaw and feather his lips along her cheek, still with a hand holding hers to his chest, still tipping her back a little more with each movement.

 

He’s hard and straining, and she feels the firm tip of his dick sliding up her inner thigh and she pulls her hand out from under his to wrap her fingers around him and tug, smile at his desperate little groan, and lead him in.  She spreads her legs wider, lets go of him when he’s lined up and wraps her arm around his shoulders, foreheads tipped together and both of them breathing harshly in the quiet room when he slides inside her.  He tilts his head and kisses her, slow and deep as he starts to move in shallow strokes.

 

Beth moans, scratches her nails at the back of his neck and up through his messy curls, reveling in his groans and the soft waves of pleasure cresting out through her belly and thighs already.  

 

“More,” she mumbles at his mouth.

 

She can feel his grin against her lips as he thrusts a little deeper.  

 

“Bossy,” he murmurs back.  She smiles softly at him, barely a breath away, and trails a fingertip over his chin, catching at the whiskers with her nail.

 

“More,” she repeats softly, her smile barely sheepish, almost shrugging.

 

Rick’s laugh is almost a moan, and his teeth flash in the dark with his wide smile as he thrusts harder until her breath hitches.  

 

“Okay,” he breathes and leans down to kiss her neck, all tongue and scratching beard that makes her shiver even as she tilts her head, wrapping her arm back around his shoulders to hold him where he is at her neck.  Rick grunts softly at her throat and adjusts his footing and suddenly he’s driving into her hard.  Beth yelps, biting the sound back quickly out of habit and digging her nails into Rick’s skin.

 

“Okay?” he asks, voice labored.

 

“Yes, don’t stop, it’s good,” Beth gasps, clinging to him as he bucks into her, scrabbling at the desk behind her when her hand starts to slip and then skids out from under her.  The flashlight topples over and rolls off the desk, landing on the floor and rolling a little more until it’s pointed to one corner of the room.

 

Rick wraps an arm around her waist before she can fall and lowers her to lay back on the desk.  He stays over her for a long kiss before he straightens, hands dragging along her thighs and then guiding her to straighten her legs and bring them up so her ankles rest at his shoulders, and when he thrusts in deep from this angle Beth wails, eyes flying wide, hands clutching at air at her sides.  Rick grins down at her, sweat starting to trickle at his brow, and circles his hips, watching her eyelids flutter, her chest heave with every breath.

 

“More?” he pants, and kisses her ankle.  

 

“Shit, oh my god, yes,” she breathes back, eyes barely focusing on him before she gives up and lays back again, her breath catching on every one of his swirling thrusts.  

 

Rick reaches down to tuck his thumb against her clit and he grins harder when she whimpers and tries to lift her hips to increase his pressure.  He rearranges her legs quickly so both her ankles rest against one of his shoulders and wraps his arm around her legs, keeping her thighs snugly together, thumb buried between her lips against her clit, hitting the spot that keeps her breath short and gasping with every thrust, and soon she’s scrabbling at the desk again, brow furrowed deeply.  Her voice is a frantic whine as she grits out,

 

“I’m, I’m gonna-”

 

“ _Yes_ , come on baby, come on-” Rick gasps back.

 

Beth groans, full voiced, and it spurs Rick on, the snap of his hips driving her back even as she gropes for his wrist and holds onto him as she stiffens, nails cutting into his skin, thighs trembling hard against him.  Rick’s groans grow harsh and loud and he bears into her with everything, dick pulsing inside her, hips grinding hard into her soft muscled curves, arm barring her legs against his chest and holding her there and open to him until she’s shaking everywhere and her groans heighten into another wail, tears spilling from the corners of her eyes and her back arching even against his hold.

 

They’re both shaking, her legs falling open and Rick falling over her, barely catching his weight against the desk to hold himself off of her until she reaches up and slings her arms loosely around his shoulders.  He grunts weakly in reply and lets her pull him down, forehead butting against her neck and his nose rooting at a ticklish spot by her collarbone.  Beth squirms and sighs under him, clutches at his sweat-slicked back with shaky hands and moans little half-syllables as her trembling subsides.

 

After a little while Rick starts to move away, moving his hands to brace against the desk at either side of Beth’s shoulders but she pulls him back, arms stronger now and holding him close.

 

“Stay,” she murmurs, tears slipping back into her voice when she adds, “can’t we just stay here?”

 

Rick lifts up enough to look into her eyes, braced on one elbow so he can trail his fingertips through her hair gently.  “‘S wrong sweetheart?”

 

Beth shakes her head and looks down and the tears fall from the corners of her eyes.  Rick catches one from her temple before it reaches her hairline and tilts his chin up to lick it from his fingertip.

 

“I was . . . even when we started, once we were together I felt like I was letting you get close but I wasn’t, I didn’t- I didn’t trust it.  Not you, but just the world y’know?  But I let Judith in, and you, and today we- either of us could’ve died.  We always could.  I trusted this place and it’s not, we’re still so vulnerable,” she finishes in a whisper and swallows thickly.  

 

Rick exhales slowly and pushes up, pulling out of her carefully.  Beth sits up slowly and wraps her arms around her middle while he disposes of the condom.  He picks his shirt up from the floor and offers it to her quietly but she shakes her head and reaches for him, pulls him back between her knees and wraps her arms around his waist, her cheek tucked against his chest.

 

“Afterwards,” she starts again, “when I knew Maggie and you and everyone was okay, I felt . . . I had this moment where I felt like everything would be fine, like somehow because _this_ time we were okay, like that _meant_ somethin’-”

 

“Hey,” Rick murmurs, pulling away and tilting her face up with a hand on her cheek.  Beth closes her eyes and curves a hand around his, but he brushes his thumb through her tears and repeats, “hey,” so she opens her eyes again.  “It meant somethin’.  Everyday means somethin’.  Everyday, everytime we make it.  Everyday we made it got us here, you and me.”

 

Beth nods slowly, leftover tears wetting his fingers.  “I know,” she murmurs.  “I know. I’ll be okay, it’s just,” she waves a hand vaguely, “today.  Everythin’.”

 

“Need some sleep,” Rick says, starting to rub circles over her back.

 

“Yeah.  And I’m hungry,” Beth adds with a sniffle.

 

Rick snorts an affectionate laugh before pulling away to cup her cheeks again and tilt her face up to his.  He smiles softly and Beth returns it, bleary-eyed.

 

“Love you,” he says, his voice a soft rasp in the quiet.

 

“I love you,” she whispers back.

 

_____

  
  


It’s overcast the next day, the air heavy and thick with moisture, and there’s a quiet settled over the prison yard and cellblocks even as everyone goes about their normal tasks.  Beth grimaces with effort as she wrings out a shirt over the washtub and hands it up to Maggie to hang on the clothesline.

 

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Maggie starts.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Rick still wears his ring.”

 

“That’s not a question.”  

 

Beth sighs and plucks a burr out of a sock before dropping it back into the washtub.  She lets her hands rest still for a moment, and watches Maggie.

 

“We don’t really get to have things like that anymore.  Jewelry, keepsakes . . .” she reaches up and fingers the hearts on her necklace, the chain woven through with thin black thread connecting it to the thicker cording becoming familiar beneath her fingertips.

 

“He fix that for you?”

 

Beth shakes her head, gazing absently ahead.  

 

“Carl did.  He knows.  He’s not happy about it, but.  It’s fine for now.”  She lets the necklace go and picks a shirt up out of the tub to wring it out, shaking her head slightly.  “Rick still loves Lori, I know that.  I don’t think it takes anything away from what we have.  I wouldn’t want to be with someone who could let go so quickly, after all they went through.  It’s not like Daddy stopped loving your mama when he met mine.”

 

Maggie blows out a breath and nods, letting out an overwhelmed chuckle.  “Sure you’re really just eighteen?”

 

Beth smiles a little.  “Sometimes I think only bein’ able to count on what we have for right now is better.  Means you have to . . . to love more, y’know?”

 

“I used to think maybe Glenn and I . . . all the things that would have kept us apart before, that doesn’t matter.  We can’t let it.”

 

“Hmm,” Beth agrees.  She glances up at Maggie when she hands over the shirt.  “Here I thought we were just keepin’ ourselves distracted with a couple of cute guys.”

 

Maggie wrinkles her nose.  “Isn’t Rick like forty?  Can he still be _cute_?”

 

Beth flicks water at her with her fingertips.  “He’s not _forty_ ,” she mumbles, grinning.

 

_____

  
  


That night Beth wakes with a start, barely dampening a cry as she pants for breath.  She’s soaked in sweat and trembling as she sits up in her bunk and brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them.  She closes her eyes again and concentrates on breathing deeply and slowly, trying to convince her still-racing mind to settle.  The details of the dream she’d been having fade rapidly but the sensations of it - screams bubbling in her throat without breaking free, heartbeats out of rhythm and squeezing too hard - hang on doggedly.  

 

Before she really considers it she’s pushing open the door of her cell.  She hears a sound over her shoulder and whirls around, squinting through the dimness to see Daryl sitting up in his spot next to the stairs, arms resting on a bar of the railings and his feet dangling over the edge.

 

“Should have a knife at least,” he says quietly.

 

“You ever sleep?” she asks in a whisper, pressing and hand to her chest to try again to calm herself and taking a few steps towards the stairs.  She sees it when Daryl stiffens a little at her approach and stops, folding her arms over her middle and leaning a hip against the metal bannister to look up at him.  Daryl only shrugs.  She takes it as an answer, knowing this is more of the same sullen cagey mood he’s been in since coming back from his hunt the day before to find a body to bury and fresh bullet divots in the cellblock walls.

 

She stands and watches him silently, taking in the shape of his hunched shoulders in the bare hints of light from the moon outside.

 

“You ain’t gonna tell me how it’s all fine now and I don’t gotta worry?” he asks.

 

Beth shakes her head.  “No,” she says quietly.  He watches her back, steady and silent.  “I’m not goin’ outside,” she adds softly.  He ducks his head and nods in understanding.  “‘Night Daryl.”

 

He doesn’t answer and she doesn’t expect him to, but she feels his eyes on her as she turns to walk towards Rick’s cell and slip inside.  

 

She tiptoes silently to Judith’s crib and leans over it, gathering her hair loosely with one hand to keep it out of her face.  Rick inhales sharply as he wakes at her presence.

 

“Beth?” she hears him whisper.

 

“It’s okay,” she whispers back, squinting through the darkness to watch Judith’s sleeping face for a moment.  Rick sits up as Beth stands straight again and comes to the side of his bunk.  She goes down to her knees on the floor between Rick’s feet and reaches up to touch the sides of his face gently.  

 

“S wrong?”

 

“Nothin’.  Just had a bad dream.”

 

Rick rubs her back a little clumsily, and Beth smiles when he pulls her in against his neck and she feels him yawn into her hair.  “Wanna sleep here?”

 

“Yeah but I shouldn’t.  I’ll go back to my bunk in a minute.”

 

“Don’t have to.”

 

“I think Daddy would like it if we were a little more discreet than that.”

 

Rick hmpfs and kisses lazily below her ear, the scratch of his beard making her shiver.  Beth pulls back and threads their fingers together.  “I love you,”  she says firmly.

 

Rick’s silence is a little mystified, but he squeezes her hands back.  “I love you too,” he murmurs, his voice questioning and reassuring both at once.

 

She closes her eyes against the dark and leans her forehead against Rick’s for a moment before tugging her hands free from his and holding his jaw again, pulling him in for a kiss.

 

“Come on baby, lay down for a bit,” Rick mumbles as he pivots and lays back.  Beth rests her elbows on the edge of the bed and leans over him instead, resting her chin on his chest as one of his arms falls comfortably around her back.  He reaches up and runs his fingers through his hair absentmindedly.  “What’d you dream?” he asks after a few moments.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” she murmurs.  “Wasn’t real.”

 

“Made you get up and come in here.”

 

“This is real,” Beth whispers, lifting her chin and bowing her head to nudge at his chest with the tip of her nose before pressing a kiss over his t-shirt.  “We are, right now.”

 

“Yeah,” Rick agrees with a soft smile.  “Stay with me,” he whispers again, rolling to his side and leaning in to kiss her.  “Won’t let you have any more nightmares.”

 

Beth smiles softly.  “Can’t keep ‘em away.”

 

“Can keep you awake.”

 

She snorts softly and kisses him back, lets him nudge at her shoulder and hip until she crawls on top of him on the bunk as he rolls to his back again.

 

“Five minutes,” she whispers between kisses.

 

“Forever,” he counters, muffled against her lips.

 

_____

 


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long to post! I had half of it written for a long time but I wasn't sure how to manage that last scene and then other fandoms and RL took over and well. Here we are. But thank you so much again to everyone who has read and commented on this fic along the way!

Beth eventually goes back to her bunk and sleeps fitfully until morning.  She’s outside bouncing a cranky Judith on her lap when  Daryl comes up and grunts at Beth with his arms out for the baby muttering, "Best go eat, Skinny, 'fore you can't even lift her."

 

Beth hands Judith over gratefully, giving Daryl a smile he returns with a brief upwards twitch of one corner of his mouth.  She watches him as she stands in the food line, smiling softly, listening to the women coo and aw at Daryl cradling Judith easily on a sun-darkened muscled arm.

 

Rick and Carl come up a moment later from the fields where they’d gotten an early start that morning, and Beth watches as Rick pauses by Daryl to kiss Judith’s head.  Daryl reaches into one of his pockets and gives something to Rick but Beth can’t see what it is, only Rick putting it in his own pocket and nodding in thanks.  He slaps Daryl on the shoulder before heading for the food line while Carl sits down at a nearby table.   Rick smiles at Beth when he catches her eye and sidles up to her.  

 

“He’s gonna take my job,” Beth jokes, nodding to Judith resting comfortably in Daryl’s hold as he eats with his free hand.  

 

“Nah, I think you’re safe.”  

 

Beth looks up at Rick, craning her neck.  He’s standing so close that he’s almost leaned against her arms folded loosely over her middle.  He smiles down at her and drops a hand to rest at Beth’s waist, casually tugging her even closer, and she lets her eyes drift closed, lets the commotion of voices and silverware and movement all around them fade away for a few seconds.   She rises up on her tip toes to meet him in the middle for a quick light kiss.

 

_____

  
  


“Hey handsome,” Beth greets Rick that night, closing the watch tower’s drop door behind her.  

 

The days have reached their longest and the sky is pale purple and icy blue, streaks of hot pink and yellow painting a radiant sunset.  Rick rolls his eyes a little but grins at her, leaning in to peck her on the lips when she comes over to sit beside him.

 

“She go down okay?” Rick asks.

 

“Yeah, Carl’s listenin’ for her.  I think Sasha’s givin’ him another poker lesson.”

 

Rick smiles around a little huff of a laugh and rubs his hands over his thighs restlessly.  He watches the motion himself, heels of his hands still digging into the worn black denim.  Beth nudges her shoulder into his, watching the side of his face for a moment.

 

“I, ah-” he keeps staring down at his hands and after a moment Beth follows his gaze.  His left ring finger is bare, a slight indent left behind where his ring rested.

 

“Where-”

 

“Carl has it.  Got him a chain to wear it around his neck if he wants.  It just-” Rick’s shoulders drop slightly, lax, “it seemed right.  For him to have it now.”

 

Beth swallows and keeps watching his hands, one of them sliding carefully over to take one of hers.

 

“Is he okay with it?” she asks quietly.  “When I talked to him before he was kinda-” she trails off.

 

“He’s . . . fourteen,” Rick finishes, huffing out a dry laugh.

 

Beth snorts softly, then quiets.  The silence hangs over them heavily as their hands slide together, palm to palm, fingers straight, the difference in size pronounced where the tips of her fingers only reach his first knuckles.

 

“‘S’it okay with you?” he asks, sounding suddenly unsure.

 

Beth runs her teeth over her bottom lip thoughtfully.  “I’m not freaking out,” she says after a moment, and now Rick snorts under his breath.  Beth nudges at his arm with her shoulder again.  “Does it mean anything different than . . . than everything else?”

 

“No. Doesn’t have to.  Just felt like time.  Lori’s- she was everything for so long.  She was  _ it _ , y’know?  Since high school.  Think I’m figuring out how to . . . be that person now that she’s gone.  How to be  _ any _ body without her.”

 

He glances over at Beth quickly, realizing what he’s said and gauging her reaction, but she’s just sitting calmly, watching the sunset, her hand still resting against his.

 

“She was the one who made the family wasn’t she?”  Beth asks softly.  Ricks brow furrows and his lips part before she continues, “My momma was like that.  I think, after Josephine died and it was just him and Maggie he just wanted to move on and pretend it never happened, almost.  Find someone else and-”

 

“Beth-”

 

“It’s okay,” cuts him off, her voice a little choked.  “I know it’s . . .” she pauses, frustrated trying to find the words.  Her pulls her hand away from his and stands suddenly, pacing for a moment, backlit by the glowing sky.  “We’ve both lost people.  We  _ all _ have.  That doesn’t mean this isn’t real.  Right?”

She spins to face him and they watch each other silently for half a beat.

 

“I love you,” Beth says firmly.  “And I would even if we weren’t together.  It would be different but I still would.”

 

“Me too,” Rick assures, voice rough.

 

“So we’ll be okay,” she says, coming towards him again and crawling over his lap, settling and holding his face in her hands even as he chuckles in surprise.  “ _ You’ll _ be okay,” she repeats.  Rick reaches up and holds her wrists gently, pressing his thumbs over the delicate skin, nudging at her bracelets gently.  “I’m okay,” she finishes softy.  

  
She tips her forehead against his and they breathe together.

 

_____


End file.
